I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

In her interview with Hyable, Erika Sanchez gave this as the elevator pitch for "I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter":

"The novel s a coming of age story about Julia Reyes, a Mexican-American girl growing up in Chicago. The book begins with the death of her sister, Olga, who appeared to be the perfect daughter until Julia sets out to discover who she truly was. In the process, Julia begins to understand her family and herself."

That (combined with the beautiful cover - hey - covers matter) was enough to get me to read the book but it turns out that it undersold the experience of reading this novel or rather, having it read to me by the talented Kyla Garcia.

What caught me by surprise was the simple beauty of the prose, the depth of the show more insight into depression and the skilful pacing of Julia's emotional journey.

Julia Reyes speaks directly to camera throughout this novel. The reader becomes her confidante as she describes her life in the immediate aftermath of her sister's death. Much of the success of the novel comes from Julia's distinctive voice and the honesty with which she shares her anger, her frustrations, her wit, her passion for writing and her complex and painful love for her parents and, eventually, herself.

Julia is struggling with the gap between the life she has and the life she wants. She believes that her true self is not only unseen by those who love her but is constantly under threat from the pressures they place on her to be the good Mexican daughter her sister was seen to be. She is depressed and anxious, prone to outbreaks of temper, constantly in conflict with her mother and only truly happy when she writes.

Erika Sanchez's simple, precise, beautiful prose, captures Julia perfectly and helps the reader see her clearly in a way that seems effortless and natural but which requires great skill.

The novel deals with death, love, cultural and personal identity and the impact of trauma and secrets on our ability to be honest with ourselves and others. This is not an easy ride but it is one that is filled with deep compassion, a reluctance to judge and a refusal to simplify or avoid unpleasant things.

While this is a book about a Young Adult, I see it as mainstream literature and not a YA genre piece. This is a remarkable book that will engage the emotions and the minds of readers of all ages. show less

Olga is a good Mexican daughter. She’s 22 and lives at home and is the caretaker of the family. A good Mexican daughter doesn’t leave home for college. This orderly way of life is Olga’s life. But then a horrific accident changes everything. Olga is hit by a bus and is killed instantly. She leaves behind her deeply grieving parents and her younger sister, Julia. Julia is the protagonist of the book, and she is not, by any means, a “Good Mexican Daughter.” Moreover, she is not Olga. She yearns to leave home and attend college and become a writer. She dates boys (in secret), but mostly, she is not her sister and has no intention on filling that role while her family attempts to pick up the pieces that shattered when Olga died. show more However, in a twist of fate, Julia finds Olga’s laptop, and it turns out that Olga was not the perfect girl everyone considered her to be. As she reads her sister’s diary, she is blown away by what her sister wrote. From here, Julia struggles to reconcile her sister’s perfect image with the life she hid from everyone.

This book is about the intertwining branches of one family’s tree. It is about Julia coming to terms with her role in her family, the grief that ensues after Olga’s death, the loss of a sister, and finding one’s identity. Like most young adult books, this is a coming-of-age story. It is a character and culture driven book, and is poignant, incisive and wonderfully complex. show less

The description on the back of the book lead me to believe the story was more of a mystery than it is, but what it truly is is much better than the mystery I expected.

The story follows Julia's, a first-generation Mexican-American, journey through grief and mental health struggles following the unexpected death of her sister. The story provides a clear view of the struggles first-generation children of immigrants often face, both from wider society and within their own cultural community.

I loved Julia's voice throughout the novel. Even when she was being a jerk, she was being true to herself in the best way she knew how. I empathized with her struggles. If Sanchez writes another book in this universe, I would love to see Julia pop up show more in the background so we could see where she's at on achieving her dreams. show less

This is the first YA book I've read in a long time, and now I wish I were in charge of the entire country's high school curriculum so that I could make this required reading. This story touches on so many timely and universal topics while simultaneously being a real page-turner. Everyone can get something out of this book, no matter how old you are.

Julia lives with her parents and, until recently, her older sister Olga in a small, clean-but-roach-infested apartment on the south side of Chicago. Olga is now dead - she stepped in front of a semi while texting - and Julia is the sole focus of her mother's suffocating attention. Julia's Ama cleans houses and her Apa works in a candy factory; they make ends meet, but Julia feels terribly stifled. Her mom keeps her on a chokehold - when she's grounded, she can't even go to the library - and neither of her parents understand her desire to go away to college and become a writer.

To add to the strain, Julia has discovered some un-Olga-like things in Olga's room (thongs, a hotel room key card), and - after hitting dead ends with Olga's best show more friend, employer, and school - eventually is able to crack her e-mail password and find evidence of an affair.

In a downward spiral, Julia attempts suicide, and after some therapy, her parents pack her off to relatives in Mexico, where she learns about what happened to them when they crossed the border, and what they used to be like when they were young and living in Mexico. When Julia returns, she and her mother have a slightly better relationship. She is also accepted to college, and leaves for New York at the end of the book.

I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter covers about two years, a slightly longer time period than many YA novels. Julia's desperation is real: her grief for her sister, her sense of confusion and betrayal when she finds out about her sister's secret life, her frustration at her mother's constant invasion of her privacy, the stress of being broke and constrained. Nevertheless, I didn't recognize this as depression, and neither did Julia, at the time; only after her suicide attempt, in therapy, does she realize that she was depressed. Even more poignant is that her depression seemed situational: given a middle-class, liberal upbringing, Julia would not have had the same struggle. She does succeed, by her own definition, and break free to pursue her dreams, supported by her junior year English teacher and her best friend Lorena.

Quotes

There is no heaven. There is only earth, sky, and the transfer of energy. The idea would almost be beautiful if this weren't such a nightmare. (at Olga's funeral, 5)

...nothing satisfies me, nothing makes me happy. I want too much out of life. I want to take it in my hands and squeeze and twist as much as I can from it. And it's never enough. (19)

I feel a sob traveling up my body and stop it before it gets past my throat. I'm so frustrated, I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes, when I feel like this, I want to break things. I want to hear things shatter. My heart beats so fast and hard that I can hardly breathe, and I wonder if anything will ever get better. Is this really the way my life is going to be? (109)

I've always had trouble being happy, but now it feels impossible.
...I don't understand why everyone just complains about who I am. What am I supposed to do? Say I'm sorry? ...I'm sorry I hate the life I have to live? (117)

Ama always asks so many questions. I feel perpetually interrogated. (122)

I feel as smothered and restless as ever. It's like I'm a wound-up toy with nowhere to move. (134)

One of the things I hate most in life is people telling me to calm down, as if I'm some out-of-control lunatic who isn't entitled to have feelings. (160)

I'm tired of feeling like the rest of the world always gets to decide what I can do...I can't keep going like this anymore. What is the point of living if I can't ever get what I want? This doesn't feel like a life; it feels like a never-ending punishment. (right before suicide attempt, 210)

Sometimes my memory feels like a smeared photograph. (271)

I don't think I can ever tell her that I know. But how do we live with these secrets locked within us? ...How can we do that day after day? (285)

There is so much I want to say, but I can't. There are times the secrets feel like strangling vines. Is it considered lying when you hold something locked up inside you? What if the information would only cause people pain? (314)

"Julia, sometimes in life you don't get to do what you want to do. Sometimes you have to deal with what's given to you, shut up, and keep working. That's it. (Apa, 315) show less

This is a tough one at times emotionally, dealing in grief and depression, things get dark for Julia in the aftermath of her sister’s death. I thought the book handled Julia’s mental health not only realistically but responsibly, showing therapy sessions and giving a strong sense of just what Julia is drowning in without seeming gratuitous about it.

Julia has a trio of romantic interests over the course of the novel, two of the three were mostly sweet, however, neither is really the kind of romance a book gets overly swept up in. Given what she’s going through it’s good to see Julia have some nice moments with two of these boys but this story is definitely less about Julia finding love with someone else than it is about figuring show more out how to love herself.

While there is a slight mystery involving Julia’s sister, for me, the most engaging aspect of the plot had to be Julia’s rocky relationship with her parents, the clash of cultures and generations, their immigration experience, and maybe more than anything how well-paced it was so that however few warm fuzzy feelings there were in this family dynamic, they felt earned and authentic. show less

How lucky are YAs these days, to have writers of humor, craft, and brutal honesty seeking them out as audience. This is a memorable novel for all ages, and maybe even for the ages. It opens with the death of protagonist Julia's perfect older sister Olga. Their parents, Mexican immigrants, find Julia to be disobedient, rebellious, and ungrateful, and decide to punish her by throwing her the Quinceanara they could not afford for Olga. Julia knows nothing about her parents, nor they her. She doesn't know how they came from a tiny Mexican village to Chicago, and they don't know that she yearns to be a writer. In her turbulent senior year of high school, Julia finds out about Olga's secrets, acts out on her depression, falls in love, loses show more her virginity, and returns to Mexico for a life-changing re-acquaintance with to her roots. She's also incredibly funny and mouthy and smart, as is the writing. A big fun read.

Quote: "It would've been funny under different circumstances, like the time we got caught in the rain and her makeup smeared like a gasoline rainbow." show less