Nobody Will Tell You This But Me

Loved this.
I figure Bess Kalb must live with a huge whole in her heart, the part her grandmother took with her in death. What a sharp, witty, and insightful woman she was..... Their relationship a treasure.
The book was written in a unique manner, not simply a memoir but in post- death conversations. I promise you will be laughing, and the laughter will mix with tears at the end.

You don't have to be Jewish...any woman with a beloved grandma or mom will cherish this rendering of the author's conversations with her bubbe (grandmother) Bobby. Bess is guided - pushed and pulled, really - into the life Bobby thinks she wants and deserves. It's the overwhelming love that prevents Bess from killing Bobby, who is the ultimate Judgy McJudgface. Their interactions flow like the best comedy routines, even when Bobby is opining from beyond the grave, on the day of her death and beyond. This is a comic memoir to be savored more than once. It actually should be purchased in multiples and shared with those you love most, maybe the very same ones who make you meshuggah (crazy) and verklempt (teary).

Quotes: "Bessie, if you try show more on a dress and you don't immediately want to parade outside the dressing room and show it off to everyone in the store, take it off and forget it ever existed."

"San Francisco is for people who wear polar fleece to restaurants and try to convince each other to go camping."

"You must always blot your lipstick or it'll clump up and settle around the edges and you'll look like an old fortune teller."

"You've reached for me privately when you've been scared. I have no control over any of those things. What am I - a magical ghost? If the plane goes down, don't blame me. That's the last thing I need." show less

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me, Bess Kalb, author and narrator
This is a very fast read. It will take the reader through a range of emotions from laughter to tears. It is a lovely book that pays homage to a grandmother’s relationship with her grandchild. It is Barbara and Bessie’s story. There is an extended family that is not part of the story, but they do exist.
This brief little book reveals the grandmother’s life with all its history, and in so doing, reveals the lives of so many others from Eastern Europe and Russia. It is full of the joy (a great deal shared by Barbara and Bessie) and the pain (but only what was necessary to bring Barbara to life) that each experienced. It is done with such a light touch and such a sweet show more honesty that the sad moments are swallowed up quickly by the humorous interactions that follow. I truly enjoyed the book.
As the granddaughter puts words into the mouth of her grandmother, gleaned from her experiences with her and the tales that she told her, the reader will feel their ups and downs, their raw emotions, at times, and the sheer joy and honesty of their special relationship. The two of them shared a deep bond that joined their hearts together. They truly loved each other, and Barbara expresses her hope to remain in Bessie’s memory, so as to remain in her life for long after she no longer occupies this mortal coil and shuffles off where all must go. She hopes what Bessie has been taught by this special relationship will be passed on to Bessie’s children so their legacy continues. Barbara doesn’t want to fade away from Bessie’s memories, but she openly embraces the life she lived and the need for its end. The conversations between Bessie and her grandmother are heartwarming and charming. As you read this book, keep your mind open to the emotions it arouses. They are genuine. There is a lesson to be learned from its telling.
Bessie puts words in Barbara’s mouth, as Barbara relates her story with little nuggets of information about her life. It is gleaned from Bessie’s memories of her grandmother, from voicemails they shared and from her conversations with others to confirm her thoughts. It is therefore documented and as accurate as possible. It is delightful. It will take the reader through a range of emotions, some uplifting and some that will bring tears to the eyes, but each revelation about Barbara exposes not only their beautiful relationship, but also the truth of the Jewish immigrant’s experience, beginning more than 100 years ago, as they ran from the anti-Semitism and oppression in Europe and Russia to the United States where they flourished and had a better life. Barbara’s life truly fulfilled the American dream.
While many Jewish immigrants made the journey from places like Pinsk, which was in Russia at that time, to places like Brooklyn and the lower East side, and then to places like Palm Beach, in Florida, which is the quintessential American dream, not everyone did as well, but everyone had the chance to do better. As the book takes the reader from Russia, to the United States, I identified with it because the names of the places and the experiences of my life clearly paralleled theirs. It was the path my father took with his family. He came from the same city in Belarus. My mother was the same kind of person as the grandmother, loving but also interjecting advice, sometimes heavy-handed, sometimes subtle, but always well-intentioned, although not so open-minded about some subjects. Then again, because of my age and experiences, I could hear my own voice speaking to my daughter as well.
Perhaps this book is not for everyone. Perhaps you have to be Jewish, but then, maybe not. Perhaps you just have to have had a grandmother and a mother who did their best to encourage you to be the best you could be.
Bessie and Barbara were two “B’s” in a pod. show less

I loved this so much. As someone who also has a strong matriarchal narrative tradition in my family, Bobbie's voice through Bess felt familiar.
Our matriarch died several years ago and while we don't have voicemail recordings I can still hear her Jersey accent in my head, "How yah doin'? You good? You gotta a man yet?"
Bess Kalb's family story is fascinating and fun, even with all the challenging parts and the heartache we know is coming.
I finished it and immediately handed it off to my mother who I knew would recognize the stories and the voice very much like the women in our family.
The ending is especially powerful as we collectively grapple with how much is truth? How much do we really know what someone wanted? How much do we show more really know those we love? High recommend. show less

What a treasure. I giggled on just about every page and broke down and wept on five pages. A sublime yet down-to-earth story "narrated" by the author's late grandmother. Some of it is written from memory and some is drawn from precious never-deleted Grandma voicemails.

Kalb's grandmother, who had Russian Jewish immigrant parents, pulls no punches in giving "her angel" granddaughter "Bessie" her opinions about everything, from men to money to cosmetics.

"Grandma Bobbie" relates her amazing history in Brooklyn and Manhattan, in detail, and she is frank about her personal failings in raising Bess's mother, with whom she became unexpectedly pregnant at 40, and with whom she had nothing in common. In looking into the eyes of newborn Bess, show more Bobbie discovered a kindred spirit, and their bond lasted for the rest of Bobbie's life. No matter what was happening, Kalb could call her grandma and Grandma would make it better. At the Palm Court at the Plaza, if necessary. Grandma certainly had plenty of money with which to dote on her granddaughter (Grandpa was in NYC real estate), but grandmother and granddaughter would sometimes just read books, side by side, or go to the Met.

The book is full of delightful family photographs, which add to the feeling of intimacy and disclosure. I won't be needing an audiobook of this one. I felt that I could hear every word spoken in Grandma's sardonic and affectionate voice.

I recommend this book for Jewish people, people who know Jewish people, immigrants, descendants of immigrants, New Yorkers, people who love NYC, grandparents, parents, smart-mouthed women, and everyone who ever had a loving grandmother or a very frank and outspoken best friend. Oh, and everyone who likes to laugh hysterically or read about unshakeable love.

I received an advanced readers copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. show less

What a gem of a book. Told in emails, voice mails, and memories, this book is a wonderful remembrance of her grandmother Bobby, her mom Robin, and generations past. She was very close to her and her grandmother would drop everything for her. She was closer to her grandmother than most mothers were with their daughters. Robin (Bess' mother) was not very close to Bobby growing up so I can understand why Bobby would want a close relationship with Bess.

One particular time was when Bobby was at her other home in FL and her Robin called and couldn't handle that Bess wouldn't go to school. Bobby actually went to the airport and flew to New York and then stayed outside the classroom the whole day to ensure that Bess was okay. This reminds me of show more when I was in kindergarten when I was scared and I would tell my mom you're going to be outside the door right? As if she would be there.

I was crying at the same time as I was laughing throughout the whole book. show less

I loved this book. This isn't the relationship I had with my grandmothers, but it reminded me of all the things I loved about them and how much I miss having them in my life. I was concerned that the POV from the deceased grandmother would make it harder to connect, but it was the exact opposite. Highly recommended. Only wish I hadn't read the end in a public waiting room, trying and failing to hide my tears.