Confessions of a Forty-Something F**k Up

Confessions of a Forty-Something F**k Up jumped out at me the first moment I saw it, perhaps because I'm a forty-something myself, but more likely because the story sounded right up my street. It's been a long wait for it due to the publication date being put back, but at last it's here and it was everything I hoped for and more.

Nell Stevens is the forty-something f**k up, or she believes that's what she is. After running a successful business in America with her fiancé, she suddenly finds herself back in the UK, alone and faced with having to move back into her parents' house. I think the worst thing for Nell is that she's the odd one out amongst her friends who are all settled in happy relationships with families, and homes that look show more like they belong in glossy magazines.

Of course, nothing is what it seems. What I loved about this book was how it challenged everything. Do we ever know what goes on behind closed doors? Nell is a brilliant character who is fun and kind. We follow her through a whole year of her life, month by month, as she slowly gets back on her feet. She meets Cricket when she writes the obituary of her husband, Monty, and they become the best of friends. Cricket is in her 80s but has lost none of her zest for life. And then there's Edward, Nell's new landlord. I loved their little battles over the thermostat and the toilet rolls.

I admit I was slightly daunted by the size of this book (500 pages). I needn't have worried as I raced through it. It's the sort of book I didn't want to put down and was thinking about whenever I did. I felt all the emotions reading it. I laughed a lot as there's so much humour in the story. I also sympathised with Nell's situation and raged when she got let down again. I marvelled at her new friendship with Cricket and felt aggrieved on her behalf when she was with her old friends. Finally, I punched the air (not telling you why!).

Nell ends each chapter with a list of the things she's grateful for. Here's my list.

I'm grateful for:
1. Having the chance to read this fantastic book.
2. Alexandra Potter for writing it.
3. The pure joy contained in the pages.
4. Being reminded that nobody is perfect. show less

“Hi and welcome to Confessions of a Forty-Something F##k-Up, the podcast for any woman who wonders how the hell she got here, and why life isn’t quite how she imagined it was going to be.”

After the end of her engagement and the collapse of her business, Penelope ‘Nell’ Stevens has returned home from LA to London, single, broke and feeling like a f##k-up on the wrong side of forty. Her friends seem to have it all - the loving husband, adorable children and beautiful home - while she’s forced to rent a room from a stranger and start over.

I loved Nell, who despite feeling stuck on ‘Planet What The F##k Am I Going To Do With My Life’ is determined to move forward and learn to be grateful for what she has. It’s not easy for show more Nell as she struggles with feeling as if she is a failure, and I think Potter captures her cycles between pessimism and optimism well.

Unexpected inspiration and support for Nell comes from Cricket, an eighty-something year who as a recent widow is in a similar position to Nell. Cricket is a wonderful character, feisty and honest, and even threatens to upstage Nell at times.

The themes of the story focus on relationships between lovers and friends, and family. Of most significance though is the reminder that no one’s life is perfect, and that’s OK. As a forty-something year old myself I can relate to the issues that Potter explores, though I have more in common with Nell’s friends than Nell herself.

Confessions of a Forty-Something could have been cheesy and shallow, but instead I found it to be charming and insightful. Witty, engaging and relevant for any one who feels like life hasn’t quite worked out as planned, I found Confessions of a Forty-Something to be an enjoyable read, and am happy to recommend it.

“For all of us, it seems, life isn’t always easy, and the lesson I’ve learned is that you’re not f##cking up if life hasn’t worked out how you expected. Because real life is messy and complicated. Shit happens. One size doesn’t fit all. Remove the filters and the hashtags and the motivational messages and we’re all just as scared and confused as the next person. We’re all just living our life, and it might not tick all the boxes or look Insta-perfect, but that’s OK.” show less

Confessions of a Forty-Something F##k Up does exactly what it says on the tin. Spending one year in the life of Nell, who returns to England from LA homeless, jobless, childless and husbandless at 40-something, was the perfect antidote to the heavy-duty, hard-hitting and thought-provoking books I’ve been reading recently. Although I didn’t laugh out loud, I did snort and smile a lot. I really liked Cricket, the 80-something widow Nell meets and befriends on her first obituary assignment, and eco-obsessive, Edward, her rent-a-room landlord. Seemingly beyond perfect, interloper Annabel reminded me a lot of the character Amanda from the sitcom Motherland. The Confessions of a Forty-Something F##k Up is a light-hearted, fun and easy show more read although it’s not all ha-ha-ha. Nell’s encounters, thoughts and escapades, podcasts, texts and emails kept the pages turning. Crack open a can of G&T, grab a family-size bag of cheese puffs and embrace wearing a bit of sleeve, a one-piece and well-worn trackies. It's not the end of the world after all, is it? Good on you, Penelope Stevens! show less

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I'm not sure how I feel about this novel. I don't know if I should be offended or jump up and down with glee. I suppose I could say I'm a 65 (soon to be 66) year-old f**k up since I never had kids. But I know I'm not. I have to question why age 40 seemed to be the catalyst since I found my 40's to be the best years of my life---but that is just me.

What I didn't like was the angst. I understand why it was needed; I grasp the fact that it is used to get the point across that Nell felt like a failure because she didn't have what she thought was 'the' perfect life. And for this, I blame the internet! For the first 3/4 of the book, I just felt so totally depressed both for Nell and for myself! If it wasn't for 80-something Cricket show more and Nell's landlord Edward, I might have given up on this book before I finished.

What I did like was Cricket-I adored her. She proves that with age comes wisdom and belief in yourself. You still may f**k up, but it is on your terms now! The ending was a little pat, one that could be seen a mile away, but I applaud the author's trip down this road.

The happy ending wasn't as perfect as some would have liked, but I think it strengthened the book. It would have been too much had Nell's life turned into that false interpretation of what a happy life should be.

This book is a little deep to be a typical beach read, but it is still worth it.

*ARC supplied by the publisher Harper, the author, and NetGalley and Edelweiss. show less

**I received an advanced listener's copy from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**

Reminiscent of the "chick lit" novels popular in the last 1990s and early 2000s, Potter's novel focuses on Nell Stevens, a down-on-her-luck woman of a certain age who has one incredibly rough year. Told through Nell's voice in small chapters highlighting each month, this novel covers humor and sorrow and what it means to pick up the pieces and move on from tragedy and loss.

I was a heavy reader of said "chick lit" novels over twenty years ago, and I immediately picked up on the similarities in style. My reading habits have changed, so while I was not necessarily fully engaged with the novel and the writing style, I could show more appreciate the level of growth Nell has in the novel. Potter does a really good job as Nell navigates tough choices and almost soul-searching explorations of herself, her feelings, and her overall mental health. I found I could relate to bits of Nell's life. You cannot but help cheer on Nell by the end of the novel.

The voice narration was great; I enjoyed listening to this story and probably stayed more engaged in it thanks to this audio version. show less

"The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because shit worked out. They got that way because shit went wrong and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes."

"Are you kidding me? Breathing? There's grateful and the pretty much dead if that's not on my list."

"Don’t worry about getting older, worry about becoming dull."

"When nothing is certain everything is possible."

"Monty always said books weren’t meant to be owned, but to be shared."

"'Word by word, page by page,' Cricket tells her cheerfully, 'that’s how a writer writes and how a reader should read.'"

"'I don't know.' I shake my show more head.
'And that's OK,' she says quietly.
I raise my eyes to meet Cricket's.
I'm eighty-one years old and I've learned if there's one gift you can give yourself in life, it's the freedom and courage to say "I don't know". Because I'll let you into a secret - you don't have to know. You don't have to know how you feel, or what you want, or if you're happy or if you're sad. Life is full of choices and decisions, and there is so much pressure on us to make all the right ones. But what if we don't? What if we have doubts and misgivings? What if we make mistakes and contradict ourselves?'
She looks at me, her eyes shining.
What if we try our best and fail anyway?'
"What if we try our best and fail anyway?"
As her words peg out before me, I think about myself about everything that's happened.
"What then? Should we feel bad about ourselves? Why not just accept that we don't know? Because if you accept that, my dear girl, it will give you such immense freedom. It will allow you to change your mind, to take a different path, to grab opportunities that come your way that you might never have thought of... to be impulsive instead of being stuck, to stop feeling guilty.
Crickes looks at me, her face imploring.
To stop feeling scared."

"Maybe this is what happens when you get to this middle stage of life. You don't just have one job any more; you have lots of different things. Some make money, some don't, but all together they make up a life fulfilled."

"When it comes to money, only think six months ahead: any more and you’ll panic; any less and you’ll buy that dress you’ll never wear."

"Rubber gloves and determination can solve anything.*
*Failing that tequila."

Having read other Alexandra Potter books and because of the title of this book, I expected Confessions of a Forty-Something F**k Up to be a bit more funny than it ended up being. It starts out decently...no job, no guy, no home, no idea of what she is doing. Many of us can relate and plenty of material to create laugh out loud moments. Friends who seem to have it all figured out complete with children, nice homes, and successful lives. Of course, no one really knows what is going on in other people's lives, and it is obvious that at some point Alexandra Potter is going to make this point. But it comes a little too easily and a little too nicely, in my opinion. I did love the friendship between Nell and Cricket. There is something about a younger and older friendship that always lands nicely. I also really enjoyed the month-by-month layout of the book. And I will admit that I was surprised that Nell ends up with Edward. I didn't see that as an option until much later. But all in all, I expected a bit more entertainment from this one. show less

This is a humorous story of a forty-something woman who feels life is more losses than wins. Nothing seems to going right for Nell (Penelope). She has been engaged, but broke up after the business she and her fiancé started had to be closed. She moved back to the UK to find she had nowhere to live. She ends up rooming with a gentleman who only spends weekdays in the flat. She's a writer who has taken a job writing obituaries. She has no children, but she is the godmother to her best friend's (Fiona) daughter. And, she feels inferior to Fiona's other friends who are wealthy. She starts a podcast sharing how pathetic her life has become only to find in the end that it may not be as pathetic as she thought.