This Close to Happy: A Reckoning with Depression

This is, objectively speaking, a fine memoir about the author’s lifelong struggle with major depressive disorder. A lot of memoirs about mental health are from people with bipolar disorder, or are written by men, so it was refreshing and interesting to read about a different kind of mental illness from a woman’s point of view.

Merkin does not delve into facts and figures, doesn’t bore with exposition -- she welcomes you into her personal life and her struggles. She is very frank and very open. She is raw and unflinching about her family life and her own upbringing. You may love this or hate it-- she comes from privilege but lived a life of emotional deprivation. You might say “poor little rich girl” but then I think you would show more be missing the point.

At times, she speaks so eloquently about the feelings and frustrations of depression, about the peaks and valleys of suicidal ideation, the hopes and failures of hospitalization and treatments-- it really spoke to me. At other times, she dwells so hard on her upbringing, on her childhood and complicated relationship with her mother; I felt ostracized. An outsider, looking in. I wanted to see more of myself in the book, forgetting sometimes that this was her story to tell.

Sometimes it felt like a 3 star book, but ultimately I gave it 4. show less

It was well-written, deeply personal and compelling, but I couldn't give it five stars. For one, it was only half a memoir of depression--it was at least half, and possibly more, a memoir of a very destructive mother-daughter relationship. For which I have a ton of sympathy, but the story of the relationship and the story of the depression, while discussed at the same time, were rarely connected in a meaningful way. The reader is left to tease out for themselves how the relationship contributed to the depression.

(I agree that it did; it's just that the way it was written it felt more like two books shuffled together in one.)

Also, I felt so terribly sorry for her. Even years after her mother's death she's not able to let go of her need show more for her approval. So in addition to a book about abuse and a book about depression it was, I guess, a book about how incredibly difficult it is to change. show less

Intense! Merkin leaves no holds barred when describing her battles with depression. It is an honest description of one's battles with depression, with the caveat that the author's depression resists treatment. Not everyone's journey with depression follows that path.

This autobiography describes the author's lifelong battle with depression and suicidal thoughts. It is an interesting story of perseverance but provides little insight or wisdom for those who may struggle with life's difficulties.

too much of a downer.