The Sound of Gravel: A Memoir

As someone fascinated by the plight of women and children in fundamentalist religions, I started reading this book within hours of hearing about its existence. I've read several books written by survivors of fundamentalist Mormon sects (cults) and, while often thought-provoking, they are not usually well-written, owing undoubtedly to the authors' lack of education. Ruth Wariner's "The Sound of Gravel" was a surprising exception to that rule and I enjoyed the simple, eloquent writing and the pace of her story a great deal.

Because I hope you will read it for yourself and the story has enough interest and suspense to really hook readers, I will spare you any spoilers in my review. Instead, I will just say that the story depicts a lot of show more what you probably expect if you've ever heard anything about the lives of women and children inside similar sects; there's a great deal of poverty, some of it shocking and some of it commonplace, and there's abuse in all its myriad forms. There are also many unexpected details; for example, the women of Ms. Wariner's particular religious sect enjoyed a great deal more freedom than women in some of the other, more well-known Mormon Fundamentalist cults. But more than that, this is a story of strength and quiet dignity living right alongside weakness and complete self-debasement. I found myself wishing it was a novel; not only so that Ms. Wariner would have been spared the trials of her childhood, but because I became deeply interested in the minds of her mother and siblings and wanted, desperately, to know more of their thoughts and feelings.

My only complaint about it is that it isn't long enough. Ms. Wariner chose to end her story suddenly when she finally made her escape from the life of religious poverty and abuse; the rest of her life's story is simply sketched out in the epilog. The sudden ending took me by surprise and I would really love to know about how the children coped outside of their upbringing. This is the story of the author's childhood and her escape from fundamentalism, it isn't her life's story. But it is still a wonderful read and I would encourage anyone with any interest in its main topics to read it. I don't think you would regret the decision to do so.

After you read (AFTER!) do check the author's website where she has a lovely photo gallery of family photos available to view. show less

This was the August book for one of my book clubs (I’m delayed in posting this review). One of my favorite things about book clubs is that they push me out of my reading comfort zone. I haven’t read many memoirs, but I’m learning to appreciate and enjoy them. Especially when they are as well written as The Sound of Gravel.

It’s a heartbreaking look at a side of polygamy I’ve never seen before. My “knowledge” of polygamy up to this point has pretty much only consisted of Sister Wives on TLC. The Sound of Gravel could not be more different. Ruth Wariner holds nothing back when describing her childhood as part of a polygamist group in Mexico, revealing the abuse not only she but her mother (and others) suffered at the hands show more of her stepfather in such detail it is difficult to read. But it is worth reading. There is so much to learn from this book and its author.

I only gave it 3 stars because there are parts that drag on and others that could use some more depth, and it’s hard to figure out an exact timeline for things, but I recommend it to anyone interested in learning about different lifestyles and relationships. show less

With clear-eyed prose and unwavering courage, Wariner takes a hard look back at her life and the lives of her siblings and mother in a polygamist community in Mexico. Wariner's voice is honest and unflinching when she describes the hardships and abuse she and her family faced. I applaud not only her survival but her ability to thrive after everything she was put through. Although the subject matter can at times be difficult to read, this book is extremely well-written. Definitely recommend.

The dark side of polygamy is on full display in Ruth Wariner's memoir of growing up in Colonia LeBaron, a fundamentalist Mormon enclave in rural Mexico. Ruth's mother, Kathy, was the fifth wife of colony leader Joel LeBaron (Ruth's father) but after he was murdered, she became another man's third wife. The new husband, Lane, was only periodically attentive to Kathy and her brood, which included three developmentally disabled children. Kathy and her children lived in poverty and almost unimaginable squalor. Remarkably, although Kathy could (and sometimes did) leave Lane to live with her parents in the United States, she never stayed away from him or the colony for long. She believed, with unshakable conviction, that by "living polygamy" show more she was following God's will and storing up blessings for the afterlife.

Ultimately, Kathy's and Lane's selfishness and neglect, as well as the hazardous living conditions to which they subjected their children, led to a preventable tragedy.

The Sound of Gravel is a powerful, moving story, which deserves a place alongside other memoirs of hardscrabble childhoods such as Angela's Ashes, The Glass Castle, and This Life is in Your Hands. I hope it finds a wide readership. show less

“The Sound of Gravel” is another in the growing and popular memoir genre of dysfunctional families. I’ve read many of them including: “Educated” by Tara Westover, “The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls, “The Liar’s Club” by Mary Karr, “Running With Scissors” by Augusten Burroughs, “Angela’s Ashes” by Frank McCourt, “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jeanette McCurdy (I bailed on this one about halfway through), and on and on. I have to say with the exception of “Angela’s Ashes,” which I consider a modern day classic, I think Ruth Wariner’s “The Sound of Gravel” is the best of the lot. And, yes, that includes the heralded “The Glass Castle” and “Educated.” The story of Warnier’s growing up show more in a polygamous world of the Mormon Church is harrowing at times, sad at other times, and disturbing at all times. My only complaint about the book is the same complaint I have about all modern memoirs: The authors have such unrealistic memories of details dating back to even their earliest years that credibility is stretched. I guess that is what authors of these books have to do to compete in the genre. That said, I think Ruth Wariner is a gifted writer, and her academic achievements (which we only find out about in the acknowledgements) are remarkable given what she came from. I am in awe of her, and I highly recommend her book and look forward to many more from her. show less

This book was a compelling read that caught my attention and held it for a two-day read. The opening words set the scene: "I am my mother's fourth child and my father's thirty-ninth. I grew up in Colonia LeBaron...in Mexico.." It is written from the viewpoint of a young girl growing up as the daughter of wife #2 in a Mexican community of American polygamist Mormons in the 1980s. They lived on food stamps and Medicaid, girls didn't need to stay in school, and the author's mother never could leave or stand up to their dangerous and abusive stepfather, Lane. Even more incomprehensible, the author's mother selected "wife #3 - Susan" "because Lane would have anyway, so this way I can choose my next sister-wife." These are highlights - the show more theme is of a young girl growing and surviving through a life few people have experienced, or understand.

The Sound of Gravel (published in 2015) has many similarities and parallel themes to Tara Westover's Educated, (published in 2018). I am not listing them to avoid spoilers. If you read Educated, you will also like this book. This would make a great book club read, and it is a recommend. show less

"I slowly walked toward my mother's grave. I picked up a large handful of gravel and rolled the hot pieces of stone and sand in my hand, thinking about the place..."

Ruth Wariner blew me away with this captivating memoir. I started it one night, late, with the thought of reading a few pages to get the flavor of the story and found myself reading until I just couldn't stay awake any longer.

What immediately struck me was the dire poverty as compared to other polygamist enclaves I was aware existed. I just couldn't wrap my head around her mother; her deeply entrenched belief that husband was a prophet and her need to raise her children in such squalor. I would love to have been inside the minds of these sister wives.

Rhetorical questions show more keep popping into my mind one after another. What kind of moral example does a parent send to their children when they illegally leach social assistance from the US as a means of survival? How can anyone consider this a religious lifestyle; overlooking sexual predators, murder, malnutrition et al? What drives a man to yearn more and more wives and more and more children that they simply ignore or abuse?

The story is made more powerful as the narration begins when Ruthie is five years old. The horrors and dangers she must overcome are almost unimaginable and made more so as viewed from a young child's perspective; especially a child as perceptive and engaging as Ruth. As we listen to Ruthie's story, as she ages, it becomes unbearable to witness the adult community immune to the needs of these children.

Again, I ask, when given the opportunity several times to make her children's lives more comfortable and safe, why does Ruth's mother return the family to the horrors of Colonia LeBaron?

Ruth packs more than a lifetime of emotion and strength of character in this amazing memoir.

And most importantly, we are asked to question our definitions of religion, trust, love, happiness, loyalty, family tradition, and more. This book will have you thinking about a lot of things for a very long time.

Highly recommended. This brilliant work is a book club must read.

I want to thank the publisher, Flatiron Pres via edelweiss for the free advance e-reader copy in exchange for my honest review. show less