The First Day of Spring

When a book begins with the sentence "I killed a little boy today," it is natural to anticipate that the murderer is a grizzled monster; however, it is an eight-year-old girl named Chrissie. Chrissie is filled with a rage she can't express that she has an abusive, neglectful mother and an unreliable, often absent father. When she observes children who are loved, the rage bubbles into uncontrollable urges. Her world is so very different than children whose parents care for them, and she can't understand why. Chrissie's thoughts are terrifying, tragic and so very unforgettable.

The narrators are Chrissie, the child, and Julia, the adult Chrissie. At the end, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness for a child with no one who wanted her show more and her desperation to find someone who cared. The monsters in this story are her parents and the punishment Chrissie received should have been theirs. Their failures are unforgiveable. Julia finds love in her daughter, Molly, and remembers every day what it felt like to be Chrissie. Molly will thrive with a mother who understands what love and security mean to a child.

This is a book that I will remember. I am stunned that it evoked so many feelings of heartache and injustice. It is not easy to read, but amid the poignancy and deep sorrow of Chrissie's life, there is hope for Julia and Molly. show less

Unsettling. That’s just one of the words I’d use to describe this novel.

The First Day of Spring is a gut-wrenching tale about the effects of neglect and loneliness on a child. Eight-year-old Chrissie's voice is so raw and authentic that I could not stop turning the pages, desperate to find out what she would do next.

This novel is a riveting thriller in every sense, but Tucker is asking big questions, too. Can society forgive the unforgivable? Does everyone deserve a second chance? She forces us to reconsider the perils of poverty and neglect.

This fictional story reminded me a lot of the true story of Mary Bell. Bell committed her first killing when she was ten years old.

I fucking loved this book!

The First Day of Spring by Nancy Tucker is a 2021 Riverhead Books publication.

This novel is so powerful and disturbing that words can hardly capture its impact.

Chrissie is eight years old when she kills for the first time- and her behavior initially reminded me of little Rhoda Penmark in ‘The Bad Seed’ …. only on steroids. She feels a surge of power and excitement knowing that she alone knows what happened to the boy- and is secretly delighted by the attention, but of course she knows she can’t brag about the crime and must avoid being caught.

But her home life is a different tale altogether. There she is neglected, abused and is literally starving to death.

Now, twenty years later, she is living under a new name, Julia, and show more has a daughter of her own, Molly. She wants to give Molly the childhood she never had, but she is haunted by guilt and paranoia, doubting her skills as a parent and fearing that Molly will be taken away from her- and fearing someone willl expose her dark past.

Then a situation arises that makes Julia believe her worse fears are about to be realized. Instead of allowing Molly to be taken from her, she decides to take her daughter and run…

The novel alternates between Chrissie’s and Julia’s perspectives, creating a contrast between the child and the adult versions of the same character. Tucker does an excellent job of portraying Chrissie’s voice and psychology, showing how she is shaped by her environment and her lack of love. She also explores the themes of nature versus nurture, redemption versus punishment, and motherhood versus childhood. The novel is gripping, unsettling and emotionally wrenching. It makes you question your own moral judgments and sympathies. It also leaves you with a glimmer of hope and peace at the end, which was deeply moving and satisfying.

I can’t believe this was Tucker’s first work of fiction!! She writes a dark- and I do mean DARK story- so disconcerting it becomes almost intolerable, but she handles it with great sensitivity and skill.

This novel is not for the faint of heart, but it is definitely worth reading if you are looking for a compelling and challenging story that will stay with you long after you turn the last page. show less

“I killed a little boy today.”

When your book begins with this sentence, you know you have a dark journey ahead of you. After you have completed your double-take at that unexpected start, you try to get a clearer idea of the diabolical person giving you this first-person insight. The killer murdered the child willingly. Then walked out, very relaxed, in search of her friend, then went to the local park and played with her until the murder was discovered. She calmly joined the crowd and watched the distraught mother sobbing over her dead child.

What the heck is happening, you wonder. And soon the shocking detail is revealed...

The killer is an eight year girl named Chrissie. And in her narrative come tumbling out dark secrets and show more devastating revelations that leave you speechless.

In addition to Chrissie’s voice, the book also comes to us from the pov of Julia. Julia, who is in her late twenties, and mother to five year old Molly. Julia is constantly worried about providing a secure and loving home to her daughter, especially as she is a single mother. She doesn’t want to allow her past issues or lack of familial support to affect Molly’s life. But when she realises that there is someone waiting to take Molly away from her, she feels terrified and compelled to take a drastic action.

Julia is Chrissie, about 15-20 years later, under a new name and with a state-sponsored job for rehabilitated criminals.

When you discover a young child to be a killer, you wonder what kind of sick, twisted, weird book you have picked up. But will you be able to keep it aside? No way! I'm simultaneously horrified and awestruck as the story went on to reveal more and more of Chrissie’s shenanigans. Many of her thoughts and actions seem precocious for a typical eight year old. Then again, she's not a typical eight year old in any sense of the word. Nor is she blessed with the family environment that would help put her on right track. She’s a pathological liar, a thief, and a bully. She is also ignored by her parents, shunned by most of the neighbourhood children, insulted by her teachers, and perennially hungry. You feel torn between wanting to castigate her and feeling sorry for her.

At the same time, you also have to reconcile yourself to the fact that this same child has grown up to be Julia. And you wonder, should a child murderer be allowed to have a child? For how long should a crime be punished? What would you do if your child was murdered and you hear about the killer free and with a child after a few years? Don’t killers deserve a second chance? Do they? Too many questions, no simple answers.

It's very tough to accept that both these voices belong the same person. The dominant emotions in Chrissie's story are anger and aggression while in Julia's story, fear and insecurity reign supreme. It does seem unrealistic at times to see such a turnaround in a character. What makes it even more difficult to digest is that you are seeing both the voices simultaneously and alternately. So the constant change between seeing a dangerous Chrissie and a timid Julia takes time to put your head around.

Nancy Tucker has written a couple of non-fiction memoirs detailing her struggles with mental health issues. This is her first full-length fictional work and she uses her experience and education in experimental psychology to full advantage. She keeps the narrative compelling and the pace pretty fast. Her writing is simply brilliant; I was left zapped by the powerful emotions. And for the same reason, I couldn’t read this book at one stretch because Chrissie drained me out emotionally. After ages have I read a novel that was disturbing and heart-breaking at the same time.

The book isn’t flawless. There should have been a little more information provided about Chrissie’s family life. We know her Mom and Dad don’t want her but we never know why. We know they don’t stay together but there’s no reason revealed. Having some kind of a situational background would have helped us. (Then again, the narrative is from an 8 year old child’s perspective. So if she doesn’t know why her parents don’t stay together, we wouldn’t know either. So I suppose this is more of my wishful thinking than a writing fallacy.) My bigger grouse is with the ending. How I wish it were braver! Then again, debut work. Whatever she did with it was brave enough.

Overall, this is a book where the character stays in your head and messes with it big-time. This is one heck of a fictional debut and I would love to read more by this author. If you want to read a book with a messed-up lead character trying hard to make amends, this is the book for you. But remember, it’s very intense on the emotions and there are many triggering scenes. You will be left breathless and agitated. Caveat emptor!

Thank you, NetGalley and Cornerstone, for the ARC of the book in exchange for an honest review.

***********************
Join me on the Facebook group, Readers Forever!, for more reviews, book-related discussions and fun.
Follow me on Instagram: RoshReviews show less

“I killed a little boy today.”

When your book begins with this sentence, you know you have a dark journey ahead of you. After you have completed your double-take at that unexpected start, you try to get a clearer idea of the diabolical person giving you this first-person insight. The killer murdered the child willingly. Then walked out, very relaxed, in search of her friend, then went to the local park and played with her until the murder was discovered. She calmly joined the crowd and watched the distraught mother sobbing over her dead child.

What the heck is happening, you wonder. And soon the shocking detail is revealed...

The killer is an eight year girl named Chrissie. And in her narrative come tumbling out dark secrets and show more devastating revelations that leave you speechless.

In addition to Chrissie’s voice, the book also comes to us from the pov of Julia. Julia, who is in her late twenties, and mother to five year old Molly. Julia is constantly worried about providing a secure and loving home to her daughter, especially as she is a single mother. She doesn’t want to allow her past issues or lack of familial support to affect Molly’s life. But when she realises that there is someone waiting to take Molly away from her, she feels terrified and compelled to take a drastic action.

Julia is Chrissie, about 15-20 years later, under a new name and with a state-sponsored job for rehabilitated criminals.

When you discover a young child to be a killer, you wonder what kind of sick, twisted, weird book you have picked up. But will you be able to keep it aside? No way! I'm simultaneously horrified and awestruck as the story went on to reveal more and more of Chrissie’s shenanigans. Many of her thoughts and actions seem precocious for a typical eight year old. Then again, she's not a typical eight year old in any sense of the word. Nor is she blessed with the family environment that would help put her on right track. She’s a pathological liar, a thief, and a bully. She is also ignored by her parents, shunned by most of the neighbourhood children, insulted by her teachers, and perennially hungry. You feel torn between wanting to castigate her and feeling sorry for her.

At the same time, you also have to reconcile yourself to the fact that this same child has grown up to be Julia. And you wonder, should a child murderer be allowed to have a child? For how long should a crime be punished? What would you do if your child was murdered and you hear about the killer free and with a child after a few years? Don’t killers deserve a second chance? Do they? Too many questions, no simple answers.

It's very tough to accept that both these voices belong the same person. The dominant emotions in Chrissie's story are anger and aggression while in Julia's story, fear and insecurity reign supreme. It does seem unrealistic at times to see such a turnaround in a character. What makes it even more difficult to digest is that you are seeing both the voices simultaneously and alternately. So the constant change between seeing a dangerous Chrissie and a timid Julia takes time to put your head around.

Nancy Tucker has written a couple of non-fiction memoirs detailing her struggles with mental health issues. This is her first full-length fictional work and she uses her experience and education in experimental psychology to full advantage. She keeps the narrative compelling and the pace pretty fast. Her writing is simply brilliant; I was left zapped by the powerful emotions. And for the same reason, I couldn’t read this book at one stretch because Chrissie drained me out emotionally. After ages have I read a novel that was disturbing and heart-breaking at the same time.

The book isn’t flawless. There should have been a little more information provided about Chrissie’s family life. We know her Mom and Dad don’t want her but we never know why. We know they don’t stay together but there’s no reason revealed. Having some kind of a situational background would have helped us. (Then again, the narrative is from an 8 year old child’s perspective. So if she doesn’t know why her parents don’t stay together, we wouldn’t know either. So I suppose this is more of my wishful thinking than a writing fallacy.) My bigger grouse is with the ending. How I wish it were braver! Then again, debut work. Whatever she did with it was brave enough.

Overall, this is a book where the character stays in your head and messes with it big-time. This is one heck of a fictional debut and I would love to read more by this author. If you want to read a book with a messed-up lead character trying hard to make amends, this is the book for you. But remember, it’s very intense on the emotions and there are many triggering scenes. You will be left breathless and agitated. Caveat emptor!

Thank you, NetGalley and Cornerstone, for the ARC of the book in exchange for an honest review.

***********************
Join me on the Facebook group, Readers Forever!, for more reviews, book-related discussions and fun.
Follow me on Instagram: RoshReviews show less

A dark and disturbing story partly narrated by Chrissie, an eight year old girl, who has murdered a two year old boy and partly narrated by Julia, an older version of Chrissie, who now has a child of her own. I believe it’s loosely based on the Mary Bell case. It’s quite a harrowing tale but beautifully written. It’s also thought provoking as it brings to mind the nature vs nurture scenario. The author has brilliantly imagined and delved into the warped mind of such a tormented child, one who has been neglected and emotionally abused by those who are supposed to be caring for her. I found it an unsettling and heartbreaking read so I’m glad it ended on a note of hope.

An incredible novel, especially that opening sentence, whose subject matter is an an eight year old girl who murders a toddler. The story is told from the points of view of Chrissie, the eight year old, and her adult self, renamed Julia who is also a mother herself. The author just gets into the mindsets of the protagonist, and her writing just sucked me in despite the subject matter. Hard to read at times, but this book is an incredible achievement.