Autoboyography

4 Stars

“I can’t tell if this feels good or terrible”

So here's the rub. This book is phenomenal in the writing, in the topical subject matter, in the strong feels and capturing first love in all its heady, unsure, obsessive intoxication. However, when it comes to religious intolerance and the inevitable self denial of one’s sexuality, that secret permeates everything with an insidious anxiety that may put a damper on some people’s overall enjoyment, no matter how big the love and romance is, no matter how amazing the story is.

I know it’s my old age that no longer has the patience for such, and I know that books like these need to be written, as an outlet, as a resource, as an example of hope and acceptance and validation. show more Even if you’re not a CLo fan, this book brings all that and more.

And….referencing the quote above, that’s kinda how I felt about this story. This has fabulous writing and apt angst portraying realistic barriers and issues regarding religious inflexibility in accepting LGBTQ members into their fold - specifically the Mormon faith. This is the main roadblock to Tanner and Sebastian, and though their coming together was so sweet, their conflict absolutely puts a damper on their burgeoning feelings, that Sebastian's faith has zero tolerance for any other interpretation on what love can be between two people if it’s not between a man and a woman.

Teen angst never hurt so good. Well…. you know what I mean. I will say that Tanner is a fabulous protagonist. He blends perfectly the innocence and earnestness of a young man who’s ready to fall wholeheartedly in love for the first time and deserves, like every teenager/young adult out there, to experience such without fear or recrimination. Despite his short 18 years, he grapples with many of the unfair issues that come up with him being attracted to Sebastian and vice versa, with a maturity that is particularly poignant and painful. This burgeoning crush has enough tentative insecurity and tender starts, that it doesn’t need the added burden where one has been taught his nontraditional feelings are wrong. Tanner shouldn’t have to deal with this. Sebastian shouldn’t have to either. Suffice it to say, this also contrasts two opposites of what a loving family does for their children. One is the epitome of total acceptance and nonjudgmental support. The other, predicated acceptance only if the doctrinated path is followed.

So yes, this is the ultimate in YA romance. Exploring and finding one’s identity in all its angsty glory, making grand gestures and grand mistakes. My heart hurt consistently throughout - this wasn’t a joy for me to read, especially with a tentative, albeit hopeful, HFN. However, CLo shows that they can move beyond fabulously smexy dirty to something heartfelt and important, and I certainly applaud that enthusiastically. show less

This book has been on my TBR for a long time, was one of the few hardcovers I bought immediately after getting my first bookshelf but I never really found the right time to read it. But once I started, I just didn’t want to stop. It has made me feel so many emotions in quick succession and I really don’t know where to begin with the review.

Tanner is a half-Jewish bisexual high school senior who is trying to live in a closeted life in the small LDS town of Provo, Utah. He often thinks about his life in Palo Alto, how he was able to be himself without hiding such an important part of his life from his closest friends. Despite these issues, he is truly an honest, thoughtful person with a great sense of humor. I also loved that he is show more absolutely confident about his classes, doesn’t like being called lazy and is always up for a challenge.

The best word to describe Sebastian is “nice”. He is just this epitome of a good, responsible, wholesome boy who is dedicated in his faith of God, his church and believes in a life of service for his community. His struggles with accepting his sexuality, just refusing to identify as gay because that would make it real, reconciling all of it with everything that he has been taught throughout his life, questioning how he would ever survive without the church and his family – all of this was so real and heartbreaking and I just wanted to protect him from all hurt.

The first time their eyes meet, it’s an immediate connection. I agree that it is completely instalove but the writing makes their feelings seem so authentic, that I had no problem believing in them. The start of their friendship, their conversations and little flirtations are so endearing. Seb’s letters to Tann and snippets of Tann’s writing of their love story are so full of warmth and feeling that I was overwhelmed. Tann is so understanding of Seb’s conflict and he tries very hard to know more about Seb’s faith, is mostly angry for his boyfriend but never at him for being so devoted to his church and family that will never accept his true self. Their separation devastated me right alongside them and I kept hoping that they would make it.

Tanner’s parents are possibly some of the best I’ve ever read in YA. They may smother and embarrass him, but they are also loving, concerned for his happiness and completely supportive. Even when they have a problem with Tanner dating Seb, due to mom’s own bad ex-LDS experiences, they talk it out with him, give him all their logical reasoning but also respect Tann’s choice to continue his relationship. The scene where Seb shows up distressed because his family refuses to talk to him just coz he mentioned the possibility of being gay, Tann’s mom just instinctively hugs him tight and he break down – I was so conflicted because I was weeping for him but also happy that there was one adult who didn’t make him feel wrong or worthless.

Auddy is Tanner’s best friend and I liked that they were always there for each other, like a safe space. But I was also slightly disappointed because I was expecting a platonic friendship. I also couldn’t figure out if Tann was blind to Auddy’s feelings or just didn’t want to acknowledge them. I know he was heartbroken after his break up but I just can’t understand why they needed to have sex. It just stumped me and took me out of the story for a while. I’m glad that they manage to discuss it maturely and navigate their way to being best friends again.

I thoroughly enjoyed the writing in this book. The authors do a wonderful job in getting the tone of a smart, humorous high school boy right. The love, the feelings, conflicts and heartbreak are written in a very evocative manner. The Mormon religion is also depicted in a very respectful way through conversations between Sebastian and Tann and I think it was very skilled of the authors to make us feel for Seb and his struggles without making us hate his faith or his parents. I thought that the bisexual rep was very good and there are multiple times where both of them discuss about their identities and how it just is and not how they choose to be. The last couple of chapters were very agonizing but it was also indicative of how deep they felt for each other despite months of separation. I really would have loved an epilogue or a longer reunion scene but when Seb finally showed up in UCLA, I felt every bit of the joy that Tann did. I also just wanted that feeling to last a few more pages.

This book is a must read for anyone who loves YA romances and reading about sweet, amazing and thoughtful characters. show less

A heartbreakingly beautiful book! I had no idea what this book was about before I read it. I knew it was LGBTQ but that’s it. I think it’s very evident that the authors did their homework about being Mormon and possibly being in a same sex relationship while also being Mormon. It was very heavy and emotional for me. I have my own issues with religion being used to persecute people for just wanting to love so it was a lot for me. I really loved it. Sebastian specifically. He loves his family and he loves his god but he also falls in love with a boy. He doesn’t want to have to lose one to have the other. I loved how real and human it all felt. I felt like Sebastian was a real person and I just wanted to reach in and hug him and to show more tell him he is loved no matter what. I found myself wondering what would have happened to him after the ending. I hope he’s ok and that he’s happy. show less

Find this review and others at Carlene Inspired.

Isn't high school difficult enough without owning the identity of being bisexual and non-religious in the town of Provo, Utah? Tanner, while out and proud at home, has agreed with his parents that keeping his identity quiet is for the best, his family's past experiences with identity in a Mormon family weighing heavy in their decision. His best friend, slightly annoyed by his easy success in school, prods him to join the prestigious Seminar, a class the challenges students to write a novel in just 4 months. Tanner takes Autumn on, 4 months seems like too long to write a novel and he wants to prove to her what a joke the class is. It only takes on class though to make Tanner recognize that show more not only is 4 months an eternity, it also can go by in the blink of an eye when one Sebastian Brother, son of a local Bishop, catches his eye and turns his world, and his heart, upside down.

"This is how we reveal ourselves: these tiny flashes of discomfort, the reactions we can't hide."

I do not feel worthy of reviewing this novel, how could the words I have to say about it even come close to the beautiful, moving prose inside the pages of Autoboyography? The truth is, they just won't, and so much that I want to talk about I can't, I refuse to spoil this read for you. Christina Lauren, the author duo, have created a coming-of-age novel that encompasses all of the feelings of high school angst, with the added bonus of identifying as queer and living in a small, predominantly Mormon town. As a part time resident of a similarly small town in Utah, I can say that Autoboyography reads incredibly accurate for the present time and location. We all know the natural feeling of not fitting in, even our most popular friends will tell you they had those same fears and worries, but Tanner's self discovery, while not unique entirely, is incredibly unique in the Mormon town of Provo.

"In reality, I'm thinking that it isn't fair to think of Sebastian as an LDS diehard. I don't know how to explain it, but he seems so much more than that."

I loved Tann and Seb, it was impossible not to. Autoboyography is their journey, separate and together, of self discovery. It is a story of first love, that initial awareness of one another, the butterflies that follow and the risk one takes for that all consuming feeling. It's the story of religion and boundaries and beliefs. Tann initial sees Provo as suffocating, he has non-LDS friends and a handful of LDS friends, he breaks them into these groups himself. His limited understanding of Mormonism changes entirely with his crush on Sebastian, an up and coming author that seems to blush with every look Tann sends his way. Sebastian is LDS, he's set to go on his mission shortly and with his father being a Bishop he has an image to uphold. Where Tann is comfortable in a graphic tee and holey jeans, Sebastian is clean cut and proper, the image of conservative. Their tentative friendship blossoms, taking Tanner on a journey into the "nice" mormon world, with family visits and acts of service. I was incredibly impressed with Christina Lauren taking the difficult topic of Mormonism on, I loved when Tanner questions his family's dislike of the religion and cheered as CL took him on a deep dive into their past practices with those that identify as queer, giving him a voice that is part innocent and part gay rights warrior. Tanner believes Seb when he says he feels right in his feelings for Tann, but the looming threat of sin that Seb will not be allowed to commit cannot be ignored.

"Now there's a guy, with a name and a phone. We've all been so cool about it, but I realize, sitting here at this silent dinner table, that there are layers to their acceptance."

I highlighted more passages in Autoboyography than I have in any YA novel. That's saying a lot, because two of my favorite authors only write YA and I consider their books some of the absolute best out there. Autoboyography just resonated with me, it took me back to high school, it put me into the shoes of another and gave me an experience that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I felt the angst, the worries, the elation, and the absolutely crushing feeling of heartbreak as I read. It carries a powerful message of acceptance, all while showcasing that being considered different can make one feel so small. I was so sad for Tanner and Seb, they have to fight against a conditional love, rather than safely knowing that anything they did would never stop the love of family and friends. Just thinking about it makes me cry, that's how well Christina Lauren tackled the topic of sexuality and acceptance.

"'Why wouldn't you just be with a girl, then?' He asked quietly. 'If you were attracted to them? Wouldn't it be so much easier?'"
*SOBS*

Autoboyography is a complex story about a simple love and the power of acceptance. It's the sort of book you pick up and read, non-stop, until you are finished, captivated by the words and the incredible characters in its pages.

Read on Rivetedlit.com show less

In this cute YA novel, Tanner has been living in Provo, Utah for several years, and isn’t quite comfortable coming out to his friends as bisexual in a conservative LDS environment. During his senior year, he and his best friend Autumn sign up for a writing class where the goal is to produce a novel by the end of the semester. When Tanner gets stuck, Sebastian, the super-cute guy who is serving as a TA for the class steps in to help, and Tanner can’t help all the crushing feelings.

I really liked Tanner’s insecurities and all the little feelings of first love. The dialogue was really well done in this one as well. I liked how this examined various emotional stages of coming out, and also the complexities of doing so and/or living show more in an environment where what you believe in one aspect of your life conflicts with another area. This book had some awesome character arcs and a really great sense of emotional journey.

Please excuse typos/name misspellings. Entered on screen reader. show less

In this YA contemporary romance, Tanner lives in Provo, Utah, not necessarily the easiest place to be bisexual. His father is Jewish, his mother is ex-LDS, and the family moved to Provo from California when Tanner was a teen, so he always feels somewhat like an outsider in town and at school, though he has a loving, supportive family and a best friend named Autumn. During his senior year of high school, Tanner finds himself falling for LDS golden boy Sebastian Brother, who TAs the creative writing seminar Tanner is taking. Eventually he discovers Sebastian reciprocates his feelings, and then thing get reeeally complicated. I loved all the characters here, as well as the format of the book (most of it takes the form of the show more autobiographical novel Tanner is writing in his seminar). The depiction of the complications that arise for Tanner and Sebastian is tender and lovely, and I really appreciated the way Lauren grapples with Sebastian's faith and never lets the story brush off how important it is to him, despite the difficulties it causes him. I thought the book dragged a little around the three/fourths mark, but on the whole this was a wonderful, engaging read. Recommended. show less

Each year I look for a great YA LGBTQ novel to buy for my friend Tom for his birthday. I've done this for the last four years and he's loved all of them. So the pressure is on now to deliver. I had high hopes for Autoboyography. I think the title alone will make Tom smile. After finishing it, I'm a little hesitant because the main relationship was a bit too shallow insta-love, but overall the book definitely has the main thing I'm looking for: all of the feels.

Here are the past books I've gotten him:

Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (so excited for the movie)
The Great American Whatever
Boy Meets Boy
If I Was Your Girl

Should I just get him another David Levithan book? (There are so many good ones to choose from.) Or go with this new one? show more Still debating.

On the one hand, I really liked how this book handles religion and sexuality with sensitivity. On the other, I didn't buy Tanner and Autumn's complicated friendship. It's highly unusual for a teenage girl to be so physically affectionate with a boy who is just a friend (unless he is openly gay). It is also unusual for a teenage boy to be so physically affectionate with a girl who is just his friend -- especially if he knows she *likes* him and he doesn't reciprocate. Very weird territory. I didn't get it, but maybe I'm too old to get kids these days. Still, I truly didn't like that they end up having sex after Tanner is emotionally crushed by Sebastian breaking up with him. It felt unnecessary to the plot. Autumn just wanted to lose her virginity and took advantage. Tanner just wanted to escape his feeling of rejection. It's gross that they both used each other for sex and unbelievable that they got over it so quickly. show less