I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual

I like the author's audacity in asserting that she has jurisdiction, she has all the information she needs, and she's judging you! I enjoy her verbal playfulness. I don't think she ever runs out of fresh and funny ways to say something is terrible. But, as funny as individual bits are, all together they are too same-samey to make a book.

Also, although Ajayi acknowledges that judging opens you up to being judged, she spends a lot of time deflecting judgement. For example, she opens the chapter on how terrible it is that we make people hate themselves for being fat with a story of how some random man asked her, "Aren't you like a hundred pounds?" I see what you did there, Luvvie, and I'm judging you.

In a similar vein to Samantha Irby's essays about contemporary society and culture, but not as frank or cringe-inducing (in a good way!), and not as funny, at least to me. I'm not sorry I listened to it, but I don't think I'll remember all that much about it, though there were some standout entries, especially the one about feminism.

Let’s face it: We are human. We make mistakes. We have flaws. We have prejudices, too. It’s our job as humans to do our best to learn from our mistakes, embrace our flaws, and correct our prejudices, which is why I am always looking for a good self-help book. And boy, did I find one in I’m Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi.

The book is divided into four sections: Life, Culture, Social Media, and Fame. Within each section, Luvvie addresses how we can do better as a people – from washing bras to the plague of rape culture. Some of her essays are light-hearted while others tackle harder topics, such as racism, sexism, homophobia, and fake news.

I’m Judging You is downright hilarious. It’s rare for me to cackle my way through an entire show more book, but that’s exactly what I did. I also loved how Luvvie integrated details about her native Nigeria and her culture and growing up black in America. Coupled with these heavier topics are Luvvie’s sharp wit, down-to-earth style, and fantastic truth bombs. She shines the most in the “Culture” section, and her chapters about racism are must re-reads.

You’ll learn a lot from I’m Judging You, and I look forward to reading Luvvie’s new book when it’s released (honestly, it can’t get here soon enough!).

My big takeaways:

#1: Write like you speak

“Write like you speak” is actually a quote by Seth Godin, and Luvvie is a master at implementing it. I love Luvvie’s approachable, funny writing style. And it’s just like she speaks. I tend to write more stiffly and formerly, instead of embracing my speech style, which is funny and uplifting. As I work on my book, I will remember how Luvvie was authentic in her writing style and will do my best write like I speak, too.

#2: White women must do better

This book was published in 2016, and it’s a shame that many of the racist issues discussed in Luvvie’s book are still a problem. And they are still a problem because white people can’t get their acts together (we are the only ones who can fix racism). As a white woman, I am constantly working on being a better ally. For sure, I’m a work in progress, but it’s essential that I not stop. I must do better.

#3: Do something that matters

This is the title of Luvvie’s last chapter, and it’s a chapter I wish I had written. Luvvie writes: “I am a big believer in the notion that we’ve each got to look outside ourselves and figure out what we’re going to do to make this world a little less terrible.” (page 231)

This is my belief too, and it’s something I feel especially strong for female entrepreneurs with a platform. Even if it’s a small platform, you can make an impact. Think about what causes are important to you and advocate for them. It doesn’t need to be slick or perfect – just do your best. For Heaven’s sake, don’t be silent. The world needs your Meaningful Noise, now more than ever.

How I’m Judging You relates to entrepreneurs:

The last two sections, Social Media and Fame, are important reads for entrepreneurs. Social media is a common way of marketing your business, and the lessons Luvvie teaches us in these chapters are excellent reminders about staying authentic in your social media marketing. The Fame section reminds us that our impact is much more everlasting than a viral video. Don’t be too quick to wish for fame; instead, ask yourself: How can I make a difference? show less

I was suckered in by the book teaser and excited to read and win a review copy of this book.

Important note right off the bat: the book's author, Luvvie Ajayi, is a blogger - I had never heard of her and had never (and still haven't) seen her blog. To me, she was an entirely fresh voice, but to anyone familiar with her, I'm not sure if it's fresh content or rewarmed from stuff she's already served up for her blog audience.

This is not a book that I'd typically buy and I quite liked it.

It's a cultural critique and it's snippy and smart - Luvvie has a strong POV and an interesting and distinct voice. I found myself nodding along as several of the things that bring out her side-eye, draw a huge eyeroll and raise my blood pressure too!

Some show more of the situations/types of people she calls out that I particularly relate to: those people who so badly need validation from their social media "friends" and followers, the herd mentality and lack of chivalry and manners of airline passengers and the the rise of Twitter as a news source and subsequent decline of critical thought, journalistic credibility and accuracy.

These are common annoyances and they're keenly observed and fun.

She takes a different tone, edgy social humorist on more important topics such as homophobia, racism and rape culture. These have more bite to them - and they should. Those are terrible and systematic problems within the US. While I didn't always agree with everything she says, she speaks to them authentically and through the lens of her experience. Her perspective is smart, well thought out and she's an interesting voice in the chorus on some really serious societal issues.

I also appreciate that she's firm on where she stands when it wouldn't necessarily be obvious or guessed. For example, she professes she's a Christian, yet writes in a way that doesn't seem to be 'closed' to people of other beliefs and faiths or those who aren't believers or spiritual at all.

What is jarring to me about the book is that it doesn't always know what it wants to be. It starts out talking about rude behavior in airports and ends up addressing racism (as an example). However, her writing style and voice make her better suited to credibly addressing the former than the latter.

Sometimes, she gets a little too cutesy and it detracts from what could be a real zinger of a point. There's only so much "smizes," "summagoats," and "dambs" that this reader could take. I appreciate a good inventive invectives as much as anyone, but enough is enough. If you have to footnote to explain your use of "damb" versus "damn," stop it already.

Some of her asides made me laugh out loud - "...tasted like the tears of my disappointed ancestors" or "my bae Netflix." She's clever and I appreciate when her humor is intelligent and barbed. However, like some comics that get desperate for audience reaction, she sometimes becomes a little too desperate for a laugh. She's so original of a voice, that you don't want to see/read her going for lowbrow bits for a shock value reaction...and yet she does, a few times (talking about you, bit on anal bleach).

All in all, this book is worth a TBR pile add and recommended as a smart, original and sharply-humored diatribe on some of the trials, tribulations and serious illnesses of modern culture.

I suspect it could be even better as an audiobook. show less

Somehow, I hadn’t heard of Ms. Ajayi until a couple of months ago. Clearly, I have been missing out. Thankfully I learned of her via this great collection of essays.

When, after seeing the entertaining cover, someone asked what I was reading, I described it as a little bit silly but a lot serious. Some of the topic areas might be considered lighter fare, which is what I was expecting for the whole of the book (again, my fault, as I wasn’t familiar with the author). But it’s so much more than an amusing frolic through modern-day ways people act like asshats; it’s also a collection of essays on serious topics.

These topics benefit from Ms. Ajayi’s talented way with words; she can drop in a clever aside or snide remark into a very show more serious essay without breaking up the flow. It doesn’t lessen the impact; instead it reminds the reader that these issues are not so esoteric that we can’t all have a vested interested in addressing them.

Ms. Ajayi discusses rape culture, racism, religion, fame, feminism and more in this collection, and I felt I either related to or learned something from nearly every one. The only section where I felt some measure of disagreement (and it was such a tiny measure) was with her description of atheists. I appreciate that as an atheist I was already going to be a bit sensitive to what anyone says about this group, and others might read it and totally agree with her take on us. Regardless, even that bit was edifying to a degree.

I was expecting an entertaining etiquette book and instead got deep social criticism, and that ended up being exactly what I needed. show less

I received an ARC of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This did not affect my opinion of this book or my review itself.

In I'm Judging You: A Do-Better Manual, Luvvie Ajayi takes on the woes of the world, and does it all with wit and passion. From racism to sexism, social media to religion, nothing escapes Ajayi's scathing side-eye or sharp humor.

What Did I Like?

This is a book where I walked away feeling educated and fired up. Ajayi knows what she is talking about, and she makes you feel just how messed up so much of our world can be.

And she does it all with a wonderful wit, full of sarcasm, biting retorts, and honest humor. Just when things start to feel painfully heavy, she will have you laughing out loud show more on the train (true story, by the way). Ajayi is masterful at knowing just when to intersperse her brilliant humor.

Anything I Didn't Like?

The book occasionally felt a little repetitive in terms of style and substance. I suspect I would not have felt this way had I been reading an article a day on her immensely popular website, as opposed to taking in essay after essay as set out in book form.

So...?

Read this book. It is that rare find that will make you think and make you laugh. show less

I was not familiar with the author, and the cover copy makes it seem like this is going to be another one of those books written by a blogger or celebrity that try very hard to be funny but don't say anything of substance.

I was a bit surprised by how wrong that assumption was! Luvvie covers social media, bad manners, and other somewhat trivial topics with insight and wit. Where she really shines, however, is in the section of the book discussing impossible standards of beauty, racism, honophobia, sexism, and other social issues.

I occasionally disagree with her on minor points, and there are certainly other books thoroughly examining these topics, but she does a fantastic job at giving an overview of the issues. She's oirreverent and show more funny and ultimately challenging readers to be more thoughtful better people. I think this book will really be enjoyed by serious-minded readers in their 20s and 30s who will understand the pop culture references sprinkled throughout. show less