The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
by Harriet Lerner
Dance books (2)
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The Dance of Intimacy takes a careful look at relationships where intimacy is most challenged by too much emotional distance, too much intensity, or simply too much pain. In clear, direct and dramatic terms, Dr. Lerner illustrates how we can move differently in these relationships - be they with a distant or unfaithful spouse, a depressed sister, a difficult mother, an alcoholic father, an uncommitted lover, a dying parent, or an estranged family member. And she teaches us about "the show more differences that make a difference" - the changes we can make in one or two significant relationships that will affect our capacity for intimacy and selfhood for a lifetime. The Dance of Intimacy offers no "quick fix" for the human dilemma that we all confront. Instead, Dr. Lerner offers us the most solid, respectful, and helpful insights on intimate relationships that both men and women may ever encounter. Picking up where the best-selling The Dance of Anger left off, Dr. Lerner redefines the meaning of intimacy for today, and shows how good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones healed. show lessTags
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Member Reviews
Harriet Lerner has a truly remarkable ability to analyze our problems with intimacy. She has written a hopeful, respectful, and transforming book that never loses sight of the complexity and richness of women's lives.
The most interesting aspect of this book for me was how relationships in one's first family impact the relationships one has now (marriage, children, friendships, etc). It got me thinking about my childhood experiences and how they impact what I'm willing to risk now.
All relationship involves a given level of anxiety. Often we manage the anxiety either through over-functioning and pursuing or through under-functioning and distancing. Both actions are reactive to the anxiety in the relationship, rather than self-defining, and undermine our attempts to understand who we and the other person actually are. We can't change other people, but we can set boundaries and limits as to how much negative behavior we will tolerate as well as minimums concerning intimacy. Often we create emotional triangles (family systems theory) with third parties in order to avoid facing the anxiety. It is better to have separate relationships with individuals rather than to get caught up in triangles.
Once again, reading books enhances my life and shifts my thinking. The wisdom of Harriet Lerner found in her amazing book [b:The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships|31312|The Dance Of Anger A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships|Harriet Lerner|http://images.gr-assets.com/books/1388261597s/31312.jpg|31603] continues in this title. I've copied many passages into my journal as I gather the understanding and vocabulary to decipher more of the first family issues, relationship triangles, overfunctioning/underfunctioning dynamics I am part of.
I would have given it a 5, but design matters. It's time for an updated edition. When that happens, I'll buy a copy for my library.
I would have given it a 5, but design matters. It's time for an updated edition. When that happens, I'll buy a copy for my library.
A self-help book that I actually like a lot! It fits in with some Bowenian theories and have suggested it to some of my clients, who found it helpful.
Discusses relationship, the roles people take within them, triangles and the importance of maintaining one’s self. Talks about ‘over-functioning and under-functioning people and how their roles effect 1-2-1 relationships and impacts on triangles. You can get lots out of this book to help you deal with relationships whether it be with family, friends or partners.
An amazing book discussing relationships in our lives.
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Author Information
44+ Works 5,430 Members
Well-known psychotherapist Dr. Harriet Learner has helped millions of women with relationship problems. Women around the world have benefited from Lerner's guidance in the bestselling series Dance of Anger, Dance of Intimacy, Dance of Deception. In her monthly column, Good Advice, which appears in New Woman magazine, the author gives practical show more answers to the big and little questions of life. In Life Preservers: Staying Afloat in Love and Life (1996) the reader who has read too many self-help books and is still not perfect is given a clear plan of action to cut through confusion. Other titles by Lerner include Women in Therapy: Devaluation, Anger, Aggression, Depression, Self-Sacrifice, Mothering, Mother Blaming, Self Betrayal, Sex-Role Stereotypes, Dependency, Work and Success, Inhibitions, and The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life. The author has also written a children's book, What's So Terrible About Swallowing an Appleseed , that examines the sister relationship and honesty. In addition, Lerner has created a series of self-help audio cassettes. Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kans. and frequent workshop leader, lecturer, and consultant. She is married and the mother of two sons. (Bowker Author Biography) show less
Some Editions
Series
Common Knowledge
- Canonical title
- The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
- Alternate titles
- Dance of Intimacy
Classifications
- Genres
- Nonfiction, General Nonfiction, Sexuality and Gender Studies
- DDC/MDS
- 155.633 — Philosophy & psychology Psychology Differential and developmental psychology Adults By Sex Women
- LCC
- HQ1206 .L446 — Social sciences The family. Marriage, Women and Sexuality The Family. Marriage. Women Women. Feminism
- BISAC
Statistics
- Members
- 949
- Popularity
- 27,951
- Reviews
- 9
- Rating
- (3.72)
- Languages
- Danish, English, German, Swedish
- Media
- Paper, Audiobook, Ebook
- ISBNs
- 20
- ASINs
- 13
