Olive

This book made me feel so much less alone in the lack of desire I have for kids. This book tackles such a taboo and controversial subject: child-free women. There were so many moments I had to pause my reading just to let the light in on the places in my heart that sometimes feel so ashamed of wanting to be child-free. I am going to recommend this book to LITERALLY everyone.

"Women are made to feel guilty for everything. The food we eat, the bodies we have, the relationships that don't work. We must accept the challenge and refuse to take on this guilt."

I started this as an ebook and wasn't sure I'd like it. Somehow I just couldn't find the right voice for the MC. Then it popped up on Netgalley as an audio book and I quickly downloaded it and started.

The narrator does a fabulous job. Honestly, for me, it saved the story. She has the perfect breezy tone of Olive but also the frustration when needed. She gave voice to the friends and their own struggles but also the apologies and tip-toeing they do at times with each other. This is the story of 4 women and their friendship - how it changes as they become show more adults and hit milestones (or don't) at different times. Female friendships can be tough, especially when society and friends have ideas of who we are and what we should be doing. It was great to read Olive's perspective in a story and I found it refreshing to give voice to people who just want to choose their life and how to live it.

I loved this story and I'm really glad I gave it a try.

An e-ARC was provided to me by the author and publishing via Netgalley. This does not affect my opinion regarding the book. show less

Best for:
People who are childfree by choice, people who have kids but are interested in knowing a bit more about what their childfree friends’ lives are like.

In a nutshell:
Olive is a successful writer in her early 30s (I think) who is going through some major life changes alongside her three friends, all of whom are in various stages of trying to or having children.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I’m in a childfree community and saw people talking about this book, so figured I’d check it out.

Review:
SPOILERS because some of the things that bothered me about this book relate to items revealed near the very end.

In some ways this book reminds me of ‘So Thrilled For You’ in that there are four women and they are all in various show more different stages of life - Bea has three kids, Cecily is about to give birth to her first child, and Isla is going through IVF unsuccessfully. And Olive has just broken up with her boyfriend of nine years because he definitely wants ‘a family’ (ugh, I hate that family somehow only means kids) and she really doesn’t think she wants children.

Look, there are so few positive representations of childfree women in media that I think folks can sometimes be overly generous with the depictions we DO get. And I certainly don’t want to dissuade artists from putting out more content that represents us, but also its so frustrating when the limited media is just not very good.

First off, Olive is successful in her career. Like, kinda weirdly so. Most people aren’t working at that level, and I suppose everyone assumes childfree people focus on their careers but like, we can be mediocre in the workplace too! She’s also really bad at using her words. It’s frustrating, since she’s a successful writer in the book, but she repeatedly refuses to take the opportunity to tell her friends what she needs to say. And it is framed as something always coming up, and Olive making herself smaller for them, but also her friends aren’t mind readers! Like can you imagine not telling your friends your relationship of nine years ended, and sort of blaming it on them being busy with their kids? I mean its possible but it doesn’t ring true to me.

I also hated that Olive walked on so many eggshells with her friends and would ‘admit’ to them being right about things when no, they were just being insensitive. I get the sense the author was trying not to alienate readers with children or who want children, but it felt a bit like trying to ‘both sides’ situations where that just wasn’t necessary. Also, and this is just me maybe, but does everyone get drunk all the time in real life? Like that just has never been my reality. I now have a sober partner, so I drink maybe twice a year, but well before that I wasn’t opening a bottle of wine every night, or getting trashed on a Saturday just for funsies. That’s so unappealing and it seems odd to be such a focus of one’s life. It feels immature, and seemed like a bit of a subtle way to suggest that Olive is immature and that’s why she doesn’t want kids.

I also absolutely loathes the character Iris who led the Childfree By Choice group Olive visits. She was written as a caricature about what a childfree life is all about. Travel! Excitement! Hobbies! And like, sure, but also it’s just a life, and it feels like a weird pressure to put on people without kids that they have to live these extraordinary lives. Again - parents get to be mediocre in all sorts of aspects of their lives. Childfree people should be allowed that grace as well.

The most spoiler-y bit is probably a bit of stretch for some people, but it bugged the shit out of me, and I’m annoyed with the author about it. So we find out near the end that one of the reasons Isla has been so cold towards Olive (despite Olive being the friend who I’d argue is the most supportive of Isla during her fertility struggles) is because ONE TIME, WHILE DRUNK, Olive said she’d be a surrogate for Isla, and Isla was so upset when Olive shared that she was most likely not interested in having children and included in that discussions of her finding giving birth to be not for her. Literally one google search by the author - or even the character Isla - would tell you that someone can’t be a surrogate if they haven’t already had a successful pregnancy. So Olive COULD NOT ever even be a surrogate for Isla, at least not any time in the next probably three or four years, and it would all depend on Olive having a kid first. Like, nothing about that storyline made sense, and it really bugged me.

What I did like about the book was Olive’s genuine quest to learn more about the judgment and the pain childfree people experience. But even though it was ostensibly a focus of the book, I feel like it wasn’t explored nearly enough.

I guess I thought this book was going to be different than it was, which is why the rating is a three instead of a two - that extra star is because I need to manage my own expectations. I just expected and wanted more from this, since it’s like the only book I can find that ostensible was looking at the childfree perspective.

(Side note: maybe remove that Elizabeth Gilbert pull quote from the cover given her latest memoir ...) show less

Olive is a thoughtful woman in her early 30s going through some major life changes. She has shared everything with her three best friends since they were tiny but they are becoming distant since she is walking a different path. In the 30s women must make their decision of whether to have children or not.

One of her. friends has three children, one is pregnant, and one is undergoing expensive and painful procedures to try to conceive. Olive has never wanted children and society gives her the impression that something is wrong with her. Women without children are to be pitied or not trusted. If you don’t want them now you will later. There’s constant pressure to have a real family. To make matters worse, Olive's boyfriend of 10 years show more wants to have children and he’s shocked to find out she seriously is committed to being parentless.

The book explores societal pressures on women to bear children, even pressuring each other. The book explores how life changes affect relationships as we watch the young women struggle with demands of their families, society, and their own needs. It is a thought-provoking book and will elicit a lot of great discussion for book clubs.

I thought it odd though that twice in the book, out of nowhere, she takes shots at vegans. It seemed really out of place. It was a minor diversion though.

She has a casual first person contemporary young voice. Easy to read, like listening to someone telling their own story.

I recommend it for anyone who is pondering the idea of whether to be a parent or not, or wants to understand the dilemma of 30-year-olds trying to decide. show less

Although way older than Olive, I identified with her independence, her anxiety, her friendships, and her feeling of being adrift as her friends after college graduation have new families and babies. She is single and has a rising career in an online beauty magazine. She’s right in her observations that society looks down on career women who are self-centered. Listening to the audio version I was at times confused at the back and forth in time and getting lost in when the chapter was taking place. And do friends really quarrel that much?

4.5 stars - I really enjoyed this book. I see that from other reviews, some people really didn’t like the character of Olive, but I found her very relatable. I thought the story was a realistic look at adult friendships and the trials that can occur as people move into other seasons of life.