Okay book with some good information, but some sections seemed longer than needed just to celebrate being able to write about sex. My biggest irritation is the entire section devoted to talking about transgender and gender queer identities - they continually used the term "transgendered". Transgender is an adjective, not a verb. There is no such word as "transgendered". I'm surprised and disappointed any editor allowed that to pass. ( )

A bit dated but still important as an introduction to non-monogamy ( )

Too much time is spent defining labels and defending the lifestyle. Most of it seems common sense: Be honest (but no need to share all the details, if the other person doesn't want to know). Know and respect boundaries. And so on.

Can be summarized as: Set some ground rules depending on what is comfortable to both, and keep them. However, jealousy happens and is normal, and ways can be found to deal with it. -- This is where my gripe is. Sure, some people get irrationally psycho jealous, and it will be helpful to find a way to tone it down. But what if your jealousy is a warning sign from your gut that there's something off in your relationship with your primary partner? Are you supposed to just stomp down on it (the book recommends journalling about it to get it out) then?

The rest reads too much like a cheesy self-help book: 'Discover what you like! Explore each other's bodies!' Yawn. Like we didn't know that already. Here are quotes that sum up the off-putting woo-woo tone of the book:

Our friend Jaymes says, "I believe that every person you connect with on this planet has some sort of a message to give you. If you cut yourself off from whatever kind of relationship wants to form with that person, you're failing to pick up your messages."

I guess it makes some kind of sense, that we learn something from each relationship. But it also sounds like something a sleazeball would say to get in your pants. Like "Don't fight it."

Another quote:

Dossie remembers an interview with a young flower child back in 1967 who made the most succinct statement of ethical slut hood we've ever seen: "We believe it's okay to have sex with anybody you love... and we believe in loving everybody!"

It's like the Internet meme "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!", only in this case it's "SLEEP WITH ALL THE PEOPLE!"

At least I found out that ethical sluthood, as defined by this book, is not for me. ( )

The "polyamorous Bible" that, in my opinion, did a lot more harm than good in the community. Instead of a relationship guide, it reads in some ways as a book about how stupid monogamous people are. It's a bit snobby. Beyond that, it relies too much on sex as a way to fix problems in a relationship. Although sexual attention is important to many people, and make-up sex is nice, it's not going to fix things like a breakdown in communication, a partner's refusal to clean the litter box, or badly-matched life goals. I could have done without the vivid orgy house-party chapter as well. For those new to the polyamory scene, I would instead recommend books on relationships written by marriage counselors, books on the "five love styles", books on healing from abuse, books on psychology and communication styles, etc - being polyamorous is not that different from being monogamous. This is just my opinion, and you don't have to agree. ( )

I don't remember getting much out of it, but that may be just because the concept of polyamory was always comfortable to me, and the practice was easy because my partners and I were all grown-ups with plenty of relationship experiences. It is still, I'm sure, one of the go-to classics for anyone who wants to read a book to help them on the path. ( )