The Summer I Wasn't Me

Heartbreaking

Lexi goes (by choice) to a de-gaying camp. She has a variety of reasons: grief over the death of her father, and not having told him she was gay, her mother's depression and unwillingness to accept a gay daughter and heartbroken over a first unrequited love.

She hopes to come out the other end straight, so that her mom will accept her and they can be a family again.

There are several other characters with a variety of reasons, from being forced, to going against the parents wishes. Each teen is unique and has a unique story and reason for coming to camp. These characters are really well written.

The camp itself is absolutely horrifying, despicable, disgusting and so fundamentally wrong. In the name of religion and god, these show more teens are physically beaten, emotionally blackmailed and just generally abused. I hate to think that these things actually go on in anti-gay camps, but I suspect they happen daily, and too many people are subjected to this abomination.

I liked the book for tackling a topic that is not usually written about, and handling it with style, integrity and sensitivity. This should be read by everyone, teen or adult, straight or gay. It's an important book. show less

Performing Heteronormativity, Eschewing Gluten

(Spoiler alert for the last two paragraphs.)

"Someone has gone to a lot of trouble to manipulate the raw landscape into some preconceived idea of what nature should look like. Goosebumps trickle across the back of my neck as I realize that's exactly what they're going to do to me too."

When seventeen-year-old Lexi Hamilton's father died of pancreatic cancer, she not only lost her best friend - but one half of the only family's she's ever had. And with her father went the mother she used to know: happy, carefree, responsible. With it. There. In the six months since her husband's death, Christine Hamilton spiraled into a deep depression, unable to perform even the most basic of chores. It's all show more Lexi can do to keep the household going.

So when her devoutly Christian mother discovers Lexi's secret sketchbook - brimming with lovingly rendered portraits of her gorgeous ex-friend Zoe Green - Lexi agrees to spend the summer before her senior year at a "pray the gay away" reparative therapy camp. Of course she does: she doesn't want to lose her mother, too.

Nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains, camp New Horizons is as beautiful as it is surreal. Led by founder Jeremiah Martin - himself a 'recovering homosexual' - the campers perform a variety of bizarre activities over the course of the nine week-long treatment: uncovering and healing their "Father Wounds" (spoiler alert: not always caused by one's father). Engaging in 'gender-appropriate activities' (boys learn the rules of football and how to do minor home repairs, while girls take in the finer points of makeup application and hair coiffing). The dudes play baseball while the girls watch (insulting, yes, but a welcome break for those young ladies recovering from hangovers!). Going on dates with their opposite-sex, equally gay peers. Performing heteronormativity ... and participating in the occasional exorcism.

Though Lexi's determined to go straight for her mother's sake (and, okay, maybe to forget the train wreck that was Zoe Green - just a bit), a certain cute blonde camper named Carolyn threatens to derail her 'progress' (however dubious it may be) - and Lexi must decide what's more important: pretending to be someone she's not to win her mother's approval, or staying true to herself.

There's so much to adore about Jessica Verdi's The Summer I Wasn't Me: the campers' diverse and sometimes surprising reasons for coming to New Horizons. Lexi and Carolyn's creative use of The Great Gatsby to pass notes. (Though all the Gatsby love is a little difficult to relate to. Then again, maybe I would have enjoyed the novel more in high school if we'd explored the homoerotic undertones? Either way, I love that they nerd out over a book, any book.) The believable dialogue and frequent injection of humor into a potentially depressing story. Verdi's sly hat tip to the fetishization of lesbianism for the male gaze. The oftentimes ridiculous rationalizations for "SSA" (same sex attraction, in conversion therapy parlance), and the correspondingly ridiculous exercises intended to "cure" it.

(As a vegan, I especially got a kick out of counselor Kaylee's comparison of "choosing" to be straight to one's choice of a gluten-free or vegan diet: "It's hard work and involves a lot of discipline, and you have to keep making the choice to stick with it every day.")

While the "therapy" does take a violent turn in the last third of the book, Verdi's portrayal of New Horizons is somewhat tame compared to accounts from survivors of such camps: electro shock, food and water deprivation, solitary confinement, physical abuse, and suicide. Still, psychological abuse is on full display at New Horizons, with campers forced to confront past physical and sexual abuse with an audience of their peers looking on. Cell phones are prohibited, and campers may only make approved, supervised phone calls. The details of the "therapy" are frequently withheld until the moment of, and with all means of communicating with the outside world removed, the kids are essentially trapped there for the summer, helpless. Given that many of them come from tumultuous homes, this creates the perfect breeding ground for physical and sexual abuse, as we see in Matthew's case.

* begin spoiler alert! *

And yet. Verdi wraps the story up rather tidily, with an ending that feels too optimistic to ring true. While Lexi does report Martin's attempted rape of Matthew to the police, the story ends here: the consequences remain unexplored, as do the effects of the assault on Matthew. (Aside from some bruises, our perky hero appears to be fine.) While the ending implies that Martin will be brought to justice, this seems unlikely. Given the situation - a troublesome gay teen's word against that of an upstanding Christian counselor - Matthew's allegations are likely to be met with denial, victim blaming, and the like. The most probable outcome, considering what we know of Matthew's home life, is that he'll end up alone and homeless. What then?

Overall, I really enjoyed The Summer I Wasn't Me. But I can't help but think that Verdi gave us the feel-good ending we wanted, rather than the more nuanced ending we deserved.

4.5 out of 5 stars, rounded down to 4 on Amazon.

http://www.easyvegan.info/2014/06/16/the-summer-i-wasnt-me-by-jessica-verdi/ show less

Heartbreaking

Lexi goes (by choice) to a de-gaying camp. She has a variety of reasons: grief over the death of her father, and not having told him she was gay, her mother's depression and unwillingness to accept a gay daughter and heartbroken over a first unrequited love.

She hopes to come out the other end straight, so that her mom will accept her and they can be a family again.

There are several other characters with a variety of reasons, from being forced, to going against the parents wishes. Each teen is unique and has a unique story and reason for coming to camp. These characters are really well written.

The camp itself is absolutely horrifying, despicable, disgusting and so fundamentally wrong. In the name of religion and god, these show more teens are physically beaten, emotionally blackmailed and just generally abused. I hate to think that these things actually go on in anti-gay camps, but I suspect they happen daily, and too many people are subjected to this abomination.

I liked the book for tackling a topic that is not usually written about, and handling it with style, integrity and sensitivity. This should be read by everyone, teen or adult, straight or gay. It's an important book. show less

Heartbreaking

Lexi goes (by choice) to a de-gaying camp. She has a variety of reasons: grief over the death of her father, and not having told him she was gay, her mother's depression and unwillingness to accept a gay daughter and heartbroken over a first unrequited love.

She hopes to come out the other end straight, so that her mom will accept her and they can be a family again.

There are several other characters with a variety of reasons, from being forced, to going against the parents wishes. Each teen is unique and has a unique story and reason for coming to camp. These characters are really well written.

The camp itself is absolutely horrifying, despicable, disgusting and so fundamentally wrong. In the name of religion and god, these show more teens are physically beaten, emotionally blackmailed and just generally abused. I hate to think that these things actually go on in anti-gay camps, but I suspect they happen daily, and too many people are subjected to this abomination.

I liked the book for tackling a topic that is not usually written about, and handling it with style, integrity and sensitivity. This should be read by everyone, teen or adult, straight or gay. It's an important book. show less

I wasn't expecting this book to be as dark as it was. Of course, I was expecting some darkness. As a queer person myself, I can't imagine what it would be like to go through one of these camps (which still exist) and come out the same. The psychological aftereffects that Verdi shows is in itself terrifying, but the book just gets darker and darker (with some light in Carolyn and Lexi's relationship).

One of my favorite characters is Matthew. Most people seemed to be committed to changing their sexuality, but Matthew was the rebel. Oh, and he liked Broadway. It's a bit stereotypical, but I love Broadway. And I actually liked how Lexi came into it with an open mind, even though she didn't mind being gay in the first place. It just gives show more even more of a perspective on how horrible these camps were.

Another point that was kind of eh was the fact that it was only monosexuality that was featured. Sure, Matthew mentioned the Kinsey scale, but it wasn't put into practice. Bisexuality exists.

Otherwise, a really good read. I couldn't put it down. show less

{my thoughts} – I accepted this review with an open mind. I understood what the jist of the book was about and that I may not end up liking it. I strongly try not to be overly judgmental when it comes to reading a book and I couldn’t help but do that while reading this particular book. Be judgmental that is.

This book is about a girl named Lexi that has lost her dad to cancer and her mom falls into a shell of depression. One day her mom questions her about her sexuality and Lexi chooses to be honest with her as opposed to lie. This causes a lot of sour tension between her and her mother for days. Her mother then tells her that the Pastor of their church would like to see her the next day. Lexi meets with the Pastor who gives her a show more brochure to a de-gayifying camp called New Horizons and sends her on her way. When Lexi gets home her mother seemingly appears to be a different person. Lexi attends the camp under the understanding she needs to cure herself to save whats left of her family.

When Lexi gets to the camp she is placed in a group with three other campers – Carolyn, Daniel and Matthew. These three characters with Lexi help to build a wonderful atmosphere within the book. Their playful banter, their opposing ideals, their inability to let the world bring them down and their desire to please are some of the traits I ran across. This is all I will say in regards to the book on a spoiler premise.

However, did I like the characters. I did like the four main characters. I did not like Mr. Martian or his counselors he had working with the children. I didn’t enjoy his attitude in general throughout the entire book and was disgusted by him the more I read. I was surprised when I learned more about Briana but I still couldn’t learn to like her anymore then Mr. Martian. I fell in love with Lexi and Matthew and learned to like Carolyn and Danial.

There were many things in this book I had problems getting through. I didn’t like the constant you must change your ways or you cannot go into the kingdom of Heaven. I strongly believe that if people weren’t meant to be who they are God wouldn’t have made them the way they are. I don’t see anything wrong with those individuals that are attracted to the same gender and it irritates me that this book was so determined to make it seem like such a nasty thing. I know that isn’t the stance the book keeps, but instead of helping teenagers and giving them hope – the book misleads them and sets them up for confusion and terrible thoughts to possibly cross their minds.

One of the most memorable parts of the book for me was the attack on Harry Potter. You’ll have to read the book to know what I am talking about, but it was an interesting analogy in my opinion.

I admit this book was well written, I don’t have anything wrong with how it is written it is with the how the storyline was delivered. I don’t know if this was the right book for me to read, as I had trouble committing to the story. I also had problems walking away from it completely because I wanted to know what happened in the end even though I was mostly unsatisfied with the book. I just can’t stand behind a book that in a sense instills in teenagers that they aren’t normal if they don’t like opposite genders. I strongly believe that you can’t help who you fall in love with.

If you want to know what happens in the book completely you will need to read it, but you may have just as much difficulty enjoying the book as I did. show less

{my thoughts} – I accepted this review with an open mind. I understood what the jist of the book was about and that I may not end up liking it. I strongly try not to be overly judgmental when it comes to reading a book and I couldn’t help but do that while reading this particular book. Be judgmental that is.

This book is about a girl named Lexi that has lost her dad to cancer and her mom falls into a shell of depression. One day her mom questions her about her sexuality and Lexi chooses to be honest with her as opposed to lie. This causes a lot of sour tension between her and her mother for days. Her mother then tells her that the Pastor of their church would like to see her the next day. Lexi meets with the Pastor who gives her a show more brochure to a de-gayifying camp called New Horizons and sends her on her way. When Lexi gets home her mother seemingly appears to be a different person. Lexi attends the camp under the understanding she needs to cure herself to save whats left of her family.

When Lexi gets to the camp she is placed in a group with three other campers – Carolyn, Daniel and Matthew. These three characters with Lexi help to build a wonderful atmosphere within the book. Their playful banter, their opposing ideals, their inability to let the world bring them down and their desire to please are some of the traits I ran across. This is all I will say in regards to the book on a spoiler premise.

However, did I like the characters. I did like the four main characters. I did not like Mr. Martian or his counselors he had working with the children. I didn’t enjoy his attitude in general throughout the entire book and was disgusted by him the more I read. I was surprised when I learned more about Briana but I still couldn’t learn to like her anymore then Mr. Martian. I fell in love with Lexi and Matthew and learned to like Carolyn and Danial.

There were many things in this book I had problems getting through. I didn’t like the constant you must change your ways or you cannot go into the kingdom of Heaven. I strongly believe that if people weren’t meant to be who they are God wouldn’t have made them the way they are. I don’t see anything wrong with those individuals that are attracted to the same gender and it irritates me that this book was so determined to make it seem like such a nasty thing. I know that isn’t the stance the book keeps, but instead of helping teenagers and giving them hope – the book misleads them and sets them up for confusion and terrible thoughts to possibly cross their minds.

One of the most memorable parts of the book for me was the attack on Harry Potter. You’ll have to read the book to know what I am talking about, but it was an interesting analogy in my opinion.

I admit this book was well written, I don’t have anything wrong with how it is written it is with the how the storyline was delivered. I don’t know if this was the right book for me to read, as I had trouble committing to the story. I also had problems walking away from it completely because I wanted to know what happened in the end even though I was mostly unsatisfied with the book. I just can’t stand behind a book that in a sense instills in teenagers that they aren’t normal if they don’t like opposite genders. I strongly believe that you can’t help who you fall in love with.

If you want to know what happens in the book completely you will need to read it, but you may have just as much difficulty enjoying the book as I did. show less