Ali Land

Psychological traumas involving serial killers remain popular because they allow everyday people a glimpse into a mind vastly different (one hopes) from their own. We are voyeurs into the criminal mind as they rationalize their behavior. In Good Me Bad Me, we don’t get to see into a serial killer’s mind but rather into one of her victims. Milly is not just any victim though. She is the killer’s daughter, having been raised and abused by her for her entire 17 years. Moreover, she is show more also the person who reports her mother to the authorities.

There is so much going on with Milly that it is difficult to know where to start, and that is what makes the novel so compelling. Milly is not just another seventeen-year-old trying to find her place in high school society. She also has to deal with the life-long trauma from living with her abusive and deadly mother. If that is not enough, she must also come to gripes with the guilt she feels at turning the police on to her mother and being the cause of her incarceration. She is dealing with a little bit of Stockholm syndrome as well as survivors’ guilt on top of life as a teenager and life as an abuse victim. As we get to understand Milly a bit more, our feelings for her shift from pity to empathy to concern to horror and back again, with the emotional roller coaster getting even bumpier once we realize how indoctrinated her mother’s teachings have become. Milly is unsettling; she resists therapy and longs for her mother’s approval. Yet, she also wants a friend and someone to love her unconditionally. That neediness allows you to push aside the discomfort created by her thoughts and root for her to obtain her version of a happy ending.

Good Me Bad Me hits all the right notes as a psychological thriller. From a psychological standpoint, there is a bonanza of trauma, teenager angst, and guilt that plagues our hapless heroine at any given time. Trying to discern the damage from normal teenage emotions is a challenge and adds yet another layer to this already complex character. Adding to everything is the Mean Girls-esque story line that arises once Milly starts her new school. All of this combines to create a dark and disturbing story in which very little is what it seems. The chilling note at the end caps an intense ride into the mind of serial killer’s victim and her struggle for normalcy. show less

'New name. New family. Shiny. New. Me.'

People talk about the relative influences of nature vs nurture. But what if both influences were disturbingly malign throughout your childhood? Could you still forge a new path? If there are good and bad wolves inside each of us, which will win in the battle for supremacy? Annie knows the answer to this. It's the wolf you feed. But which wolf will she feed?

-- What's it about? --

Annie has secrets. Bad secrets. Her mother is a serial killer who's about to show more go on trial because Annie reported her to the police. Despite being given a fresh identity and a foster family placement, Annie/Milly struggles to break away from her mother's influence. She'd like to be good, but she's having some trouble with her memories, the looming trial and her new foster sister, who hates her. Can Milly fully embrace her new life? Even when the trial is over, she'll still be her mother's daughter.

-- What's it like? --

Deliciously creepy. Creatively narrated. Beautifully disturbing.

Milly narrates her own story in prose that's frequently organised in unusual, fragmented ways, drawing readers firmly into the workings of a damaged mind. I was reminded of Caroline Smaile's debut novel, 'In Search of Adam', which also uses fragmented language to reveal a mind damaged by abuse.

'Protégée. You loved saying that word. Brave enough. Am I? The lessons you gave me, good enough. Were they? You want them to blame me. you were there too, annie. I try to block out your voice.'

The narration is what makes the novel so compelling and disturbing. We see the world through Milly's eyes, but we learn early on that she has a habit of withholding information even as she narrates around a particular event, saving a significant detail of her own or someone else's behaviour to reveal later on. This is a stunningly effective way of gently unbalancing readers and reminding us that Milly is, ultimately, a damaged and occasionally unreliable narrator. The key aspect of these reveals is that, until Milly chooses to reveal the details she kept back, we are not aware that there are any gaps to be filled. I loved this aspect of Land's story-telling and was always on the look-out for more hidden gaps, with the result that I was constantly on tenterhooks, speculating about what might have happened or what might be about to happen.

-- What's to like? --

Land's portrayal of Milly is superbly chilling. There's a coldness to her at times, a detachment that allows her to comment on the bullying she experiences without it truly touching her.

'Thrown by my defiance, they are, I see it. Fleeting. The twitch around their succulent lips, eyes slightly wider. I shake my head, slow and deliberate.'

She manipulates other people carefully, adjusting her behaviour to reflect the image required - dutiful daughter, anxious sister, perfect pupil. She's a wonderfully ambiguous creation and I really wanted her to be 'good', and to move past her fear and her guilt.

-- Final thoughts --

I LOVED this book. It grew on me quietly and is one of those books that I came to fully appreciate days after I'd finished reading it, when the beauty and the horror had fully sunk in and I'd had the time to reflect on the way the whole narrative fits together.

The subject matter is dark - child abuse and murder - but Land handles her materials deftly and we only ever catch sideways glimpses of the horrors Annie and her mother's victims suffered; we are never forced to suffer with then by enduring detailed discussion of the abuse. The book does, however, reinforce the horrific psychological damage such abuse can create in survivors, and remind us all of the paramount importance of investigating any suspected abuse.

This is a compelling story of a very damaged young woman trying to build a new life for herself. Which wolf won? Why, the one that got fed, of course. The ending is delightfully chilling, and it's a testament to Land's creation that I really wanted to know what happened to Milly once the book was finished. (I have some ideas!)

This is being promoted as a book club read and I can see why - there's plenty to discuss - but it's also genuinely suspenseful and chilling.

Recommended. show less

Going into this book, you expect dysfunction and psychological damage as Ali Land details a few weeks in the life of a fifteen-year-old girl who is taken in by a foster family after reporting her demented, child-torturing, murdering mother to authorities. Her stepdad doubles as her her therapist and father-figure she has never had throughout the trial process for her mother. However, the demons inside her leave her to question every move she has made and continues to made and even the show more thoughts she has. Is she inherently "bad" like her mother and doomed for a lifetime of lunacy? Or, has her mom brainwashed her only so much that she still has time to save herself from the evil she sees?

This is a demented, deranged, and unhinged story that you can't step away from. Ali Land nails the notion of the human tendency to attain power over others for self-preservation. She braves the boundaries of evil vs decency. I applaud her courageous and bold undertaking of a very complex character and scenario. I wanted to read this because I have a background in psychology and a minor child abuse and neglect and I guess this just intrigued me that I could not help myself. As I said is it Nature or Nurture that makes us who we are? Who will win the angel on her shoulder or the devil? This reads so well that I really do see it as a movie or a tv movie. 5 stars from me this was awesome. show less

This is a relentless tale of a girl shaped by her serial killer mother. This girl is incredibly brave and strong, demonstrated by her need to escape and accepting that the only way to do so is to turn her mother in and testify against her. But this girl is also very weak and needy and wants so badly to belong and to be accepted by her foster family - the family of the man helping her prepare her testimony.

Annie - now Milly - had to learn how to survive living with her mother. A cruel mother. show more And she is still surrounded by many cruel people. So the question is, how much of that learning is still with her and how will she cope? Is it ever possible to really escape?

This is a sad and scary roller-coaster ride that will keep you guessing right until the end. Is she good or is she bad? Can she choose whether or not to be like her mother, or is it inevitable?

I received an ARC of Good Me Bad Me from the publisher and thoroughly enjoyed both the suspense and the phrasing. Great read. show less