Brave Face: A Memoir

This book was a remarkable journey. It was one of those books that I left a trail through ... turned down corners at places that contained perfect descriptions, thoughts I know I will want to go back to.

I read parts of this book aloud to my partner, sometimes because it was a funny line, sometimes because I had never read a more perfect description of a feeling, thought .... or that nasty internal voice.

Not only is this book beautifully written, but it is also honest and candid in a way that many memoirs don't quite manage. I wish I had been able to read a book like "Brave" when I was a teenager but I'm thankful that so many young people now have the option. Thank you, Shaun.

And yes, Shaun David Hutchinson, smoking menthol cigarettes show more is EXACTLY like sucking minty hornets through a fire hose. show less

Dang. This was powerful. I think I'm incredibly lucky to have lived in places where being gay is not only accepted, but often celebrated, so this glimpse into a world twenty years ago was a really powerful reminder of how discriminatory we can all be. Shaun's own mind and preconceived notions were absolutely fascinating to read, and my heart ached for him going through all of this. I can't imagine how painful this memoir must have been to write, but I'm glad he did and I hope that this book finds people that it can touch and help heal.

Oh, also, I loved him even more when he said he loved the Cure, but then cracked up when a few pages later he said "My taste in music was, and still is, pretty questionable."

This book was a remarkable journey. It was one of those books that I left a trail through ... turned down corners at places that contained perfect descriptions, thoughts I know I will want to go back to.

I read parts of this book aloud to my partner, sometimes because it was a funny line, sometimes because I had never read a more perfect description of a feeling, thought .... or that nasty internal voice.

Not only is this book beautifully written, but it is also honest and candid in a way that many memoirs don't quite manage. I wish I had been able to read a book like "Brave" when I was a teenager but I'm thankful that so many young people now have the option. Thank you, Shaun.

And yes, Shaun David Hutchinson, smoking menthol cigarettes show more is EXACTLY like sucking minty hornets through a fire hose. show less

This book was a remarkable journey. It was one of those books that I left a trail through ... turned down corners at places that contained perfect descriptions, thoughts I know I will want to go back to.

I read parts of this book aloud to my partner, sometimes because it was a funny line, sometimes because I had never read a more perfect description of a feeling, thought .... or that nasty internal voice.

Not only is this book beautifully written, but it is also honest and candid in a way that many memoirs don't quite manage. I wish I had been able to read a book like "Brave" when I was a teenager but I'm thankful that so many young people now have the option. Thank you, Shaun.

And yes, Shaun David Hutchinson, smoking menthol cigarettes show more is EXACTLY like sucking minty hornets through a fire hose. show less

I remember the first line of the book Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt: “When I look back on my childhood I wonder how I survived at all. It was, of course, a miserable childhood: the happy childhood is hardly worth your while. Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood.”

Shaun Hutchinson’s BRAVEFACE reminds me of McCourt’s words. All teens have angst and feel miserable much of the time. Now add to it that you are a gay male teen in the nineties living in a world of degrading stereotypes and misinformation about “gayness.” It is one thing to be a lonely teen, but that loneliness is compounded when dealing with internal pressures that show more you aren’t quite sure how to deal with…or how others will deal with it.

I am a 50-something, straight, married woman who works with teens and writes novels for a living. While Shaun was trying to make his way through the murky waters of gay adolescence, I was living in LA. As a hard-working actress at the time, the majority of my male friends were gay. I am sure that some gay men fall into the stereotypical categories that movies of the day displayed: overly dramatic and flamboyant, or oversexed pedophiles. But none of my gay friends were any of these things. They were educated well-versed men of varying backgrounds, religions, philosophies, and temperaments. Just like straight people. They wanted love and families and peace and friendship, just like straight people. The plus side for me having gay male friendships (and this is still true today) is that there is no sexual tension. I love having friends who truly like me for me the person, and not just me the woman. (By the way, I have many lesbian friends as well.)

That said, I thought I knew more about gay culture than many. But I was wrong.

Shaun educated me with his personal story. Written in refreshingly honest, darkly humorous, and oftentimes beautiful prose, I learned how truly difficult it was for him to come out, especially in an era when gay bashing was a popular pastime. Shaun introduced me to an internal and emotional world I had never analyzed. Sure, I figured it was hard to come out to parents and friends; thought it was even harder to show feelings toward another man in the same way heterosexuals show their feelings. But I had no idea how much anxiety could be caused by living in a world that 1) may not understand the fears associated with being gay; 2) may not care about their fears; and 3) sometimes exacerbate those fears either intentionally or unintentionally.

My husband had a gay uncle who I will call Bill. His partner, who I will call Jim, was with him for forty years. Bill was an artist and antique dealer and had been left many properties by his gay friends who had passed, and whose families had disowned them. This was apparently a thing in Southern Cali back in the day (and perhaps still is) for gay men to leave their estates to friends. But Bill did something I had never heard of: He legally adopted his partner Jim. Just like you would adopt a child. He did this per the advice of his attorney so that when he died, everything would go to the hands of his partner instantaneously. They were forewarned that family members would come crawling out of the woodwork, these same members who had shunned and often belittled their gay relatives. And that’s exactly what happened. As soon as Bill died, creepy relatives came forward to reap their unearned rewards. Thankfully, the story has a happy ending: the relatives were paid a small sum before slithering back into their holes, and Jim was taken care of until the day he passed.

While it may seem like a digression, I offer this story to prove a point: The gay community is filled with millions of tales like this one, or like Shaun’s. Feeling like the odd-man out. Wanting to be accepted in a world that still barely recognizes gays as real-life human beings and not just cartoon characters some straight people conjure up; trying to get past the stereotypes and bigotry that often come in the form of homophobic rhetoric and behavior; and mostly, just trying to survive in an effed-up world. In other words, if you think it’s hard to be a person today at any age, in any environment, in any situation, imagine how difficult it is for those who are fearful of hurting their parents, angering their neighbors, shocking their friends.

Thanks, Shaun, for opening up the window into the soul of what it is to be a gay man, and what it is to come out. And not just for that: for reminding the reader that we all are the same deep down…we just want to be who we are without being judged by a jury when we have done nothing wrong to begin with.

Readers, give this book to your friends. Let it be a bridge. Allow it to open dialogue with your children. And remember that whether you are gay, straight, or somewhere in between, you are a person. You deserve to be heard, to be understood, and to be loved. After all, we are all in this together show less

teen/adult memoir (depression, attempted suicide, struggling with queer identity and coming out as gay teen/young adult)
I skipped the suicide chapters (thanks for the helpful content warnings, Shaun) but did slowly make my way through the rest of the story. This was a very deliberately written account of the author's experiences with serious depression--as he says, it's not always as simple as 'it gets better' where mental health is concerned.
I do worry about some of the youth I work with and am learning to better recognize some of the signs that they may need help. I think this is a valuable book that I hope will be helpful to many who may be going through some of the same things and I am also glad that Shaun made it through both as a show more person and as a writer of books that I enjoy and find worthwhile. Thank you for writing this. show less

Hutchinson's brutally honest, sometimes painful, and ultimately hopeful memoir will surely help people grappling with self harm, depression, and/or their sexuality. The amazing audiobook is read by the author. It is a necessary and important book which is essential reading for people who work with teens.