To Train Up A Child

Nope. NopenopenopenopenopeNOPENOPENOPENOPE.

As of this date, at least three children have died as a direct result of the batshittery that is promoted in this book. The fact that libraries still have this book, and Amazon (and other vendors) are still selling this book (yes, I just checked Amazon) is a big shame in itself.

This book is so fucked up that I can't even joke about it. The author fucking advocates WHIPPING infants that are only a few months old. Whipping is also encouraged for every transgression, big and small. Also, according to the author, if you don't whip your child, you're creating a Nazi.

You're also supposed to whop babies when they're not able to sleep. Or whip them for crying. But wouldn't whipping an infant cause them show more to cry, and if you're supposed to whip them when they cry...

The author's wife also abuses children she babysits, including hitting a toddler so hard that it caused the kid to wheeze. Also, you should also totally abuse a kid until they're totally broken (yes, the authors use that phrase) Kids should also be hit if they cry for their mother.

You should also whip kids until they stop crying/screaming, and hurting infants who bite their mother's nipples (during breastfeeding. Instead of just, y'know, pulling the infant away for a bit) as well as tripping toddlers so that they fall into deep water. If an infant bumps their head or a kid skins their knee, ignore it.

The real shit-cherry on top of the shit-sundae though? If your child is being bullied, you're supposed to REJOICE. Also, it's ok to withhold food from a child.

Yet, Amazon and other retailers and libraries still have this book and make it AVAILABLE. (Again, at least three children have died from this. Others have been taken into custody by CPS, and adults involved in treating children this way have been arrested or faced charges)

The Pearls suggest using your size to beat and press a child into submission.

"if you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher. Defeat him totally.”

I'd love to see the Pearls themselves being beat by a gang of people bigger/stronger than they are until they're whimpering in submission.

This shit is fucking batshit insane and the Pearls are terrible, awful people who are far more in need of an ass-beating than any kid.

I've also noticed that all the 5-star reviews of this book I've read come from people who claim to be Christian and praise this book as "sensible" or "common sense" or other nonsense drivel that should NEVER be used to describe child abuse.

Funny how so many Christians seem to forget that Jesus preached kindness, not child abuse.

The Pearls also are okay with molested children remaining in the same home as their abusers. And before any supporter of these batshit nutters claim that I am making things up, here is a link directly from the Pearls' ministry website...

https://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/abusive-husband/?topic_slug=marriage-articles

In it, the Pearls claim that if the husband shows repentance (too many abusers cry crocodile tears and continue abusing) then the children should be kept in the house with him, and that the wife should not divorce him. Even if the husband is sent to jail for his actions, the wife should still stand by him.

Because apparently, the abuser is more important than the abused.

The Pearls have no place to speak or advise others when it comes to the welfare of children. Period. They're evil, sick, diseased people who should never have had children, nor should they ever be allowed around any children at all. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. show less

No matter what kind of language Michael and Debi Pearl couch their "advice" in, child abuse is still child abuse, and it's creepy how often the Pearls compare children to animals. The Pearl's ultimate goal here is unquestioning obedience. They claim they're not interested in 'breaking' children, but then in the same breath, they will extoll the virtues of a obedient, unquestioning child.

In fact, this gem comes up early on in the text in reference to training - "future, instant, unquestioning obedience"

Ewww.

They also encourage hitting babies and toddlers to teach them to not reach for things when common sense dictates that you keep things out of reach. I mean, we're talking about fucking infants and toddlers here, folks.

The example of show more Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit is used to reinforce this "lesson" but to me, that story has always been fucked up. The forbidden fruit is the fruit of KNOWLEDGE - Jehovah wanted Adam and Eve to be ignorant, and likewise, Michael and Debi want children to be ignorant and obedient.

Mind you, the forbiiden fruit in question was 'knowledge of good and evil' so apparently Jehovah didn't want his "children" to know the difference between good and evil - all he wanted was obedience. (And people wonder why I'm an atheist, but I digress...)

Joyous obedience is mentioned multiple times. It's just so creepy because I also hear about joyous obedience in the context of the subjection of a wife to her husband (but never the other way around. Hmm...)

The pearls add physical punishment to various aspects of child-rearing, and it is honestly distressing to see how easily they are willing to resort to slapping the child or hitting them with an object. When one of their children (at 5 months old) kept trying to climb up the stairs, they switched her bare legs rather than use a baby gate. JFC.

Pearl also insists that dogs are smarter than cats, but in personal experience, I find the opposite to be true, lol. (From the way Michael writes about cats, I get the sense that he dislikes cats, and he compares training children to training dogs, so it makes sense to me that the Pearls would prefer dogs!)

Mr. Pearl also insists that ordinary children's behavior (kids not trained in the Pearl way) is terrorism, he compares kids to the Mafia or union bosses. Jeez, the Pearls really don't want ANY independent thought from children, do they???)

It's also creepy how Michael defends the flaws in Bible logic, like Jehovah creating people to be inherently sinful. Just stay the fuck away from this book, seriously. The Pearls are some of the LAST people I'd ever listen to when it comes to child-rearing advice, because it's clear all they want out of children are obedient automatons, but then, they love their religion so much, and Jehovah wants obedient automatons too, so eh. show less

This is one of the wickedest books I have ever read and, given who I am and what I read, that is saying a lot. This is a book so vile, written by a man so degenerate, that there is literally no way for a moral person to discuss it with anything approaching neutrality. It is a book written solely with the intent of breaking the wills of small children, beating them into submission, and it has become a text used by witless Christian parents to beat their “willful” children to death. And Michael Pearl is okay with that because he says those parents didn’t beat their children with love in their hearts or they wouldn’t have struck their children repeatedly with plumbing line until their muscles broke down and clogged their kidneys show more with biological debris, killing them.

This book is deeply problematic beyond just the content, which we will get to in a moment. This book upsets me so much because though I am an atheist, I know excellent and fine Christians. My grandfather was one. He would have rebuked a man like Michael Pearl and if Pearl beat a child or a dog with a piece of wood, a belt, or plumbing line in front of him, Pearl would have found out what it is like to be at the mercy of a larger, angry man. That is not because my grandfather was some sort of vengeance seeker. Far from it. He was not a man who looked for fights. He would have rebuked Pearl because genuine believers cannot stomach the harms done by True Believers. Many Christians today have the same reactions to the Westboro Baptist Church. This book is so deeply problematic because in fundamentalist, legalistic circles, people use this book in the place of their own judgement as Christians, parents and decent human beings.

This is not a condemnation of Christianity. It is a condemnation of Christians who use Michael and Debi Pearl’s disgusting book of abuse, a book so profoundly horrible that if it was used against prisoners it would be illegal and if it was used on POWs it would be considered war crimes. So if you want to defend Christianity, don’t do it here. Christianity is not what is being discussed here. What is being discussed here is child abuse in the name of Michael Pearl, not God or Jesus, and the way that unthinking faith leads people to do terrible things.

The purpose of To Train Up a Child is to use Amish horse training methods on children, and even then the Amish would likely turn their backs on Pearl if they knew how their methods of taming wild animals were used on children.

Don’t get lost in the details. Pearl in Chapter One lays out a bunch of explanations of how it is that he is not disciplining children, but rather continually training them so he does not have to discipline them. He uses Proverbs 22:6 as his rationale:

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Fair enough, but when “training” consists of pulling a nursing infant’s hair, hitting them continually, deliberately putting them in harm’s way to show them they must obey all commands, even those that make zero sense on any rational level, hitting them if they do not obey quickly enough for your satisfaction, what you are doing is brainwashing your child to follow your demented ideas, not any sort of Godly path. Mindless, shattered, fearful automatons will never depart from the path you put them on.

You can read my entire discussion here: http://houdinisrevenge.com/harry-houdini-will-have-his-revenge-on-michael-and-de... show less

This book is being held as responsible in three cases of parents killing their children by following its advice.
http://www.examiner.com/article/another-couple-found-guilty-of-murder-for-parent...

I believe the parents are entirely responsible for their own behavior. Of course, they're obviously stupid, irrational, & ripe for the picking of such con men as the Pearl's, but none of that is excuse enough to torture children to death.

I don't like convicting books or people without some background, so I checked out their FB page & didn't think they sounded too far out. Very religious, possibly even Fundamentalists, but a lot of otherwise decent people are. Then I checked out some of the reviews on Amazon. Several went into detail that show more convinced me the article was not blown out of proportion. This book does promote child abuse. This one was the best:
http://www.amazon.com/review/R33MBC5A65IPTI/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=...

This review is by heavenpeas on Amazon (link above, bolding is mine):
... My kids range in age from 14-2 and each of them is a blessing. Each of them is different. Each of them needs something different from us regarding discipline. Love your kids. Get to know them. If you are a believer, ask God for guidance. And DON'T BUY THIS BOOK.

Some excerpts: On p.65 co-author Debi Pearl whips the bare leg of a 15 month old she is babysitting, 10 separate times, for not playing with something she tells him to play with.

After about ten acts of stubborn defiance, followed by ten switchings, he surrendered his will to one higher than himself. In rolling the wheel, he did what every accountable human being must do-he humbled himself before the "highest" and admitted that his interests are not paramount. After one begrudged roll, my wife turned to other chores

On p.59 they recommend spanking a 3 year old until he is "totally broken."

She then administers about ten slow, patient licks on his bare legs. He cries in pain. If he continues to show defiance by jerking around and defending himself, or by expressing anger, then she will wait a moment and again lecture him and again spank him. When it is obvious he is totally broken, she will hand him the rag and very calmly say, "Johnny, clean up your mess." He should very contritely wipe up the water.

On p.79 they recommend switching a 7 month old for screaming.

A seven-month-old boy had, upon failing to get his way, stiffened clenched his fists, bared his toothless gums and called down damnation on the whole place. At a time like that, the angry expression on a baby's face can resemble that of one instigating a riot. The young mother, wanting to do the right thing, stood there in helpless consternation, apologetically shrugged her shoulders and said, "What can I do?" My incredulous nine-year-old whipped back, "Switch him." The mother responded, "I can't, he's too little." With the wisdom of a veteran who had been on the little end of the switch, my daughter answered, "If he is old enough to pitch a fit, he is old enough to be spanked."...

I wonder how long Amazon will keep it on its shelves. From this review, I believe it violates their terms. It certainly violates mine. show less

While I do have this book on my shelf, I only keep it in case someone else refers to it.
The Pearls often show common sense where others have failed but I think they carry their suggestions too far.

My personal stand on rigid scheduling is that your authority to discipline your children comes from the love you have toward them. You cannot get the cart before the horse. Your children are not Pavlov's dogs.

I have no doubt the Pearl's ideas were successful in their own home. I am just not sure of the wisdom they show in trying to clone their ideas in completely different homes.

This parenting book is in stark contrast to our current culture of liberal parenting philosophies. Parents who accept the truths of the Bible will appreciate the suggestions and strategies. The biblical foundation and philosophies addressed by Michael and Debbie Pearl outline the need to take back the control of our children, to raise them firmly, but with much love. Discipline and proper training of children comes from taking the upbringing of children seriously. Negative comments about this book are from individuals that either do not believe the Bible to be the infallible word of God, do not have children, or their current parenting strategy is fine for them. I find particularly interesting the criticism of the nipple-biting show more strategy. This person has never had their aching swollen nipple bitten by a baby. The book does NOT advocate child abuse. It is a book that suggests parenting strategies that require parents to take back the charge of their children. Many parents would do well to consider its suggestions. Therein is the key word: SUGGESTIONS. show less

Best book I've seen that rightly points out the importance of first "training" a child to learn obedience long before they have the capacity to obey parents out of love and gives the specifics in HOW to do it with clarifying examples.

Too many parents think "disciplining" a child is "training" a child which has the cart before the horse. Too many Christian parents wrongly think that they must "disciple" their children into obeying, meaning that they have to reason with them even when they don't have that capacity to understand in their early years and should be learning "first-time" obedience (telling a child to do something only once) which only "training" can accomplish.

I wish I had this book when my children were going up!