In My Dreams I Hold a Knife

I generally avoid books that are billed as "psychological thrillers," because I am a delicate flower and my psyche generally can't take that kind of punishment. But, this story of a bunch of college friends who are reuniting 10 years after graduation, with the spectre of a murdered friend hanging over them, seemed like an interesting one, so I decided to take the risk. The main voice is Jessica Miller, a middle-of-the-pack type of girl, who finds herself in with a group of friends in freshman year, despite her anxiety that she would be overlooked, would never fit in. As they move through college, alliances form, relationships gel, and issues arise, and are pushed down and hidden. There isn't a single member of the "East House Seven" who show more isn't hiding some dark secret. The story is mostly Jessica's, as she prepares for the reunion and reminisces on key moments of her time at prestigious Duquette University, but the narrative dips into the stories of her friends here and there, also at key moments. I really can't say much of the plot here without giving away the whole thing, since it is pieced together rather like a Jenga tower -- remove the wrong piece, and the whole thing falls apart (and reveal the keystone, and you get the whole thing in an instant). But Jessica's dreams of a perfect Homecoming definitely do not come true -- although even with some pretty major emotional fallout, and some seriously tragic stuff happening, it feels like most of the tension, the traumas that these friends had been shoving down for years, actually is released, which also releases them all, in some cases, even from each other. There is definitely psychology here, and thrilling elements, but I also recognized the familiar hallmarks of the garden-variety mystery: the individual stories are told so that they weave together into a single event, and then all the secrets are revealed. So, fear not, delicate flowers! There's not much to fear here, after all. show less

This is the purest definition of a 3 star book that could ever 3 star for me. It was a quick read, and I was entertained the whole way through. There were moments of really good writing, and I think Winstead could write a really good dark academia novel one day.

As a whole, it felt very much like the Until Dawn video game. There was so much drama, so many red herrings, and the characters were all rather insufferable. I knew none of the characters were particularly likeable going in, so I was able to overlook that and still have a good time with the novel, like a fly on the wall watching all the drama in the background.

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife has been on my radar for a while, and after finishing The Last Housewife, I wanted to read another Winstead novel. While she’s amazing at writing such tense scenes that make it hard to put the book down, I really disliked this one in comparison to The Last Housewife.

With Shay, there was an understanding of her own role and actions that played a part in what happened in college. As her story unfolded, she became a more sympathetic character. The characters in In My Dreams I Hold a Knife were all so horrible!! I tried to find something redeeming in them, but for the most part, they were all either entitled jackasses or whiny assholes who thought they were owed something. Actually, there was one character I show more liked and that was Heather’s brother (whose name I have forgotten). He was understandably shattered after his sister’s death, and kept digging to find out the truth of what happened. How Heather’s friends treated him about trying to find out the truth was ridiculous. Of course, people shouldn’t let trauma control their lives, but the idea he should just get over his sister’s murder is messed up.

Personally, I don’t understand the point of school reunions. For one, my high school years were horrible and not something I want to think about. While my college years were better, I don’t feel the need to visit for reunions. The people I care about are still in my life and know what I’m up to, and the ones who don’t, I don’t feel the need to perform or have a oneupmanship about our lives. So, Jessica’s whole attitude about going back to her university make no sense to me.

The story itself was a thrilling ride. It was a satisfying reveal of who the killer was and definitely a textbook example of the dangers of toxic masculinity. The second twist at the end of Jessica not acting to raise the alarm once she does see that Heather is still alive was just another reason that I didn’t like her. She is right that there probably wasn’t anything that could’ve saved Heather, but she didn’t know that for certain. I’m all for morally grey characters, but Jessica is too whiny and too much of a pick-me girl to garner any like from me.

I truly didn’t understand this friendship group, as it was all so flimsy and tenuous. After finding out who killed Heather, I didn’t really care what happened to the characters (except Heather’s brother and Jack, the person everyone thought had murdered Heather). It was definitely a great book to listen to while driving for most of the day on the second half of my road trip back home at the time. show less

This book deserves a little more than two stars. It's certainly fast-paced, it certainly accomplishes the suspense the back blurb promises, and I will admit that as obnoxious as the characters are, Jessica and Heather are interesting; the people in this novel are all incredibly disturbed and that has a macabre fascination.

However...The writing falls into cliche for much of the book and, much like the dark academia setting, the literary references feel more like they belong in an episode of Riverdale or Pretty Little Liars than in authentic thriller. Nothing about the book really feels authentic, or particularly thrilling.

I don't want to be the asshole here and say the end was predictable; it was, at least most of it. But a few aspects show more did "shock."

With the exception of Jessica and Heather (and maybe Caro), the characters are very shallow. They also almost never act their age, so the college scenes and "Now" scenes stand pretty close together in terms of their behavior. Thirty-year-olds just don't act the way the East House Seven do at their Homecoming, right?

Finally, the author tried to make the time jumps and perspective changes add to the suspense but they really overcomplicated and painted over what was actually a very simple mystery.

I finished the book pretty fast, probably because I have an upcoming book club on it. It gets 2.25 stars from me because it isn't really terrible enough for 2. show less

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead is a very highly recommended murder mystery. This is an unputdownable, binge-worthy, entertaining, exceptional debut novel.

It has been ten years since Jessica (Jess) Miller graduated from Duquette University. Jessica is planning to attend the reunion and display how she is now successful, beautiful, and confident in life. This will be in contrast to the murky end of college when one of her friends was murdered. They were close friends who ruled the campus and were known as the East House Seven: Heather, Caro, Mint, Jack, Frankie, Coop, and Jess. Heather was murdered at the end of their senior year and Jack was the main suspect, but wasn't charged. The group left under a cloud of suspicion. show more Now five of them are coming back, to the reunion. Jack, still friends with Jess, is not attending. Heather's younger brother, Eric, now works in alumni office and plans to use the reunion as an opportunity to find her killer. He knows it is one of the five people from the East House Seven attending the reunion.

The narrative alternates between the two timelines, one set in the present at the reunion and the other in the past during their college years. The characters are fully realized. Jess is the main narrator of the story at the reunion with flashbacks mostly from her point-of-view until much later in the novel. Jess is a flawed character - self-centered, dislikeable, and driven but with low self-esteem. Her flaws and those that eventually come out about the other characters make the plot even more interesting.

This is an excellent novel! At the beginning of In My Dreams I Hold a Knife, I thought, "oh no, not another college golden days novel," but as I continued reading, I was very pleasantly surprised. The alternating timelines works so well in this novel and Winstead uses the plot device perfectly to provide background information while increasing the tension. And there are revelations, twists, duplicity, secrets, hypocrisy, and surprises abounding. It is a remarkable murder mystery melodrama. Once the plot gets rolling and secrets start coming out it really is impossible to stop reading.

Disclosure: My review copy was courtesy of Sourcebooks.
http://www.shetreadssoftly.com/2021/08/in-my-dreams-i-hold-knife.html
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4158715738 show less

Fast paced and full of rapid twists.

Also insipid and impossible. The seven perfect college friends so long as you don't think too hard about it.

D1 football players don't have friends off the team, and the ones who are nfl prospects have whole entourages around them. Frat presidents, homecoming queens, high school drug dealers, none of them work like this in real life.

But maybe it'll make a slick Netflix miniseries.

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead is a 2021 Sourcebooks Landmark publication.

A prestigious college- a group of very close friends, ‘dubbed the East House Seven’ lose one of their own when a young woman named Heather is murdered in cold blood. The case was never solved, though a cloud of suspicion still hangs over one of the other group members. Now, a decade later, it’s time for the big ten-year class reunion, but only five of the seven will be attending. They are all in for a big shock when they discover that the reunion is also the opportunity someone has been waiting for- a chance to find out who murdered Heather and get justice once and for all...

This is an absorbing read, and a nice combination of psychological show more thriller/mystery-whodunit. The pacing is quick, but still gives the reader plenty of insights into the insecurities of the characters and how those same insecurities still haunt them, as their carefully hidden secrets, are brutally exposed one by one.

The novel has some surprising revelations, and one stunning final admission that I didn’t see coming. The reunion from hell ends up having some positive effects, though, and the story ends on a high note.

The only downside is that I waited too long to read this one. I realize it was only released last year, but it has come to my attention that ‘dark academia’ is a bit of a trend, which explains why I have found myself reading several other books recently with a similar theme. Unfortunately, the premise is already starting to wear thin for me.

That said, this novel is still quite effective, if not as original as I would have hoped. I did enjoy it and thought it was well-written and executed. show less