Pansies

So, at this point I basically feel like Alexis Hall can do no wrong. His books are always well written, entertaining, sexy, and peopled by fascinating characters it's fun to get to know. Pansies is no exception. What I think of as the "markers" of Hall's contemporary romances are all here: characters from a specific place that deeply informs who they are; attention to detail, especially details about things the characters do (their work, etc) which illustrate who the characters are; at least one "weighty" issue handled brilliantly; excellent side characters; a fight that you see coming but don't really see how the characters could avoid; a deep dive into character dynamics; and a happy ending. This time the story follows two men who show more hated each other as children (one bullied the other) but who fall for each other when circumstances draw them both back to their home town. Recommended. show less

ETA: Re-read updated version 11/17/24. I'm a little more uncomfortable with the "fall in love with your childhood bully" trope this time around; the past eight years have made me more wary of toxic masculinity. Alfie's disastrous DIY attempt will never not be funny though.
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I am in awe of Alexis Hall's command of the English language. It's as if each word were carefully chosen to have maximum emotional impact on the reader - whether that emotion is passion, humor, grief or anger. I rationed out this book over the course of a full week to savor it slowly, which is very unusual for a bookaholic like myself who usually inhales books in one greedy gulp.

Hall's most recent release, Looking for Group, frankly lost me with all of show more the gaming descriptions, but the only thing hard to understand in Pansies is a little bit of the rural English dialect. Alfie Bell has to be one of Hall's best MC's ever, newly out and proud but still not sure how to reconcile the gay lifestyle with the "man's man" he was raised to be by his father and brother. After a mind-blowing one night stand, he realizes he has just slept with Fen, the boy that he and his friends mercilessly bullied when they schoolmates. The journey from hatred to forgiveness and finally love isn't easy, and not just because Fen justifiably wants to put Alfie's head down the loo. Fen has other troubles that are not related to Alfie, and Alfie has a successful finance job back in London that is waiting for him. But the biggest challenge is figuring out how to become who he really wants to be: a decent bloke who belatedly realizes that his thoughtless bullying truly traumatized Fen, a gay man from conservative coastal South Shields who is terrible at DIY (the scene where Alfie tries to fix a hole in Fen's bathroom wall is hilariously disastrous), and ultimately a loyal, kind, generous guy who wants to take care of and come home to his lover every night for the rest of their lives.

Ever since Hall burst onto the M/M scene with Glitterland he has tried several different subgenres - D/s, gamers, steampunk - but I think when he just tells a simple love story he is at his best. Pansies is just lovely and possibly the best novel he has written to date. show less

There were several times through this book that I couldn't figure out how I felt about it. I mean, it's so so good, of course, but so much of it was painful that I can't quite say it hit me the right way right now.

Some other day? Maybe. Or maybe this one isn't it for me.

The prologue is stunning. Fen's letters are stunning. I loved Greg and Kitty, but I found a couple of conflicts unconvincing, partially because these characters know so much of love. It was well-written. Complicated and not. And so are my feelings on it overall.

FGMAMTC Blog Review  Giveaway
4.5 stars

I love the complexity of Alfie and Fen and how they don’t quite fit into the molds for any characters I’ve read before. The bully turned lover has been done before, but this story doesn’t start with the bullying so we aren’t in that frame of mind from the beginning. We have a chance to really get to know who they are as adults.
Fen is having a difficult time moving past a major loss and figuring out which direction he wants to take his life. Besides that he seems to be a pretty well adjusted individual. He knows what he likes, and he knows his self-worth.
Alfie looks like he has life majorly handled on the outside, but really he is having the hardest time accepting himself. He craves to show more fall in love and settle down. If it isn’t investment banking, he’s basically lost. Real life is hard.
Both guys are really just what the other needs. I loved their courtship. It doesn’t follow any pattern. While they got to really know and appreciate each other, I did also. They have these weird quirks and super sweet little bits about them.
Pansies is romantic, sexy, sad and funny. There isn’t a lot of outside action. The book is about these two men including their emotions and dialogue. It has erotic scenes and inspiring parts. For me it was a powerful love story. I felt it deeply.


***Copy given in exchange for an honest review***

Fangirl Moments and My Two Cents

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A beautiful love story. Alexis Hall of Boyfriend Material fame has the art of making you feel the love. I felt it as Alfie and Fen were swept off their feet into the stratosphere!

Speaking of which, I happened to be asking myself lately - what books in the 21C are today's equivalent of Dr Zhivago. For some reason I was thinking of the cinema I was sitting in decades ago watching Julie Christie and Omar Sharif take me into the heart of their great love story.

Despite the fact that I've read plenty of 21C romance novels, I really don't know where to start to answer that question. Thingers, any ideas? I remember not long ago someone posed a similar question ... what is today's equivalent of Lady Chatterley's Lover? This person, a show more millennial, has just been stopped in their tracks by the book, followed by a binge of several movie versions.

Alexis Hall writes about Alfie and Fen with such tenderness, and admiration.

The story maybe let the book down - not particularly meaty, and a little 'been there done that' - but there's enough to satisfy.

Also, at first I thought: Cornell Collins - I'm not going to enjoy his narrating. I was definitely wrong.

Can't close without mentioning the clever title. show less

[3.6] A former bully-to-lover story that I surprisingly enjoyed more than I thought I would. I believe kids can grow up to be very different people as adults, so the "former bully" part allowed me to proceed with my usual reservations at a lower setting.

This book is Alfie's redemption arc: recognizing the damage of his past actions, the tight hold toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia have on him even after coming out of the closet, and the life he truly wants to lead.

"She wouldn’t understand, and he couldn’t explain. How bad it felt to be a shock. To be an idea people had to get used to. To be a moment of hesitation. A flinch when someone touched you. A wariness in their eyes. How much it fucking hurt."

As an adult, Alfie show more has a big heart, but he hasn't made much progress in wholly accepting himself. While I don't condone his past actions, I can understand that he's a victim in his own right.

Now I wouldn't go so far as to say dislike but I couldn't find myself necessarily attached to him either. His attempts at making things right felt too....clumsy and daft for my liking. Like it's great to want to help and all, but if you have no idea how and just wing it, don't be surprised if it makes the situation worse. I'm sure the whole diy plasterwork/shower curtain railing scene was supposed to endear him to me, but instead it had me shaking my head and sighing show less

The Spires is a great series by Alexis Hall that features different gay couples and their struggles while representing different parts of the LGBTQ community. I caught up with books three and four last month and am really hoping that there’ll be a book 5. We are also waiting on a new book for Material World and London’s calling from Hall so I guess I’ll have to keep being patient.

Pansies focuses on bullying, parental rejection, and overcoming. Fen had been long abused by Alfie in his younger years at school. Alfie comes home for a wedding and finds Fen in a bar, forgetting completely about his abuse towards him. He struggles with learning to understand Fen and the damaged he’s caused as he learns how to navigate himself being show more part of the LGBT community and dealing with his parents’ rejection.

★★★★★I would recommend this series. show less