Tara Schuster

Best for:
Anyone looking for some ideas for how to take better care of themselves.

In a nutshell:
Writer Schuster had a bit of a rough childhood, and so has been essentially exploring how to parent herself, and grow into the person she wants to be.

Worth quoting:
‘Life is not always a list of problems to be solved; sometimes it’s actually made up of fun and ease and beauty and laughter.’

‘There is no special prize at the end of life for “the busiest.”’

Why I chose it:
Honestly? The show more cover’s pretty cool. Also I like a bit of a vulgar title.

Review:
This was a fun book to read. It felt a bit indulgent (to read, not to write), but also there is some pretty cool stuff in here. One of the pull quotes from a review calls it ‘Wild meets You Are a Badass’, and I kind of agree? I don’t know if there is anything groundbreaking or earth shattering in here, but honestly? Sometimes I do like to be reminded that when possible, life should be enjoyed.

Now, obviously, one could view that as a pretty superficial or possibly naive view of the world. What if you have a health issue? What if you have no money? What if you’re facing some really serious problems? Who has time to, essentially, buy the fucking lilies when you aren’t sure where your next meal is coming from?

But if you approach the book for what it is - namely, suggestions and tips that the author has tried that have helped her grow as a person, enjoying her life more, starting from a place of some level of privilege - then I think it’s pretty good. Suggestions related to friendships, to self-awareness, and to personal values are ones I’ve started to incorporate. Others, mostly about diet / exercise / drinking or about finding a partner, I skimmed over because those aren’t so relevant to me right now.

The author is a good writer - the book is conversational and at times a bit funny. For what it is, I think it’s a pretty good read.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend show less

Many thanks to NetGalley, Random House, and Tara Schuster for an ARC in exchange for an honest book review of Buy Yourself The F*cking Lilies. My thoughts and opinions are 100% my own and independent of receiving an advance copy.

Tara Schuster finds herself hungover after her twenty-fifth birthday with a message from her therapist whom she had drunk dialed the night before. The therapist phoned her many times worried after the message Tara had left, that Tara was going to hurt herself. Truth show more is Tara had hit rock bottom. She felt like she was good at work but bad at life. She had a chaotic childhood and seemed to be making a mess of her twenties. So this book is the result of what she learned after cleaning up her life.

Tara is a comedian and has worked for some major hitters like Jon Stewart and now holds the Vice President position at Comedy Central. She is a great writer and interjects a lot of humour in her writing. I think it is worth mentioning that the book is skewed for younger people. I don’t think the advice is relevant if you are over 40. Also, there aren’t any new ideas here. But what she presents is good advice. Things like take time for yourself, treat yourself as someone special, enjoy life because it goes by quickly. She also shows how some of the issues can be popping up in your work life. Things like seeking approval, trying so hard to please everyone, behaviour that can make it seem like great job skills, but aren’t serving you well in your life.

So nothing earth-shattering, but sometimes it is nice to hear things in a different way. She offers concrete steps or exercises to help you through the process. For example, journaling as a way of “excavating your past wounds”. Her steps are 1) Admit the thought or feeling that you’re having 2) Touch all the feels 3) Get curious about why this is an issue for you now 4) Commit to a healing action and 5) Finish with an affirmation. All to get you to what she describes as your “Oprah Mind”. Now, you don’t that all at once! She explains each step thoroughly with examples. She even teaches you how to find the twenty minutes you’ll need to do the journaling.

What was new for me was her direction on how to journal. I was always taught to write whatever was in my mind, to get anything down just get the juices flowing. Tara, however, wants you to be more intentional. She says don’t write down your grocery list or how great your lunch was today. She wants you to dig deep down to your core and see what you believe. About yourself and about the world. It was nice to see how the journaling changes over time and gets to the positive and how that can help in your life. So in addition to working out past trauma, it might help you realize that there is a difference between what you believe and what is the truth. Then you can begin to dream bigger and want more for yourself. She also notes the physical benefits of journaling.

Tara describes how each step went for her for you to realize that it isn’t necessarily easy and it doesn’t happen right away. Usually with a dose of humour. Overall, It was a five-year process for her. I wish I had this book back when I was twenty, or twenty-five. I certainly could have used the self-awareness and I certainly made a lot of the same mistakes she did. I’ve done a lot of work in this area so even though it wasn’t new information, I still found a few takeaways. It just has a lot less relevance for me now, in my current stage of life. But a fun read and lots of good advice. show less

This book is part memoir and part self-help and will particularly appeal to those who have suffered trauma (isn't that everybody?) Schuster's strength is her self-deprecating humor and her storytelling.

She has some valid points, and helpful ideas (many of which she rightly attributes to ‘the artists way’) But this memoir was too much of a “woe is me” poor little white girl mentality alongside “I did it so you can (and should) to” ala Lean In that I quit at 47% through.