Unraveling Carrie Woodhouse

I have read, according to my tags, 40 reworkings of Jane Austen's Emma, which is one of my favourite novels - and this disaster is by far the weirdest, dullest and flat out worst of the many variations on a theme. What type of author thinks to themselves, 'Do you know what a modern retelling of Austen needs? Yarn! Yarn, business plans and community meetings, all described in excruciating detail!' I'm not a fan of 'romance' novels myself, but let's at least try and find a middle ground between sex as a shorthand for love and a business studies textbook.

I don't know why I'm even bothering to describe the plot, apart from the fact that I made myself finish this book to save others from the same fate. Carrie Woodhouse, the Emma character, show more runs the 'flagship yarn store' of her family's business in a small Massachusetts community. She has an MBA and a bullet journal and simply hundreds of 'energizing' ideas about how to promote her shop and other local businesses, whether they ask for her help or not. Zach Knightly - the irritating misspelling of the name should have been an early warning - runs a cafe in the yarn store and he and Carrie are 'friends with benefits'. Also his brother and hers are the Elton John and David Furnish of New England, married with twin boys to tick at least one of the required boxes for updated classic novels. The leader of the local Chamber of Commerce, Brent Elton, takes against Carrie when she refuses to continue the 'yarn bombing' project, and brings in his new fiancée to stir up trouble. Chatterbox Theresa, who works - you guessed right - in the yarn store is delighted when her niece Candice returns to town, round about the time that another absent figure is set to make a reappearance. No points for guessing the gender of Candice's secret lover.

And - that's the whole fresh, modern, exciting retelling of Emma! This cash-in was brought to you by the words 'brainstorming' and 'collaboration'. There are entire business meetings, repeated discussions about marketing, and plenty of emphasis on diversity, community and accessibility but no actual plot or romance. And lots of recipes and snack breaks because Zach runs a cafe, with his chef Humberto (a check for the diversity box). Carrie doesn't even have any 'little faults' like Emma, apart from trying to force a marketing campaign on a failing local confectioners and not making her motives clear when promoting community classes and groups at the yarn store (she wants to help the COMMUNITY, obviously, not just rake in money!)

And if the baffling focus on knitting and other related 'yarn crafts' (can't forget crochet!) isn't bad enough, the writing is also clunky as hell. If this book was knitted, I imagine the author had to use her arms to battle with that mega chunky wool. 'I was more interested in her helping us as a teacher since I knew she was building a crafting business. I knew she was already building a crafting business and needed more experience,' Carrie helpfully repeats herself at one point, and tells Josh, 'I told you about it already, remembering that it had started a fight that was now at the heart of the tension between us.' Clear as mud, thanks! And that's nothing compared to the number of times yarn bombing is explained or mentioned. I now hate those little knitted/crocheted poppy projects that appear for Remembrance Sunday.

Avoid like the plague. I have no idea about the author's other '21st Century Austen' books - ha! - but the Amish take on Emma I once read was livelier and better written than this. show less