The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
by Nikki Sixx
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The co-founder of the rock band Mötley Crüe presents a candid account of his own descent into the hell of drug addiction, describing the impact of heroin on his life and the band.Tags
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This was an incredibly, surprisingly, astoundingly good book.
The Heroin Diaries has not only introduced me to the actuality of Nikki Sixx, of whom I had been completely unaware of prior to the existence of this book (I was never a Mötley Crüe fan), it’s also started a new and deep interest in 80s metal bands and has entirely broadened my concept of depression. It’s, it’s, it’s…. I must own this book.
I had found out about it through the radio, actually. Sixx put out a soundtrack companion album to the book shortly before the book was published, and the first single started getting some play time. I really liked the song, and I only had to catch it a couple of times before making the effort to google it and see if I liked the show more other songs on the CD. I found that Sixx had written a book. This was even better. (The CD was very good, too. I also must own this CD.)
The Heroin Diaries encapsulates a single year in Sixx’s life, specifically the year he reached rock bottom with his heroin use, as taken from his apparently extensive diary collection. It runs from entries dated Christmas Day, 1986, through Christmas Day, 1987; and covers events on touring, near death experiences, family and relationship drama, and several efforts to get clean; and also his interests in music and books. It basically amounts to a retrospective of what Sixx considers his most pivotal year.
I was entirely unprepared to see the amount of effort that went into creating this memoir. Not only do Sixx's diaries appear in print, but also corresponding perspectives from Sixx's friends and family. Sixx (or more likely, Gittins) took the effort to contact people he knew during that time period, show them the diaries, and ask if they would write their memories of the events on paper. The book was also packed with artwork and graphic designs on nearly every page, from photographs from that year, to sketches and artwork, to contrasting font colors and backgrounds.
This was, however, a very intense read; many times I had to stop reading after only a few entries and let the book rest for an hour or a night before starting it up again. My normal reading experience with just about any genre of literature is that I tend to devour a book in one sitting, or at least within a matter of hours. This one took me days. Halfway through it, I got the itch to start writing notes on the margins, which I couldn’t possibly do because the copy I was reading was a library book, and I probably wouldn’t anyway, for fear of obscuring the graphics. I made due with sticky notes flagging the particular pages that caught my eye. I had to go back to the beginning and speed read the first half again to make sure I found all of those particular pages. By the time I had finished, the right edging of the book was solid yellow. I must own this book.
I would highly recommend The Heroin Diaries to just about anyone for any reason. If you have even a passing interest in music, creativity, drug use, or depression, this is a book you should look in to.
I have no idea if Sixx is planning on publishing any other volumes of his diaries (I would certainly read them), but he has made some entries of his current volume available for public view. You can visit his online diary at his official webpage: http://www.nikkisixx.net/ show less
The Heroin Diaries has not only introduced me to the actuality of Nikki Sixx, of whom I had been completely unaware of prior to the existence of this book (I was never a Mötley Crüe fan), it’s also started a new and deep interest in 80s metal bands and has entirely broadened my concept of depression. It’s, it’s, it’s…. I must own this book.
I had found out about it through the radio, actually. Sixx put out a soundtrack companion album to the book shortly before the book was published, and the first single started getting some play time. I really liked the song, and I only had to catch it a couple of times before making the effort to google it and see if I liked the show more other songs on the CD. I found that Sixx had written a book. This was even better. (The CD was very good, too. I also must own this CD.)
The Heroin Diaries encapsulates a single year in Sixx’s life, specifically the year he reached rock bottom with his heroin use, as taken from his apparently extensive diary collection. It runs from entries dated Christmas Day, 1986, through Christmas Day, 1987; and covers events on touring, near death experiences, family and relationship drama, and several efforts to get clean; and also his interests in music and books. It basically amounts to a retrospective of what Sixx considers his most pivotal year.
I was entirely unprepared to see the amount of effort that went into creating this memoir. Not only do Sixx's diaries appear in print, but also corresponding perspectives from Sixx's friends and family. Sixx (or more likely, Gittins) took the effort to contact people he knew during that time period, show them the diaries, and ask if they would write their memories of the events on paper. The book was also packed with artwork and graphic designs on nearly every page, from photographs from that year, to sketches and artwork, to contrasting font colors and backgrounds.
This was, however, a very intense read; many times I had to stop reading after only a few entries and let the book rest for an hour or a night before starting it up again. My normal reading experience with just about any genre of literature is that I tend to devour a book in one sitting, or at least within a matter of hours. This one took me days. Halfway through it, I got the itch to start writing notes on the margins, which I couldn’t possibly do because the copy I was reading was a library book, and I probably wouldn’t anyway, for fear of obscuring the graphics. I made due with sticky notes flagging the particular pages that caught my eye. I had to go back to the beginning and speed read the first half again to make sure I found all of those particular pages. By the time I had finished, the right edging of the book was solid yellow. I must own this book.
I would highly recommend The Heroin Diaries to just about anyone for any reason. If you have even a passing interest in music, creativity, drug use, or depression, this is a book you should look in to.
I have no idea if Sixx is planning on publishing any other volumes of his diaries (I would certainly read them), but he has made some entries of his current volume available for public view. You can visit his online diary at his official webpage: http://www.nikkisixx.net/ show less
The Heroin Diaries ♦ Nikki Sixx | Rezension
Eigentlich müsste Nikki Sixx tot sein! Und das schon seit vielen Jahren. Mit seiner Autobiographie The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star erzählt er eindringlich, mit unsagbar viel Gefühl und einer Prise Humor, wie er dem Tod von der Schippe springen konnte. Ich habe dieses Buch in drei verschiedenen Ausführungen gelesen: der erste Auflage, einer Auflage 10 Jahre später (Ten Year Anniversary) und von Nikki Sixx selbst gelesen als AudioBook.
The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
Du denkst, der Lebensstil eines großen Rock’n’Roll-Stars auf dem Höhepunkt seines Ruhms ist nichts anderes als luxuriöse Dekadenz und lustige Zeiten, show more oder? Nun, das ist es und das ist es nicht. Denn wenn du dich nie mit deinen Schmerzen der Kindheit befasst hast, scheint der Kampf mit Depressionen und einer erdrückenden Einsamkeit und dem Leben auf der Straße endlos und leer zu sein, und du behandelst dich selbst mit Sex und Drogen. Jedenfalls war dies so für Nikki Sixx und die Dinge sind schnell aus dem Ruder gelaufen und wurden zu seinem schlimmsten Albtraum.
Nikki Sixx, Bassist und Hauptsongwriter bei Mötley Crüe, hatte es in den 80ern geschafft.
Er hatte alles. Ruhm, Geld, Alkohol, Drogen, Mädchen und nebenbei entwickelte er eine Sucht, die sein Leben mehrfach fast beendete und ihn zu einem wütenden, paranoiden und gefährlichen Kerl machte.
Ob ich es ihm abkaufe, dass er während dieser Zeit, 1987, ein Tagebuch führte? Ich weiß es nicht, aber ich habe diese Tatsache einfach hinten angestellt. Denn seine Geschichte ist so schwer zu lesen. Es hat mir schier das Herz gebrochen, wie er seine Selbstzerstörung, seine Depression, sein Ego und seine schlechte Einstellung im Allgemeinen beschreibt. Auch die schrecklichen, rücksichtslosen Dinge, die er getan hat, wenn er unter Drogen stand (sofern er sich erinnern kann!) lassen ihn oft wie das größte Arschloch der Welt erscheinen. Und doch geht es in The Heroin Diaries um einen Menschen, der verzweifelt um sein Leben kämpft und dies trotz aller Widrigkeiten.
Ich wusste bereits, bevor ich das Buch gelesen habe, dass Nikki Sixx in den 80en schwer drogensüchtig war, was daran liegt, dass ich schon seit vielen Jahren ein Fan der Band Mötley Crüe bin. Umso schmerzhafter war es das Buch zu lesen, denn es ist so brutal ehrlich, dass ich das Gefühl hatte emotional alles mitzuerleben. Ich stürzte mit ihm ab, umklammerte unter Paranoia mit ihm das Schrotgewehr und fühlte seine Einsamkeit ganz tief in mir. Eine Einsamkeit, deren Kälte nicht zu erklären ist, aber sie zerfrisst dich von Innen heraus.
Nach jedem Tagebucheintrag gibt es Kommentare von seinem aktuellen Ich und anderen ‚Weggefährten der damaligen Zeit. Auch finden sich Auszüge aus (teils unveröffentlichten) Songtexten und Poesie zwischen den Einträgen. Diese Ergänzungen seiner Freunde und Bekannten, sowie seine Texte erweitern das Gesamtbild und sind oft furchtbar schmeichelhaft.
Ich muss sagen, es war mutig von ihm, dieses Buch zu veröffentlichen und sich Jahre später öffentlich mit seiner Drogensucht auseinanderzusetzen und heute, nach 40 Jahren im Musikbusiness hat er seine wahre Bestimmung darin gefunden, den Drogen den Kampf anzusagen.
Zitate aus „The Heroin Diaries“
Eigentlich müsste Nikki Sixx tot sein! Und das schon seit vielen Jahren. Mit seiner Autobiographie The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star erzählt er eindringlich, mit unsagbar viel Gefühl und einer Prise Humor, wie er dem Tod von der Schippe springen konnte. Ich habe dieses Buch in drei verschiedenen Ausführungen gelesen: der erste Auflage, einer Auflage 10 Jahre später (Ten Year Anniversary) und von Nikki Sixx selbst gelesen als AudioBook.
The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
Du denkst, der Lebensstil eines großen Rock’n’Roll-Stars auf dem Höhepunkt seines Ruhms ist nichts anderes als luxuriöse Dekadenz und lustige Zeiten, show more oder? Nun, das ist es und das ist es nicht. Denn wenn du dich nie mit deinen Schmerzen der Kindheit befasst hast, scheint der Kampf mit Depressionen und einer erdrückenden Einsamkeit und dem Leben auf der Straße endlos und leer zu sein, und du behandelst dich selbst mit Sex und Drogen. Jedenfalls war dies so für Nikki Sixx und die Dinge sind schnell aus dem Ruder gelaufen und wurden zu seinem schlimmsten Albtraum.
[…] why I was angry and confused for all those years. I lived my life being told different stories: some true, some lies, and I still don’t know which is which. Children are born innocent. At birth, we are very much like a new hard drive – no viruses, no bad information, no crap that’s been downloaded into it yet. It’s what we feed into that hard drive, or in my case „head drive“ that starts the corruption of the files.
- Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
Nikki Sixx, Bassist und Hauptsongwriter bei Mötley Crüe, hatte es in den 80ern geschafft.
Er hatte alles. Ruhm, Geld, Alkohol, Drogen, Mädchen und nebenbei entwickelte er eine Sucht, die sein Leben mehrfach fast beendete und ihn zu einem wütenden, paranoiden und gefährlichen Kerl machte.
Ob ich es ihm abkaufe, dass er während dieser Zeit, 1987, ein Tagebuch führte? Ich weiß es nicht, aber ich habe diese Tatsache einfach hinten angestellt. Denn seine Geschichte ist so schwer zu lesen. Es hat mir schier das Herz gebrochen, wie er seine Selbstzerstörung, seine Depression, sein Ego und seine schlechte Einstellung im Allgemeinen beschreibt. Auch die schrecklichen, rücksichtslosen Dinge, die er getan hat, wenn er unter Drogen stand (sofern er sich erinnern kann!) lassen ihn oft wie das größte Arschloch der Welt erscheinen. Und doch geht es in The Heroin Diaries um einen Menschen, der verzweifelt um sein Leben kämpft und dies trotz aller Widrigkeiten.
Ich wusste bereits, bevor ich das Buch gelesen habe, dass Nikki Sixx in den 80en schwer drogensüchtig war, was daran liegt, dass ich schon seit vielen Jahren ein Fan der Band Mötley Crüe bin. Umso schmerzhafter war es das Buch zu lesen, denn es ist so brutal ehrlich, dass ich das Gefühl hatte emotional alles mitzuerleben. Ich stürzte mit ihm ab, umklammerte unter Paranoia mit ihm das Schrotgewehr und fühlte seine Einsamkeit ganz tief in mir. Eine Einsamkeit, deren Kälte nicht zu erklären ist, aber sie zerfrisst dich von Innen heraus.
When you die, every single muscle in your body hurts. Your body has closed down because it thinks it’s done, and when it gets rebooted, every inch of you hurts. Plus I’d had the shit beaten out of me with a baseball bat.
- Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
Nach jedem Tagebucheintrag gibt es Kommentare von seinem aktuellen Ich und anderen ‚Weggefährten der damaligen Zeit. Auch finden sich Auszüge aus (teils unveröffentlichten) Songtexten und Poesie zwischen den Einträgen. Diese Ergänzungen seiner Freunde und Bekannten, sowie seine Texte erweitern das Gesamtbild und sind oft furchtbar schmeichelhaft.
Ich muss sagen, es war mutig von ihm, dieses Buch zu veröffentlichen und sich Jahre später öffentlich mit seiner Drogensucht auseinanderzusetzen und heute, nach 40 Jahren im Musikbusiness hat er seine wahre Bestimmung darin gefunden, den Drogen den Kampf anzusagen.
Zitate aus „The Heroin Diaries“
The dying could be easy…it was the living that I didn’t know if I could do…
- Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
When You’ve lost it all….that’s when you realize that Life is Beautiful.”
- Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
[…] only way to be truly alive is to confront your mortality…show less
- Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries – A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star
Fazit
Es bedarf einer gehörigen Portion Mut sich mit einem Tagebuch aus der schlimmsten Zeit des eigenen Lebens an die Öffentlichkeit zu wagen. Dies ist ein einmaliger, trauriger, erschreckender, faszinierender und abgründiger Einblick in das Leben einen Rock Stars der 80er Jahre.
Wenn du dich auch nur ansatzweise für die sexuellen Handlungen und Heldentaten des Straßenlebens und den verheerend langsamen Weg eines Mannes zur Genesung aus der Drogensucht interessierst, dann wirst du um dieses Buch nicht herumkommen.
©theartofreading.de
It was a brave decision for Nikki Sixx to delve into his past and bring The Heroin Diaries out into the light for all to scrutinize. The book is an interesting mix of memoir and hindsight analysis. Nikki has taken his diary, that was kept beginning on Christmas day in 1986 through the Christmas of 1987, and released it, warts and all, for public consumption in the hopes of helping a few people out. It documents a dark time in his life where he battled the dragon while chasing it every once in a while.
Throughout the diary, you get a peek into the thoughts of a junkie. Of course, we're never sure how honest the thoughts are, as he is obviously lying even to himself and the diary at some points. Nikki also enlisted the help of friends, show more family, and business associates who added their own version of some of the events and their insights, as well. He also engages in the exercise of relating what he did to how he feels today and how his actions have affected him and others.
This is a fabulous addendum to Motley Crue's biography, The Dirt, as it takes a piece of time and expands it in a very personal way. It illustrates how someone can be king of his domain yet still be completely out of control and out of touch, creating his own reality of addiction and paranoia.
Proceeds from the book go to Nikki's favorite charity, Running Wild in the Night, which helps homeless teens on the streets of Hollywood, making it well worth the purchase price. show less
Throughout the diary, you get a peek into the thoughts of a junkie. Of course, we're never sure how honest the thoughts are, as he is obviously lying even to himself and the diary at some points. Nikki also enlisted the help of friends, show more family, and business associates who added their own version of some of the events and their insights, as well. He also engages in the exercise of relating what he did to how he feels today and how his actions have affected him and others.
This is a fabulous addendum to Motley Crue's biography, The Dirt, as it takes a piece of time and expands it in a very personal way. It illustrates how someone can be king of his domain yet still be completely out of control and out of touch, creating his own reality of addiction and paranoia.
Proceeds from the book go to Nikki's favorite charity, Running Wild in the Night, which helps homeless teens on the streets of Hollywood, making it well worth the purchase price. show less
This is a classic rock tome - an accompaniment to the Motley Crue autobiography 'The Dirt'. It comprises the diary entries of a year in the life of Nikki Sixx, chronicling his descent into the throes of drug addiction whilst The Crue follow a brutal tour schedule supporting 'Girls, Girls, Girls'.
The diary entries are a brutal portrayal of the wreck Nikki Sixx was during this time. What stands out amidst the carnage of a serious substance abuse issue is the loneliness of someone who, to all intents and purposes, appears to be at the height of his fame and popularity - what wasn't apparent to the coterie that surrounded him at this time was that he was spiralling towards a personal nadir, in contrast with the public high. For the honesty show more with which they describe Sixx's state of mind at the time, the diary alone is interesting, but for me, what really makes this book is the peronal retrospectives appended to each entry by many of the protagonists. It's this present day perspective that lends depth to the exercise and makes it more than just a depressing catalogue of drug-fuelled excesses.
Perhaps the most interesting part of the book, when taken in the context of what has gone before, is the final chapter where Nikki Sixx brings his 'life since then' up-to-date. It is through this that the reader gets a window onto the man that he has become, more comprehensible for the view we've had of the man he was.
Got to worry when you begin to think that Tommy Lee was the most sorted one of the lot! show less
The diary entries are a brutal portrayal of the wreck Nikki Sixx was during this time. What stands out amidst the carnage of a serious substance abuse issue is the loneliness of someone who, to all intents and purposes, appears to be at the height of his fame and popularity - what wasn't apparent to the coterie that surrounded him at this time was that he was spiralling towards a personal nadir, in contrast with the public high. For the honesty show more with which they describe Sixx's state of mind at the time, the diary alone is interesting, but for me, what really makes this book is the peronal retrospectives appended to each entry by many of the protagonists. It's this present day perspective that lends depth to the exercise and makes it more than just a depressing catalogue of drug-fuelled excesses.
Perhaps the most interesting part of the book, when taken in the context of what has gone before, is the final chapter where Nikki Sixx brings his 'life since then' up-to-date. It is through this that the reader gets a window onto the man that he has become, more comprehensible for the view we've had of the man he was.
Got to worry when you begin to think that Tommy Lee was the most sorted one of the lot! show less
In one of the most unique memoirs of addiction ever published, Mötley Crüe's Nikki Sixx shares mesmerizing diary entries from the year he spiraled out of control in a haze of heroin and cocaine, presented alongside riveting commentary from people who were there at the time, and from Nikki himself.
When Mötley Crüe was at the height of its fame, there wasn't any drug Nikki Sixx wouldn't do. He spent days -- sometimes alone, sometimes with other addicts, friends, and lovers -- in a coke and heroin-fueled daze. The highs were high, and Nikki's journal entries reveal some euphoria and joy. But the lows were lower, often ending with Nikki in his closet, surrounded by drug paraphernalia and wrapped in paranoid delusions.
Here, Nikki shares show more those diary entries -- some poetic, some scatterbrained, some bizarre -- and reflects on that time. Joining him are Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, Slash, Rick Nielsen, Bob Rock, and a host of ex-managers, ex-lovers, and more. show less
When Mötley Crüe was at the height of its fame, there wasn't any drug Nikki Sixx wouldn't do. He spent days -- sometimes alone, sometimes with other addicts, friends, and lovers -- in a coke and heroin-fueled daze. The highs were high, and Nikki's journal entries reveal some euphoria and joy. But the lows were lower, often ending with Nikki in his closet, surrounded by drug paraphernalia and wrapped in paranoid delusions.
Here, Nikki shares show more those diary entries -- some poetic, some scatterbrained, some bizarre -- and reflects on that time. Joining him are Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, Slash, Rick Nielsen, Bob Rock, and a host of ex-managers, ex-lovers, and more. show less
Reading this book is about as close as you can come to a drug addiction without actually having walked that path. The book itself is addicting and very, very dark. Nikki Sixx and Motley Crue are some of the most notorious rockers of all time and they paid the price dearly. At the height of their fame in the mid-late eighties, Nikki Sixx was suffering from a debilitating addiction to cocaine and heroin, complete with paranoia and hallucinations. It occurred to him at the time, to keep a diary of his battles with his addiction. This book offers a uniquely honest look into the mind of an addict to a degree that can never be accomplished in a retrospective memoir. What Nikki has been through is shocking and it is even more shocking that's show more he's come out the other side and is still rocking. show less
This book is an actual diary of Nikki Sixx, the songwriter and band member of Motley Crue. The diary entries are for a single year in his life, a year where he basically was addicted to heroin and abusing cocaine and alcohol.
What I found to be quite interesting about this book is the format. The diary entries are interspersed with commentary from people who knew Sixx at the time - his mother, his bandmates, his manager, friends, etc. It also uses Sixx's lyrics to accentuate the messaging, and it is interesting to see how his lyrics mirror his life.
When taken holistically, the diary paints a picture of what can happen when a child who feels abandoned meets up with drugs and fame. Even without the drugs, Sixx would be an interesting show more character, but this books really feels honest and downright scary.
It's quite amazing that Motley Crue was successful given the absolutely disgusting and abhorrent behavior that went on (and I'm not that easily disgusted).
These diaries are very, very raw - - so you will not enjoy this book if you are squeamish. It's also punctuated with a lot of artwork and photos which I think Sixx actually did/pulled together, but which were extremely difficult to see on my Kindle. Not a great book for the Kindle actually - - I'm thinking that if you are a Kindle owner, it would be better to get this one in some other format.
All in all, I found these diaries pretty gripping, and I will say that they left enough unanswered questions for me that I have this strong desire to buy another book or two about the Crue (which I never listened to) and the band mates. Morbid curiosity on my part I guess!! show less
What I found to be quite interesting about this book is the format. The diary entries are interspersed with commentary from people who knew Sixx at the time - his mother, his bandmates, his manager, friends, etc. It also uses Sixx's lyrics to accentuate the messaging, and it is interesting to see how his lyrics mirror his life.
When taken holistically, the diary paints a picture of what can happen when a child who feels abandoned meets up with drugs and fame. Even without the drugs, Sixx would be an interesting show more character, but this books really feels honest and downright scary.
It's quite amazing that Motley Crue was successful given the absolutely disgusting and abhorrent behavior that went on (and I'm not that easily disgusted).
These diaries are very, very raw - - so you will not enjoy this book if you are squeamish. It's also punctuated with a lot of artwork and photos which I think Sixx actually did/pulled together, but which were extremely difficult to see on my Kindle. Not a great book for the Kindle actually - - I'm thinking that if you are a Kindle owner, it would be better to get this one in some other format.
All in all, I found these diaries pretty gripping, and I will say that they left enough unanswered questions for me that I have this strong desire to buy another book or two about the Crue (which I never listened to) and the band mates. Morbid curiosity on my part I guess!! show less
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50 works; 3 members
Mötley Crüe
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- Original publication date
- 2007-09-18
- People/Characters
- Nikki Sixx; Vince Neil; Tommy Lee; Mick Mars; Deana Richards; Ceci Comer (show all 19); Tom Reese; Doc McGhee; Doug Thaler; Denise Matthews (a/k/a Evangelist Denise Matthews and Vanity); Tom Zutaut; Fred Saunders; Bob Timmons; Slash; Karen Dumont; Bob Michaels; Ross Halfin; Tim Luzzi; Bob Rock
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- Los Angeles, California, USA
- Dedication
- This book and journey is dedicated to all the alcoholics and drug addicts who have had the courage to face their demons and to pass on the message that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
- First words
- addiction n. A compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its consequences.
- Last words
- (Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)I guess Lemmy was right--I am better than that.
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- Music, Biography & Memoir, Nonfiction, General Nonfiction
- DDC/MDS
- 782.42166092 — Arts & recreation Music Vocal Music, Singing Secular forms of vocal music Songs General principles and musical forms Traditions of secular songs {genres} Rock songs modified standard subdivisions History, geographic treatment, biography Biography
- LCC
- ML419 .S614 .A3 — Music Literature on music Literature on music History and criticism Biography
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