My Dark Vanessa

[Trigger warning]
With more and more survivors coming forward with experiences like Vanessa's, this story is an unsettling but important read for those who can stomach the subject matter. The author's unveiled a layer of complexity that allowed this story to make a long lasting impact on the way I think about abusive relationships, sexual consent and protecting children and/or survivors.

What was good:
- The slow and steady progression of Vanessa's relationship with her abuser, Strane, communicated how insidious his grooming efforts were. This man was nothing if not patient. His character struck a perfect balance of condescending (without being blatantly cruel) but affectionate and validating enough to keep kid Vanessa (who is friendless, show more what a coincidence) coming back for more. This was so profound that adult Vanessa's self-image continues to revolve around how this man saw her at 15. The way these exchanges were portrayed showed how easy it is for anyone, teenage or otherwise, to fall into the clutches of one of these people.
- Stane's impact on adult Vanessa's psyche and behaviour. Throughout the story, she excuses his actions by reassuring herself (and others) that what had happened was not was as it seemed and that she had been a willing party. And that she was just one of those teenagers just matured faster. Or that he was the only person to see how extraordinary she was. As nauseating as these thoughts were to read, it made it so much clearer how ruinous and significant Strane's abuse continues to have on adult Vanessa. She would rather sooner continue a lifelong devotion to the man who ruined her life and romanticize their relationship because she couldn't bear to come to terms with the effect he had had on her entire life. When that rationalization became clear, I was devastated. Because of course - accepting a less excruciating truth may be something everyone does to one degree or another. show less

This book is just downright chilling, and left me feeling shaken and very emotional. While it is not an easy novel, it is one I recommend reading, if you can. It is very thought-provoking, and I can see it bringing out some pretty intense discussions for book clubs.

Vanessa’s portrait is utterly heartbreaking. Her view of the situation- again, too common. She put everything on herself, and our society continues to enable that feeling of shame and guilt, and even goes so far as to threaten and warn off anyone who might think of doing otherwise. As others have pointed out, this book shows why recent movements like #MeToo, resonated with so many people and is another reason why I feel it is a worthy five -star book.

I hated everything about this book, the content that is. Never have I ever had a book hit me as emotionally hard as My Dark Vanessa. This book is an intense, disturbing, gut-wrenching read where the narrator, Vanessa Wye tells of her sexual abuse by a vile pedophile, Jacob Strane, starting at the age of 15. By switching back and forth between two timelines of Vanessa’s life, the author gives an in-depth, raw detail of how this predator groomed and consummated the abuse process. It is through Vanessa’s narrative she tells of her devastating after affects as a result of Jacob’s actions.

After reading this, I decided I needed to read it again to see where I truly stand on this book. It is beautifully written, but a dark and show more uncomfortable read that invokes a lot of different emotions, like angry, disgust, empathy and hate (to name a few). Even though it is difficult to read at times, I am not at all disappointed that I read it again. That said, I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone. I can talk about this book all day. But, I would not feel comfortable recommending it because of the triggers; the pedophilia and sexual abuse. You never truly know what someone else’s has been through.

“This, I think, is the cost of telling, even in the guise of fiction. Once you do, it’s the only thing about you anyone will ever care about. It defines you whether you want it to or not.”
― Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Dark Vanessa

“I can’t lose the thing I’ve held onto for so long, you know?” My face twists up from the pain of pushing it out. “I just really need it to be a love story, you know? I really, really need it to be that.”
“I know,” she says.
“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it”? I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide open empathy. “It’s my life,” I say. “This has been my whole life.”
― Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Dark Vanessa show less

A Riveting Exploration of Sexuality and Survival

My first read of 2021, and it sets the bar high. This book is completely out of my normal wheelhouse but I read it as a group read thinking it would be good to stretch my horizons. This is the story of a 15-year-old girl and her relationship with an older (42) teacher at a boarding school. The story is told from two timelines, Vanessa in 2001 and Vanessa in 2017. Kate Elizabeth Russell's voice is one of the purest, most genuine that I have read in a long while. She states in the foreword that the book is fiction, but her prose is so honest and raw, it is easy to imagine that you are reading the diary of an actual survivor -- and yes, I use the word survivor here although the protagonist show more of the story, Vanessa, is extremely conflicted on whether or not she actually is a survivor or just a "bad girl." In my career as a counselor I have worked with many survivors of sexual abuse and Russell captures the intricacies and ambiguities of recovery beautifully. Nothing is straight forward for the one going through it, although it seems it should be. As I said, this is fiction, but even so I think it takes a great deal of courage for an author to explore the places that Russell goes in My Dark Vanessa.
If you follow my reviews you know that I rarely give out 5 stars, but this one deserves nothing less.

5 out of 5 stars show less

The #MeToo movement has led to the fall of many high and mighty men (less high and mighty ones too) and belated justice for many wronged women. More importantly, however, this movement has highlighted that the issue of abuse on women goes deeper than just the immoral and illegal actions of individual men. Often, the abuse could not have been perpetrated without the complicity, the connivance or, at the very least, the lack of concern, of wider society.

The stories which we have seen in the media in the past years have also shown how complex the matter of “consent” can become. We have heard abusers defending themselves by saying that their victims “consented” to or even encouraged their advances. And, at a very superficial level, show more in some cases there could be some truth in this ‘defence’. But what exactly counts as “consent”? Where one of the parties is a minor, or in a vulnerable position, can it ever be present?

My Dark Vanessa, Kate Elizabeth Russell’s debut novel, is unafraid to face these thorny questions head on. Its protagonist and narrator is the “Vanessa” of the title. As a wide-eyed, fifteen-year-old outsider at college, she is flattered by the attention she receives from her English tutor, Jacob Strane, thirty years her senior. This attention, however, soon changes into something far creepier, developing into a sexual liaison which will mark and traumatize Vanessa well into adulthood. As Strane is accused by other ex-students in the wake of #MeToo, Vanessa has to face past horrors head on, and to admit to herself that what she considers the “love affair of her life” is, in reality, a sordid case of manipulation and abuse.

Russell’s novel is intelligent and nuanced. Whilst it is clear throughout that Strane is an abuser and Vanessa his victim, this is neither a black-and-white account nor a one-sided manifesto. And the novel is so much the better for this. It helps, for instance, that Vanessa is not a particularly likeable character and that her negative traits cannot all be blamed on Strane. This in no way lessens the gravity of the abuse she suffers – on the contrary, the novel shows how the weaknesses of a potential victim can be worked upon by an abuser. Russell also points to the factors which have allowed abusive practices to take place unchecked – from a reluctance of the authorities and family members to admit to inconvenient truths in the hope that they will just “go away”, to the subtle glorification of abusive relationships whether in “high” or popular culture (from literature to pop songs). At the same time, Russell hints at some ambivalence about #MeToo as a "movement", in the sense that she emphasizes that the history of each victim is different and there is no exclusively "valid" response to trauma. Trigger warning - some descriptions are explicit and revolting but, then again, the novels subject is not for the squeamish.

Is My Dark Vanessa the great book it is being touted to be? Admittedly, it is neither formally adventurous nor particularly striking in style and language. But it tells a timely and important story and does so effectively, leaving the reader with much food for thought. show less

My Dark Vanessa is a haunting story. Alternating between the two timelines of past and present it tells the story of Vanessa and her English teacher - their sexual/emotional relationship and its affect on Vanessa throughout her life.

I do not know what to say about this book other than it was a HARD read but also SO good. I closed this book having shed tears and with a bit of an ache in my soul because it is easy for me to relate in some ways to Vanessa. Chilling and heartbreaking...managing to be hopeful at the end. I loved this book. It was tough...I found myself compelled to read it and yet I needed to put it down every so often and just...feel...comprehend...take a deep breath.

If you are a sexual abuse survivor this may be triggering show more so it is hard to recommend this book to everyone. If you think you will be okay reading descriptions of abuse and a victim's struggle with their grooming and abuse, then I do recommend this book. Though difficult, it was a good book. An important story and one that highlights the importance of giving victim's the power over their own stories in their own time and not victim blaming. 5 stars. show less

This was a good book...the story kept me intrigued and interested. I think the most important and innovative thing this author accomplished was looking at the adult Vanessa's perspective on what happened to her when she was 15. As a mother of adult children, it's easy for me to say that Vanessa was raped, and was the victim of a predator....and nowhere does the book deny this. But Vanessa says, tellingly, that she needs her relationship with her high school teacher to be a love story, because if it isn't, what does that mean for her self-image and sense of agency? The author probes this theme with depth and sensitivity, without ever excusing the teacher for his behaviour. Well worth reading for these insights...and as a fascinating story.