If You Stay

Yet another textbook example of telling, not showing. I am seriously over this. And yet I keep trying NA titles. Almost without exception, they are far too long, lacking in any subtlety, and manage to be both over-written and under-characterized. In this book particularly, the foreshadowing and dream sequences are ham-fisted narrative devices that are so incredibly obvious as to be insulting. And the worst part is that so many of these books also manage to not be entertaining. But I keep wading through the dreck in hopes of finding a good story.

If You Stay by Courtney Cole is a gutsy and deeply emotional New Adult Romance. If you are on the fence about the New Adult genre or this book in particular, don’t be. Go out and get this book.

First, Pax and Mila are in their early 20s so they are old enough to appeal to more mature readers but young enough to appeal to both the New Adult and Young Adult age groups. They are also paradoxically both mature and immature for their ages which adds an extra layer to their characters.

Second, the extremely frank look at some hard core subjects (drugs, prostitution, familial death, and psychological issues) is hard and deeply emotional all at the same time. It is reminiscent of the movie Requiem for a Dream in the way it puts it all out there show more in a stark, unyielding, and very messy way. There is no sugar coating or white washing going on here. The ugliness of it all is right out in the open. Frankly, at first, it was hard to take, especially since you are hit with a lot of it right up front. But, in the end, the honesty of it was far more compelling and emotional than any partially hidden view of it could ever have been. This is the strength and heart of the book.

Pax may be 24, but he is deeply troubled and emotionally scarred in ways he does not even know or understand. Despite this, when he meets Mila, he can’t seem to stay away. Her lightness calls to something deep inside his darkness. For Mila, her kindness is both her weakness and her strength. She too has dealt with difficult situations and she chose a different path than Pax. Mila is both deeply repelled by and deeply attracted to Pax. The juxtaposition of their choices in life and their outlooks on life make this seem initially like an “opposites attract” storyline but it really isn’t. They have certain life events in common; they are more alike than either can see. Just as Mila is not too perfect and still has the capacity to complain, be catty, etc, Pax is not too troubled. He has the capacity to care, even if it is often involuntarily.

Because this is told in first person with alternating points of view, the reader gets to see into both Pax and Mila’s heads. They have distinct voices and both voices are compelling. While Pax has a more forceful and crude voice, Mila is no shrinking violet. Her voice tempers Pax’s in the same way her presence in his life tempers him.

There is even a surprise twist in all this – something hinted at throughout the book but even my twisted mind couldn’t come up with the answer. It’s not an implausible twist. Ultimately, that’s one of the many beautiful things about this book. Whether that reality is beautiful or ugly, it’s always still real.

Seriously, this is not a book you want to miss.

RATING: 5

Heat Rating: Hot

REVIEWED BY: Monique Neaves show less

Oh this book. What can I say about this book? It did things to me.. Seriously. I am 100% sure that I felt this book in EVERY SINGLE part of my heart. It pulled heart strings I thought I never had && I found myself rooting for Pax even when I KNEW what was going to happen. This story was one full of challenges, struggles, love, family & relationships. I think every last thing blended so well together to make an epic kind of story. Really – it was one that you will never forget lol.

Mila is a girl who has her head on straight. She has been through her share of struggles, bounced back & now knows what she wants and where she wants to go in life. Then she meets Pax. As far as “first impressions” go, we can go ahead and chalk this up to show more an EPIC FAIL for Pax! Despite what went on that night, Mila and Pax form a connection that I think EVERYONE should experience in their lifetime. To learn what it is to feel for someone what they feel for each other. It truly is a soul-reaching kind of connection. The two of them have a past that is kind of similar and it lets them connect on a level most do not get to. While Mila struggles with her sisters opinions and her own thoughts – the world seems to go on around her. She’s slowly learning that putting your heart on the line is sometimes worth the risk of having it shattered – but what happens when you KNOW it’s going to be shattered and can do nothing to stop it?

Pax has his own way of dealing with his grief. That way just happens to be women, drugs and alcohol. Not technically in that order – but mostly consists of all three each time lol. I had many guy wrenching moments, eye opening moments && complete shock moments when it came to reading about Pax. He is so unlike the characters I am used to reading.. well – in the beginning; he came around in the end :) I KNEW heading into this that I was going to be reading about a total asshole that really couldn’t care less about life. What I did not expect was to read about said asshole having one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. I totally fell in love with Pax. I rather enjoyed reading him work through the horrible past that he had blocked out for so long. I loved where he ended up in the end and I liked how it was written so that we experienced every single step he took to get there.

So.. since we are talking about a charmingly sexy male with a heart of something close to gold. I am sure you can only imagine with the intimate moments between these two were like. Oh you can’t? Let me help you out with that. FREAKING HOT! Like, steam all over your mirrors, ripped clothes and sheets – have you wanting more kind of hot. The passion between the two && with Pax being such an emotional person when it comes certain things – they have some seriously chart topping chemistry.

If you have not read this book – YOU MUST. LIKE; RIGHT NOW. Aside from Pax & Mila – you need to read about Madison, Mila’s sister. What the two of them went through was tragic and they have come so far. I think that Madison has her own story to tell and I hope we get to read about it! Most of all – this book NEEDS TO BE READ. show less

Courtney Cole writes phenomenal love stories. I just eat everything she writes up, and If You Stay was no exception. While the story was off to a pretty disturbing and pretty gross start, it was obvious that it was going to turn out to be something special. If You Stay is a story of growing up, learning to trust, and letting yourself love.

Pax is a straight-up bad boy. He has a trust fund and spends his life getting wasted (even though he isn’t an addict) and just being an overall burden to society. Naturally, he is rescued and falls for good-girl Mila. It may sound a bit generic, but it is anything but.

The love story was believable and very well done. There were so many romantic and swoon-worthy moments. Since this is a new adult, show more there were also some pretty steamy scenes. Despite all of the obstacles the two faced, I couldn’t help routing for them. I also loved that Mila had her own troubled past (even though she dealt with them in a much healthier manner than Pax ever did). Mila is a good girl with her own problems and that just makes her so much more interesting than the typical girl who saves the guy.

Even though this is very much a love story, it’s also Pax’s story. Pax has a lot to cope with—more than he even realizes. When I think about all of the horrific things that happened, I still get chills. Courtney Cole did such an amazing job with Pax and after seeing his quest to rebuild his life, I realize why he was such a douche. There are some seriously messed up stuff in his past. The sheer tragedy of Pax’s life is enough to make this one worth reading.

If You Stay is an amazing read. From Pax’s tragic past to the incredibly sweet ending, Mila and Pax are two characters you just won’t forget about. Well-developed characters, steamy moments, and growing up all make this an amazing read that will stay with you forever. show less

Let me just begin by saying what a huge fan of Courtney Cole's that I am. She hasn't written anything that I didn't love. When I read the first few lines of the synopsis, "24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole. Seriously. He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match. But he’s got his reasons," I knew I was going to fall in love with Pax. There's nothing I love more than a good bad boy, and true to form, Pax totally and completely captured by heart.

If You Stay is such a heart consuming story and I found myself fully vested it in from the very first page all the way through the epilogue (which was awesome by the way). Everyone thinks Pax is just spoiled, badass, and nothing but trouble, and he is, but he is so much show more more. Underneath that harsh exterior is a little boy who has been hurt and wounded by something that no one should have to bear. He hasn't chosen the best ways to cope with his pain by any means, and it takes a brush with death and a beautiful girl who actually cares about him for him, to make him realize that there is something worth living for.
Mila is that beautiful girl, the girl who makes Pax realize this....the girl who saves his life in more than one way....the girl who falls hard for him, despite her attempts to keep her heart intact. Mila has had more than her share of heartache and loss in her life, so she's not a stranger to it. She is kind, and good, and sees past Pax's facade into the goodness that she believes is there. I just loved Mila. She was an angel, and she did see something in Pax that was worth saving, but not too much of an angel that she couldn't also see that he was "sexy as hell." I mean the boy oozes with bad boy hottness and makes you just want to eat him up.

If You Stay is Pax and Mila's story, and so much more. It is raw, heart wrenching, emotionally consuming, and absolutely beautiful. As the reader, you experience the full gamut of emotions right along with Pax and Mila as they fall in love, experience hurt, joy, and unimaginable pain, and somehow come out on the other side, struggling, right along with them, loving right along with them, crying right along with them with they hurt, and rejoicing with them in their triumphs.....not to mention the romance is sizzling hot to. I absolutely loved If You Stay. This new adult contemporary romance is hot, there's no doubt about that, but it also carries a much deeper message, one that everyone who's willing should take the time to hear.

Favorite Quotes:

She's rambling, and it's cute as hell. I smile, and as I do, I feel like the Big Bad Wolf and she's Little Red Riding Hood. My, what big teeth I have.

"I could tell you that it wasn't what it looked like, but that would be a lie. It was exactly what it looked like. I could explain it, but you wouldn't understand." .........."Then why are you here?"......."I don't know why I'm here," he admits softly," and his voice is so close to my neck. "Because I can't stop thinking about you, I guess, and because I'll never get that horrified expression on your face out of my head. I'm sorry to have put it there........."

"I don't know. all I know is that ever since I met you, I've wanted to know you.......Something about you makes me think I can bet better, maybe even get my shit straight."

"I don't know if it's all that healthy that I'm attracted to you." I admit finally. "I've never been attracted to a bad boy before."

"Pax, no. It's not a good idea. I don't trust myself around you.......I can't let you break my heart. I don't have much of it left."

"You have no idea how sorry I am. I'mm just not good at relationships. I haven't had any practice, but if you stay with me, if you stay.......I promise......"

This quote is from Courtney herself, and I just love it - "Love is stronger than anything else. It can get you through things that nothing else can. So rely on it, lean on it, Embrace it. Count on it." show less

I'm kind of shocked.
I thought this was NA, but this is by far the most sexually graphic NA I've ever read.
I would have thought this graphic would be erotica, but since I don't read it, I guess I don't know the difference.

I also struggled to have any respect for Mila. After seeing or knowing Pax hopped from one paid sexual encounter to another, she had no problem offering herself up on the 2nd date.

and, although I did totally respect the author's note at the end, I don't think it's realistic to sell to readers that someone who has taken drugs for years as coping mechanism (uppers, downers, he seems to take it all) would have such an easy time kicking it (absolutely no problem at all, actually). If this were the case, our courts and show more jails would not be full of people addicted and attempting to get clean. show less

24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole.
Seriously.

He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match.

But he’s got his reasons.

His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count.

As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect façade.
So he slipped far, far from it.

Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends show more that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right?
Wrong.

And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila.
Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he’s got to figure it out because he needs her to breathe.

When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness.

But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it.

He knows that. And he’s working on it.

But is that enough to make her stay?


I Must say that Courtney Cole sure knows how to pull a reader in . The first chapter of this book Pulled me in feet first and I did not stop until I was done with the ride . This story is full of emotion , it is raw, it will make you laugh , it will make you shed a tear or two . but in the end I can promise that you will be happy .


The story starts with Pax , Asshole , tattooed , Bad ass attitude , and rock hot body to die for . Pax's mom Died when he was 7 yrs old ,and Pax appears to have never dealt with the loss of his mother , he copes with emotions with drugs, and alcohol , and more drugs ... He is not a drug addict though. he can stop when ever he wants , but he doesn't have a need to stop , so he continues to use drugs , until he Overdoses and almost dies .

“I can’t let you break my heart. I don’t have much of it left.”


Enter Mila , artist , Heart of gold, Lost her own parents a few yrs back due to a car accident , all she has now is her sister . One night she is at the beach taking pictures of the water and sky . As she ventures back to her car she hears a buzzing sound and discovers that there is a man in a car slumped over and out cold , vomit all over him , breathing erratic . She does the only thing she can do when she can't bring him to she calls 911 . Mila saved Pax's life that night .....


“You’ve seen me at my worst. Maybe you should see me at my best.”
My words hang between us, heavy and charged, and I don’t know what the fuck I am doing.
“When are you at your best?” she asks hesitantly. And I can see from the determined look on her face that she is trying hard not to feel intimidated. I’m impressed. She’s like a kitten standing up to a lion.
“In bed.”

Reading the relationship from the start to the end of Pax and Mila was an amazing journey of Love, hope, redemption, and a whole lot of raw emotion. I love how we got to get inside of Pax's head and take the journey with him towards redemption and dealing with his emotions and stress. Mila was amazing in her own sweet way with helping him and being there with him through it all the way to the end and beyond ....




"Love Never Fails " show less