Salmonella Men on Planet Porno: Stories

The title of Tsutsui's collection is apt, as it features stories which are always bizarre and frequently feature sexual deviance.

Of course, normality and sexual propriety are cultural constructs, and Tsutsui delights in tearing these apart to examine them. Amongst this apparently wanton destruction, the reader is forced to recognise that many existing attitudes and habits of modern society are equally ludicrous.

-- What’s it about? --

Sexual desire. Consumerism. Superficial obsession with minor celebrities. The insanity of war and politics. Middle class pursuit of leisure. The power of the media and the propensity of the masses to act like sheep. Defiance.

Tsutsui is renowned in modern Japan for his quirky take on satire, creating show more literature that defies easy categorisation and is never restricted by nebulous concepts like convention or reality.

For instance, in the appropriately titled story, The World is Tilting, an island gradually begins to tilt over until it's occupants are risking serious injury attempting to dismount their own doorstep, yet many inhabitants refuse to leave and the tilt continues until their lives are ridiculous. Similarly, in The Last Smoker, Tsutsui's determined protagonist ignores public health advice until all other smokers have been hounded out of their hobby or literally lynched, then engages in a desperate stand-off with the authorities and the enraged masses.

-- What’s it like? --

Frequently surreal. Often insightful. Blackly humorous.

Stories begin with an odd situation and take further, unpredictable turns before concluding with a dark joke or a criticism of society. From the Dabba Dabba tree that engenders erotic dreams of a sufficiently disturbing nature to demand police involvement, to the commuter army that engages in a decades long war at the behest of negligent, distant and disinterested officials, to the sexually rampant planet that encourages visiting scientists to reverse the theory of evolution, Tsutsui introduces stories that intrigue and amuse in equal measure.

Not all stories are equally appealing. I still can’t fathom the point of a short tale about time travel and I disliked an even shorter biography of Mozart. I believe the tale is a satirical ridiculing of the typically effusive biographies extolling Mozart as a child genius, and I actually did giggle at a few of the ridiculous claims, but somehow the whole piece left me cold.

Just like in Tsutsui's more recent collection, 'Bullseye', many stories have a surprisingly chilling ending, most notably Commuter Army, The Very Edge of Happiness and Hello, Hello, Hello. These were unquestionably my favourite stories from this collection: there's a wonderful, airy, jokey ludicrousness about each of these developing tales, right up until Tsutsui delivers the chilling coup de grace and leaves you breathless.

-- What about the salmonella ladies? --

The constant in all thirteen short stories is Tsutsui’s dark humour and an equally dark misogyny. The men are frequently idiots, led by their genitalia, but they also express opinions and act upon the world; the women are homogenous shrews, who complain that their husbands earn too little and fail to pleasure them frequently enough.

The one woman who takes a leading role in The World is Tilting, would be grotesquely flawed as a human being, had Tsutsui developed her character that far, but is viciously derided as a Feminist in a story that pits Women against Men and Men against the hysterical she-Devil’s that pass for Women. It is true that Tsutsui is interested in ideas and themes, rather than developing characterisation, but the theme of that story seems to be that feminism will destroy the world if left unchecked and kill the feminists who don’t repent and recant, so it really does feel quite odd to read in 2020!

Where women are not actively malevolent or viciously unsupportive of their husbands, they are simply absent. In the title story, a female scientist who has become pregnant as a result of being molested by a plant, is denied a voice as she is “too embarrassed” to attend the meeting of (completely male) experts who are to decide her fate. I found the story itself very entertaining

-- Final thoughts --

Overall, then, I enjoyed most of these short stories for their absurdity and their deliciously morbid humour. I enjoyed recognising and appreciating the cultural commentary, especially in The Very Edge Of Happiness, Commuter Army and Hello, Hello, Hello, but the misogynistic tones may be too much for some modern readers.

Many thanks to Motoko Driver for introducing me to Tsutsui's work and sending me a copy of this book. show less

This is a tough book for me to review, in that I liked most of the stories in the first half of the collection (most of which are from the early 70s) but I really disliked most of the stories in the second half of the collection (most of which are more recent). My favorite story was the rather frightening “The Very Edge of Happiness.”

At their best, these stories offer entertaining and humorous insights into the absurdity and alienation of the modern world. At their worst, I found them boring with a heavy dose of angry misogyny.

Salmonella Men on Planet Porno was one of those books that absolutely had me at the title. This collection is less concerned with the ordinary and instead with the utterly fantastic, as Tsutsui throws idea after idea at you in stories and sees what sticks. Oft-times it does, and there are some gems in here (I loved the story of the ordinary guy who suddenly and unexpectedly finds himself the focus of the tabloid news' absolute attention). Occasionally it misses (there's a very simple time travel story that seems to miss its punchline a bit), but that's OK - there's another one along right after it. The weird ideas are very much the core of Tsutsui's writing and while he handles everything else competently, he gives the sense of a writer show more who is going to go places rather than someone who's yet arrived. Which is no bad thing at all. show less

If you like stories that are slightly off-centre, quirky but coherent, interesting and humourous then you'll like this. This is how the first story begins:

The Dabba Dabba Tree

My father came up from the country carrying a curiously shaped bonsai tree.
“This here’s a Dabba Dabba Tree,” he announced, showing it to me and my wife. “It’s a special kind of cedar, see.”

“My, what an odd-looking thing,” said my wife, examining it with a look of puzzlement.
The tree was about eight inches tall. It was thicker at the base but tapered off towards the top, where the foliage was more sparse. Standing upright, the trunk formed a perfect cone.

“Yes, and what an odd name,” I added, watching my father’s expression. Perhaps it would show more shed some light on his reason for bringing the tree.

“Well, it’s not just the name that’s odd,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “If you put this Dabba Dabba Tree in your bedroom at night, you’ll have fruity dreams till morning comes!”

“Gosh! I wonder what he means,” said my wife.
I whispered in her ear. “Erotic dreams, of course.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, blushing.

My father gave her a lewd look and continued. “You’ve been married five years but still ain’t had kids. That’s why I brought you the tree. Put it in your bedroom tonight – you’re sure to have some cracking dreams. Go on, have it! It’s no good for an old codger like me! Kekekekekeh!” he chuckled like some weird bird, before setting off back to the country

That night, we took the Dabba Dabba Tree into our bedroom and placed it at the foot of our double bed. Yes, we were still using a double bed even after five years of marriage. Well, our bedroom was rather small. There wasn’t enough room for two beds.
“Goodnight, then.”
“Yes, goodnight.”

We dived under the sheets, excitedly turned our backs on each other, and concentrated on getting to sleep. At times like this, you want to be the first to drop off. Otherwise, the sound of your partner’s breathing gets on your nerves and keeps you awake. So much the worse if you know she’s having an erotic dream. And worse still if she starts talking in her sleep. Luckily, I nodded off immediately. And I started dreaming. I dreamt I was in my bedroom, sleeping in my double bed with my wife.
“Yes! A dream!”

I sat up. My wife was slumbering peacefully next to me, completely naked. She can’t sleep any other way. I turned my head in puzzlement.
“Great. What’s erotic about that?!”

If I made love to her after all this time, there wouldn’t be anything erotic about it at all. It would just be dull old reality whether she was naked or not.

“Well, if this is an erotic dream, I’d better do something erotic!”

I got out of bed and put my shirt and trousers on. Then I slipped on some sandals and went outside. To find a woman worthy of sharing my erotic dream, I’d have to go to the nightlife district. I walked along a dark side-road, then turned into a major thoroughfare. The street shone as bright as day, thanks to the bars and restaurants on either side. There were people everywhere.

“Where are all the tasty women then?” I grumbled. I was feeling rather tired after walking two or three blocks. Having an erotic dream clearly demanded a certain amount of perseverance..................... show less

This is a collection of short stories.

A few of the stories are funny and tongue-in-cheek, such as the Dabba Dabba Tree, a story about a conical bonsai tree which, if placed at the foot of the bed, gave the occupants erotic dreams somehow spliced with reality, or Rumors About Me, a story about an unsuspecting salaryman who suddenly becomes the center of media attention, and Salmonella Men on Planet Porno, a story of scientists who try to study a different and seemingly obscene environment of animals, insects and people. Farmer Airlines and The Last Smoker were, I thought, the wittiest stories in the book.

But there are a few satirical stories of the Japanese culture which I found rather disturbing, not so much because they painted the show more Japanese in an unflattering light, but more than the scenarios he chose to portray them in. Bad for the Heart, is a story of a man whose heart medication becomes the central focus of his life, and The Very Edge of Happiness, a story that subtly points to the results of stress on repressed individuals and the need to conform over individuality.

There were a couple of stories I just didn't get.

So on reflection, I think I'll give this 3.2 stars. I think it will appeal to readers who enjoy surrealism, satire and witticism. However, for the amazing imagination of the author, I'm going to give 5 stars. show less

I've often thought that if I placed my left foot forward first instead of my right or sneezed 3 times in a row and held in the 4th or hiccuped and coughed just right, reality would probably shift a little to the side revealing a parallel reality, a reality that would at first appear slightly screwed and skewed but then would feel just like any another humdrum reality. I often think of such silly things. I often get the hiccups.

Tsutsui evidently hiccuped and coughed just right. This book of stories may at first seem absurd but when you stop and think about it, they could be the real thing. Isn't our reality absurd? Some of the stories though totally outlandish seemed familiar. Like any book of short stories some fall flat and some are show more just brilliant. The title story falls in between.

And now as my little fingers peck at this keyboard creating symbols that appear as insults to a tribe of people living in the remote jungles of Borneo I'm thinking I should have released that 4th sneeze. show less

The book that came to me right in the moment. Hello, hello, hello! is wonderful. So is the rest.