Meg Haston

Review courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales

Quick & Dirty: Terrifyingly authentic, this book is raw, gripping, and devastating.

Opening Sentence: Twenty-seven days to freedom, and I am caged.

The Review:

Stevie is trapped. Her life has became hell as she descends closer and closer to death. Every day she mourns the loss of her brother, the brother whom she grieves for and carries guilt for. She counts calories as a desperate way to grasp control on her life, but now even that is slipping away, in the show more treatment center where girls like her with eating disorders go to heal. Stevie doesn’t think she needs healing — in fact, she doesn’t want it. Because the anniversary of her brother’s death is approaching and she has a plan for that day. She plans for it to be her last. Stevie’s journey towards recovery is raw and gritty in this novel about forgiveness and regret.

I didn’t know much going into Paperweight. I knew vaguely that it was about a girl with a bad eating disorder who is faced with a treatment center, but I didn’t realize just how painful this book would be. It’s very hard reading from Stevie’s perspective. She’s in so, so much pain and is teetering on the edge of a cliff. There are so many different interconnecting things that took a part in this pain — her guilt, her anger towards her mother, her confused feelings towards her “best friend”. Sometimes I would have to stop reading, take a deep breath, and remember that happy things existed.

The development of Stevie was the most important element of the story. She starts off super bitter and angry all the time. She sets up a wall of hatred, for herself and others, in order to block out the brunt of her guilt. She could be kind of bitchy, forgive my language. She mocked the girls that were healing and looked down on them. She only respected the ones that fought getting better — she felt that they were the strongest. That was hard to watch. As the story goes on, very slowly she regains herself. She begins to forge friendships with other girls and is able to consider the possibility of not killing herself. There were a few roadblocks. She was furious at herself for, at one point, eating more than her usual measly amount, and she thought she was showing weakness. For a long time, she truly was hopeless, and it was frightening. Thankfully she grew to be a whole new Stevie after coaxing herself there.

There were some side characters as well that I enjoyed. One was the therapist for Stevie, Anna, whom was called Shrink in Stevie’s head. Her approach was gentle and she didn’t push too hard, but I think she played a good part in showing Stevie that there was a possibility for a better future. I also liked watching the other girls in the house grow. They each had individual stories and problems, and each was fighting a different battle. Watching Stevie group together with the others was heartwarming, especially in a book that was so dark and depressing.

This book dealt with a very sensitive subject in eating disorders. It really helps you to understand what those who go through it feel. I think that the author executed the painful subject matter with expertise and wasn’t afraid to add lots of raw emotion. If you are looking for a cute contemporary than this is not it; there is no fluff in this book. There wasn’t a romance either. It was about a character’s journey towards forgiving herself and moving on. There was so much grit in this book, it kind of reminds me of Bleed Like Me. Go ahead, read it, it’s wonderfully done. But be prepared to shed more than a few tears!

Notable Scene:

I imagine myself dead. Cold. Perfect and unbreathing with a still, stone heart. The weight of my useless body rotting in the ground. My soul lighter than paper and drifting far from its fleshy prison.

I allow myself a small smile. Death won’t desert me. It’s waiting for me, beckoning. And I’m ready, taking sure steps towards my final act. An intricately choreographed scene that will amaze. I will face the audience: my mother, Eden. My father, Shrink. And with a glittering cloud of smoke – poof!

I will disappear.

FTC Advisory: HarperTeen provided me with a copy of Paperweight. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review. show less

I received an advanced reader's copy from Epic Reads in return for an honest review.

Paperweight packs an emotional punch that has you feeling for Stevie and all the other girls in the treatment center. It touches on such an important subject, eating disorders, and shows how people and events can affect a person and create overwhelming atmospheres. It is a stark reality that eating disorders consume one's life, and Stevie's need for control manifests itself in this form.

Stevie is forced to go show more to a treatment center after her eating disorder spirals out of control. While at first determined not to progress, Shrink (Anna) and the other girls there help Stevie process her past and start to move forward. The flashbacks to Stevie's life before add depth and complexity to her story. The supporting characters play such intricate rolls in Stevie's life and it is clear to see how each has impacted her.

My heart hurt for Stevie as her story unfolded. While at first she comes across as cold (and maybe even unfeeling?), it is soon evident that she is broken, hurting, and full of self-hate. How can she love herself when her own mother doesn't and (according to herself) she is the reason her brother is dead?

This is a great book that deals not only with mental health and eating disorders, but also with grief and the healing process. Haston doesn't sugarcoat anything and for that I am grateful as what Stevie went through is all too real for too many. show less

I wanted to read Paperweight because I am drawn to books about heavy issues such as mental illness and eating disorders. As most of you know, I deal with mental illness and I have always had a lot of body image issues and have struggled with not eating, binge eating and purging. Luckily the anorexic and bulimic behaviors are no longer something I personally struggle with, they are such vital topics to talk about. I find it therapeutic when reading books like these, when it is handled show more realistically, with sensitivity and doesn't hold back on the emotional involvement.

Stevie, the main character in Paperweight has just entered into treatment. She is not at the place where she wants help, or believes that she needs it. She actually wants her disorder to kill her, or at the very least, guilt over her brother's death, which she considers her fault, makes her want to die. That aspect, her feeling like her brother's death was her fault is another reason I was curious about this one. I know that survivor's guilt and grief has a way of distorting reality, so I wanted to know what really happened and how that ties into the person she is today, with the struggles she has.

I liked the relationships that she formed there, even though she was really reluctant at first. She had a very good therapist who was open with her, and was good at asking the right questions. She realized when she pushed too hard and she was awesome enough to apologize. Her roomie and her got off to a rough start, but I liked the bonds that they ended up forming. They shared parts of their past, and she realized what a non-judgmental and supportive friendship could be like.

The flashbacks showing her relationship with her brother were really nice. They of course are colored by her guilt and things she wished she had done differently. This is a great use of sibling dynamics, and I love how he was a big brother and tried to be there for her and also protect her. He was the only one who noticed and addressed her adversarial relationship with food and the weight that she lost. In her memories we also get to meet her friend Eden. They had a complicated relationship, but she is the one who introduced and facilitated Stevie's drinking. Stevie had to realize a lot about that friendship and that it was unhealthy for her.

The character growth in this one was pronounced but realistic. It took a lot for her to realize that she was sick and to have the desire to want to change, and beat her illness. Nothing was a miracle or over night cure, which is true to life, but it was a big catalyst that helped her want to change, and realize that she can honor her brother by living, instead of the warped idea that her death on the anniversary would somehow be big enough event for the year anniversary since he died.

Bottom Line: Dark and realistic look at a girl in treatment for her eating disorder. show less

*Thank You Harper Teen for an Advanced Copy*

This book caught me off guard with it's deep rooted emotion and addicting storyline. I'm not usually keen on switching from past to present, but with this one, it worked. It added depth to the story and made me truly empathize with the lead character. Now I will warn you... Stevie is a tough character to like. She is selfish, troubled, and confused. Give it time though... Let the story progress and get ready to be surprised by many twists. In the show more end my heart was filled with Stevie love.

The writing in this book was great. I applaud the Author for tackling such an intense theme with poise and charm. Most of the scenes were intense, but she did throw in some witty parts that put a smile on my face. I particularly loved the swimming scene. It was the turning point for me... At that point, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

Overall, Paperweight is a story I recommend to all teen readers. It opens your eyes to a tough subject and shows you that in the darkest of times there is always a sliver of light. show less