You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded): Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child

This book made me laugh, and gave me the strength to appreciate a particular argumentative child for who she was, without giving her her way all the time. It helps that Ms. Tobias was that sort of child herself, so she's good at explaining what makes the strong will tick. And for Christians, it explains why the will isn't always a bad thing. A light-hearted, practical book for parents in the trenches.

It was too churchy/christiany and self-congratulatory for me, didn't finish. Seemed like some fairly standard and reasonable advice about letting kids be people and letting them set their own goals (but only if they're "strong-willed"? I guess you can go ahead and walk all over all the other kids if you want and that's fine because they don't push back?) but wrapped in very unpleasant wrapper.

“You Can’t Make Me” (But I Can Be Persuaded) by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. Epiphany library section: 8 J: Life Skills, General Parenting. This book tells parents how to deal with strong-willed children (SWCs). This need not be a negative trait – it is great to have a child with firm convictions, high spirits and a sense of adventure. However, parents need creative strategies to deal with SWCs. Strict “military” discipline seems to work least well. Any kid, even a biddable one, will rebel to orders without choices.
The author, once an SWC herself, recommends discipline strategies that offer SWCs choices, options, and requests for input. She coaches readers how to talk so their kids will listen and listen so their kids will talk. show more While still in elementary school, it can be helpful to these kids to make some of their own choices and to live with them for a bit – when the choices are not so important as later on.
A later chapter deals with strong-willed children and God, especially in fundamentalist Christian families that consider obedience to God as a model for children’s obedience to parents. Another later chapter discusses what to do if parents reach the end of their rope in dealing with their SWC.
After reading this book I wondered what the difference is between a strong-willed child and a child with oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD). While this author does not mention this disorder (she’s an educator, not a psychologist or psychiatrist), a quick check on google seemed to say that it’s a matter of degree. While most kids have on and off periods when they seem defiant, kids with ODD have persistent (6 months +) problems with aggression, vindictiveness, temper tantrums, argumentativeness, lack of self-esteem, and academic problems. This level of disruption needs ongoing professional help. Most of all, SWCs – and all children – want parents to love them unconditionally – one of the many challenges of parenthood! show less