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How to Survive a GARDEN GNOME ATTACK; Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will) (2010)

by Chuck Sambuchino

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18611147,822 (3.36)8
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. nbsp; There's a new threat in town--and it's only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it's here.nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;nbsp; nbsp;nbsp; Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system--Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply--for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and--in the event that a secured perimeter is breached--confronting and combating the attackers at close range.… (more)
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» See also 8 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 11 (next | show all)
Amusing, e.g. 'Hockey stick, Light, with a long reach given a healthy swing, a hockey stick is a solid choice for combat. But don't buy a girl friend's hockey stick', page 74
  jon1lambert | May 21, 2024 |
An entertaining set of instructions. Could also be used to keep away mice, insects, family members... ( )
  Linyarai | Mar 6, 2024 |
Mildly amusing, but a little dull (since it reads like a self-help book - which is what this book is attempting a parody of.) Still, I like gnomes, so it was worth the read once. ( )
  bookwyrmqueen | Oct 25, 2021 |
Beware. They’re out there. And they’re armed. This delightfully humorous book will amuse and charm you, and yet it definitely could be classified as educational, because, really, you don’t know when those pesky garden gnomes will rise up and attack. Be wary. Be ready. Be prepared. But in the meantime, enjoy this clever little book. ( )
  Maydacat | Jul 31, 2019 |
A wonderful distraction from my back pain, this short guide on home defense is amusing, and practical. ( )
  Pepperwings | Aug 21, 2017 |
Showing 1-5 of 11 (next | show all)
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Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. nbsp; There's a new threat in town--and it's only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it's here.nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;nbsp; nbsp;nbsp; Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system--Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply--for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and--in the event that a secured perimeter is breached--confronting and combating the attackers at close range.

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