If I Fall, If I Die

Contrived ending trips up If I Fall, If I Die

Will is an eleven year-old boy and the child of a single mother Diane.

Diane suffers from agoraphobia and has kept herself and her son "Inside" their house in Thunder Bay for the better part of his young life. Because he knows nothing else except what his mother has told him he accepts that going "Outside" is a death sentence.

Diane has inherited the family home and they live off generous monthly support payments from her ex-husband, a successful architect. Everything, apparently, can be delivered.

One day Will hears an odd bang and goes outside to investigate.

He doesn't die.

He meets a young Native boy, the enigmatic Marcus. This brief encounter has a profound affect on Will and he sees show more Marcus as his friend and someone who can teach him about the "Outside".

He begins to sneak out and search for Marcus and gradually realizes he's not in imminent danger.

Despite his Mother's misgivings he decides he wants to go to school, rather than continue being taught at home. He makes friends with another First Nations boy, Jonah, an acquaintance of Marcus and together they continue to search for their missing friend.

Soon their search arouses the ire of some very unsavory people who inhabit the decaying waterfront and grain elevators of Thunder Bay.

Author Michael Christie's writing is fresh and professional. He does a masterful job in describing Diane's illness, which is the overriding issue in the novel. His depiction of a young boy coming of age with a mother who has a debilitating mental condition is convincing. Lesser issues like the inherent racism in Canadian society toward First Nations people is dealt with subtly and without being didactic. There's even some interesting information about the sport of skateboarding.

However, the story is essentially a mystery, even if it's not promoted as one, and that's where If I Fall, If I Die gets tripped up.

The climax of the novel is disappointing. I got the impression the writer wrote himself into a corner and had to come up with some pretty far-fetched, out-of character actions to get out of it.

Forget the unlikely coincidences, what is really disconcerting is after doing such a good job of portraying the symptoms and manifestations of agoraphobia, Christie resorts to the misguided concept that when something really, really important needs to be done the mentally ill person can be put aside their illness, at least temporarily, and take the appropriate action.

The denouement is unrealistic as well; bad guys turn good, Native children actually succeed, families are reunited, the mentally ill people live together in harmony.

Like so many literary novels I read, I get the impression If I Fall, If I Die started out as something else, what I'm not quite sure and neither is the author. Eventually, authors have to end their stories and so it is for Christie, but not knowing where you're going in the first place means you don't know where you'll finish.

That's probably why this ending seems highly unlikely rather than inevitable. show less

A special thank you to Crown Publishing and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

IF I FALL, IF I DIE, by Canadian Michael Christie, delivers a heartfelt and poignant coming- of- age magical debut—from fear to adventure; mother and son – a complex portrayal of mental illness, family, and friendship.

Will is a boy, not stepping outside the confines of his home until age 11. Diane, single agoraphobic mother lives in a constant panic of the world outside the doors of their home.

Inside/Outside – two world collide. Once a promising filmmaker, a mother is controlled by paranoia, depression, and agoraphobia. She believes in a world rich in culture, art, travel –however, all within the inside. A safe world. She show more creates a world to keep them safe with no risk.

She makes Will wear a helmet; however, he is lured by the outside world and is tempted by other boys. He discovers skateboarding and once he steps out, he realizes he does not die. He wants to live.

Christie captures the conflict between Will’s love and loyalty to his mother and the adventure and desire of the outside world, with both compassion and humor. Brilliantly told, with beautiful, creative, and haunting prose--an exploration of the fearful, dark mental frailty.

FALL, IF I DIE A bittersweet portrayal of psychological, and emotional human dynamics between mother and son, for a mysterious, and intriguing contemporary read. An author to follow! show less

I was lucky enough to hear Michael Christie speak at a writer’s festival before I read If I Fall, If I Die. Two things stuck out for me at that reading; one was the length of the applause afterwards, and the other was the audible gasp from the audience when Christie announced: “This is my story, I wrote it for my mother.”

Knowing that Christie grew up with an agoraphobic mother, just as his character Will does, adds additional poignancy to the novel. Essentially a coming of age story about Will, it is also more broadly about love, loss, fear, and how the fear of loss can prevent someone from living fully. The story reveals how Will’s mother’s mental health deteriorated to the point where she could not leave the house. Her show more struggle to keep her son safe will resonate with all parents, whether they suffer from a mental illness or not. “Watching the people you love get hurt is part of the deal” (317).

I think this book will find a big YA audience as well. Teens may connect with the adventure storyline and with the authentic skateboarding references. Like Will, they may be pulling away from smothering parental influence, striking out on their own and doing a little risk taking. Perhaps too, they find that enduring the bumps and bruises of skateboarding somehow helps render life’s bigger wipeouts a little less terrifying (319). show less

There is a sense in which If I Fall, If I Die attempts both too much and not enough. It has an admirable reach, addressing debilitating mental illness, native exploitation, the decline of one of Canada’s more honourable commodities, youth abandonment, fatal illness, and truancy. On the other hand, it devolves into a “Hardy Boys” mystery with a deflationary climax. Skateboards may be all about falling; novels too, if they don’t hold their nerve.

Young Will Cardiel has never been Outside. His mother is suffering extreme agoraphobia. She’s a famous film artist, or was before her fears set in. His absent father is a world famous architect. Will and his mother have moved back to her childhood home in Thunder Bay. But eventually Will show more is going to get tempted into the Outside. And his life will never be the same. Once he braves their yard, he eventually makes it to school, finds a friend or two, and takes up the skateboard as his instrument of fate. He is driven by a mystery that he wants to solve and that will, with complications, take him far beyond the Outside that he imagined.

Much of this novel is well written, vivid, and evocative. It is also uneven, as perhaps is common in first novels. Some important characters (e.g. Titus and Butler) are not integrated into the story as a whole. So at times it feels as though different novels have been bolted onto one another. That’s not a bad thing, in itself. And here it almost works.

Even if I don’t think I would recommend this novel, I would be willing to read something further from the author. He has talent and drive, and given his history on the skateboard, he has a habit of getting back up and trying again until he makes it. show less

If I Fall, If I Die definitely exceeded my expectations. Though I liked Michael Christies book of short stories, Beggar's Garden, I much preferred If I Fall, I Die. At it's heart, it is a coming of age story. It is the story of young fellow, Will, aged about 9 who has lived " Inside' he and his mother's home for most of his life. His mom suffers with agoraphobia and anxiety. Eventually curiosity overcomes Will and he decides to go " Outside" and to school. Having lived inside all of his life, naturally he is bullied at school and regarded as rather odd. He makes friends with a small group of people, a fellow student, Jonah, a First Nations boy, and girl who suffers with cystic fibrosis. The town of Thunder Bay , Ontario is where he show more lives. I found Thunder Bay to be a fascinating and well described place. While many years ago, it was bustling town full of grain pools and the shipping of grain, it is now a dying town, with illegal grain alcohol as one it's biggest products. Subtly ,the author acquaints us with the lack of acceptance of First Nations people, the feel of a small a decayed town, with the many people living on the margins. I really got a most interesting feel for Thunder Bay, a gritty, decaying place, that likely exists in far more small towns across Canada than I realized. The situation of First Nations people became more real for me. The story also became a page turner, in that Will and his friend are pulled into the cross-hairs of the criminal element of Thunder Bay.

I very much enjoyed the story, even if parts of it strain credulity. Thunder Bay almost became a character to me , so well was it described and I felt I gained a much better understanding of First Nations people and the lack of integration that happens in so many places. Will's story of dealing with an mom suffering with agoraphobia was certainly an interesting one, but only one part of the story.

My suspicion is that this book will have a limited appeal. Though I am giving it 4 stars and very much appreciated reading it, it will appeal most to those who are keen on Canadian Literature , with it's quirky , dark appeal and unusual story line.

Will it make the short list? One never knows what the Giller Prize Judges are looking for . I was really was fascinated at how the author was able to give the feel of how marginalized First Nations people are, just by presenting them as part of the story. The decaying small town feel became so real for me too. Living in a large, growing urban centre, this was very interesting story for me. Very glad I picked up this book from my local library.

Guardedly recommended. For me , it was a fabulous but unusual read, but it won't appeal to everyone - even those who want to it read for the Giller Prize. 4 keen stars from me. show less

I found that this book was initially promising. It is the story of Diane, a woman with severe agoraphobia, who lives in utter seclusion with her son, Will. Diane's sad story of her childhood and the losses of those closest to her eventually emerges. When Will seeks knowledge of the outside world and gains an understanding of how different his life is from his peers, the story takes a different turn and gradually becomes implausible to me as a reader. It is a coming-of-age that veers into dark areas. I ceased connecting with this novel at that point.

I had read a lot about this book over the past couple of months, and I found the premise really interesting, so I decided to pick it up last week between books.

The story follows Will, an eleven-year-old boy who has grown up under the care of his severely agoraphobic mother and has never left his Thunder Bay home (Inside). The story started off exactly as I wanted it to: we are introduced to Will's world from his own perspective, how his mother's illness has influenced him, what he personally thinks of the world past his doorstep (Outside), and what he perceives a "normal" life to be. I was instantly hooked. Then you are introduced to his mother Diane's narration, which is an equally fascinating look at the events that led up to Diane's show more disorder, how she feels about her choices, and what it's like to live with crippling anxiety.

It was just after that, when the story began to change paths, that I became disappointed. The novel became less about what it was like to deal with agoraphobia and growing up in a different living environment and became more of a children's mystery novel threaded with a skateboarding theme. I found it disorienting how the sections narrated by Will reflected a book more suited to a younger audience whereas the sections narrated by Diane at times seemed to be from a separate novel intended for a more adult audience (these are the sections I enjoyed most).

Overall, I think this book is well suited for a more preteen audience. I'm just not personally interested in mysteries where young children are the heroes and "bad guys" are pretty one dimensional, where deus ex machina is used a bit too easily, and it's relatively easy to guess the twist. I think I would have absolutely enjoyed this more if I was younger; it just didn't appeal to my version of reality or what I wanted to focus on. show less