Ants Are Stupid: 100 Tips For Battling Office Ennui

I received my member giveaway book Ants are stupid (100 tips for battling office ennui) (thank you Margaret!) in the mail last weekend, and let me tell you, I needed a book like this in my life.

Some explanation is in order. I work in an academic library. This means that we don’t have a “staff” as much as a “wacky assortment of characters.” Some may think this is a low-stress type job situation. These people would be wrong. To illustrate this point, allow me to quote an article I just read by academic librarian Janet Swan Hill. She writes, “Some years ago, my library brought in an ‘organizational culture’ consultant, who administered some tests and determined that of all the groups that had been profiled utilizing those show more assessment tools, our culture was most similar to people operating nuclear power plants – people used to working in a milieu where the tiniest mistake could have disastrous consequences.” (“Entering an alternate universe.” Library resources & technical services 52 no. 4: 225) Now, I don’t work at the same library as Ms. Hill, but please be reassured that the organizational culture of my workplace is much the same.

Thus, the reason why I needed a book like this in my life. Yes, the tips are ostensibly for “battling office ennui,” but I am of the opinion that they could also easily be used for “battling office ridiculousness,” “battling office nincompoopery,” or simply “maintaining a shred of sanity in an office situation that is clearly insane.” (I mean come one, can anyone recall a time when a miscataloged book set off a chain of events that led to certain nuclear annihilation? My college debate team didn’t even come up with that gem.)

In the acknowledgments, I learned that this book was a compilation of tips contributed by employees of “The Boss.” Each “tipster” was assigned their own font, which allows the nerdier reader (me) to construct a mental profile of each individual based on tips alone. (I definitely want to party with you guys.) The tips are presented in random order, and each tip is accompanied by a photo or artwork in black and white. In its physical dimensions, the book is small enough to be crammed hastily into a bag/file folder/drawer should one be caught consulting it while on the job.

I don’t want to spoil the tips, as many are choice, but I will say that I have employed several of them myself. (Bringing down the happy person? Yeah, I’ve done that. And don’t even get me started on the Coke/Hershey Bar combo.) If you don’t get ideas from reading this book, you’re just not reading hard enough. And even if you don’t actually use any of them at your place of business, one can always dream, right?

Before signing off, I want to share some tips of my own that this book has inspired:

Three words: business casual flask.

Save up all the stuff you need to shred for that day when you really need to let off some steam. It’s destructive without being felonious.

Spend your work day like Ally Sheedy’s character in “The Breakfast Club.” Communicate using nothing but a series of squeals and meeps and hide in your over-sized hoodie all day long. Then, just before you leave for the day, go to the bathroom, change into something fab, get your make-up on and your hair did, and strut your stuff. If you do it correctly, the hot guy will give you a ride home and let you wear his letter jacket.

P.S. Thanks for warning me not to read the book while on my electric scooter. show less

This is silly, satiric book of tips and photographs akin to the work found in _The Onion_ or _Far Side_. Its grey-scale art could be seen as either a wackily self-conscious meta-joke on cubicle gerbils gone wild with office supplies and copier access...or merely low-production values.
Anyhow, this book is good for either a 15-minute skim or smaller increments of procrastination.