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Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate… (2006)

by Celia Rivenbark

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This is a good book about raising children in this century (not the how to kind)....

It is not as funny as I hoped it would be and sometimes the author starts on a subject but gets sidetracked and then goes to the conclusion....

I still don't understand (and I NEVER WILL) about taking a six-year old to Disney World for 5-7 days..... Just the thought of the expense for myself sends me into fits.

Some of the highlights for me were: ****************************************QUOTES**********************************

"Thankfully, there have been some improvements on the old Valentine system I remember from grade school, when the not-so-popular kids got five or six and everybody else got a whole bunch. It was a hateful little ritual that nobody seemed to notice was slap-your-baby cruel."

"Why does Paris (Hilton) want kids? 'I know that kids complete your life,' she said in an interview in People magazine. 'I think having kids will make me happier than I am. Plus, I already treat my three puppies like kids!' Yes, well, as long as you have a realistic notion of motherhood. The goal of any baby should be to bring happiness to his shallow-as-a-pie-pan mother. And if you can train that baby to eat on all fours from a Five-Hundred-dollar bowl bought at a Rodeo Drive boutique and shaped like a giant bone, well, so much the better."

"Ever since I gave birth, I've watched with a mix of horror and admiration those mommies who do it all. They work full-time, lead Scout Troops, and volunteer to host foreign exchange students. They exercise for an hour every day, shuttle their kids all over town, cook nutritious meals, and collapse every night for five hours of tortured sleep. Finally they've gone from a low hum of discontent to a full-fledged whine. And all I can say is this: It's About Damned Time. It turns out that 'Slacker Moms' like me are considered to be the ones who are truly mentally healthy---scary isn't it?"
( )
  Auntie-Nanuuq | Jan 18, 2016 |
Just finished this one. It was okay but I didn't find it to be side-splitting. I think the publishers doomed it for me by putting a blurb that says, "Think Dave Barry with a female point of view," on the front cover. Dave Barry is my all-time favorite humorist and it's dangerous to get my expectations that high. I found Rivenbark's humor to be a pale comparison, and she even "steals" some riffs I think of as belonging to Barry, such as phrases that would be good rock band names, made-up mottos for organizations, and anagramming.

Rivenbark's style is very conversational and most of her observations are pretty acerbic. She is at her best when she is relating her own experiences with motherhood or other aspects of life, and not as funny when she's commenting on the larger society.

This was a quick read and fun enough, just not as good as I expected. ( )
  glade1 | Feb 17, 2014 |
Pretty darn funny follow-up to "We're Just Like You...". Most will recognize someone omewhere in here, not you of course, but "friends"...slap yo mama funny... ( )
  ScoutJ | Mar 31, 2013 |
The title was enough to grab me. And let's admit it Celia is funny, but there was just too much judgmental snark for my taste. I feel like I need a shower. ( )
  MrsTalksTooMuch | Aug 19, 2011 |
Bless your heart if you are from the South. This book is book is hilarious! Perfect for those who are Southern by birth or by transfer. ( )
  scarlett_elise | Aug 14, 2011 |
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For my parents, Howard and Caroline Rivenbark, with love and gratitude for never letting me look skanky
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Studies say that children don't remember all that much, and certainly nothing good, until they are at least six years old.
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Book description
A collection of short, humorous essays written about the South.
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0312339933, Hardcover)

Celia Rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn---sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible
 
Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you'll discover:
* How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disneyworld (or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy)
* Secrets of Celebrity Moms (don't hate them because they're beautiful when there are so many other reasons to hate them)
* EBay addiction and why "It ain't worth having if it ain't on eBay" (Whoa! Is that Willie Nelson's face in your grits?)
* Why today's children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls with an abundance of anger issues
* And so much more!
Rivenbark is an intrepid explorer and acid commentator on the land south of the Mason-Dixon line.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:03:32 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

In a humorous compilation of essays, the author draws on her Southern heritage to address the secrets of celebrity mothers, why children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls, and other commentary on life south of the Mason-Dixon line.… (more)

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