Zaina Arafat
Author of You Exist Too Much
About the Author
Image credit: pulled from goodreads.com profile
Works by Zaina Arafat
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Common Knowledge
- Gender
- female
- Education
- Columbia University (M.A. in international affairs)
University of Iowa (MFA) - Nationality
- USA
- Associated Place (for map)
- USA
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Reviews
There is a lot going on here. The unnamed narrator is Palestinian-American who spends her summers with family in Amman, Jordan and in Nablus, on the West Bank. Her parents are immigrants, her mother is unpredictable and possibly mentally ill. She's bisexual and struggles with various self-destructive behaviors. She's not good at relationships, but needs to be in one. As I said, it's a lot for a single novel and it seems to be part of a slow change in publishing where characters can be more show more than one thing outside of the routine, and are no longer expected to be representative of anything but their own complex selves. Like actual people, in other words.
The novels opens with an unsettling experience in Bethlehem, when the narrator is twelve. While walking around the old city, she is yelled at by a group of men for wearing shorts. The thing that throws her into turmoil isn't the men's reactions to her, but her mother's reactions. As the novel progresses, fear of her mother's reactions to her take up an out-sized part of the narrator's life, even when she's an adult, living and working in a different city. As the narrator watches herself sabotage her relationship with her girlfriend, she's forced to come to terms with the harmfulness of her behaviors, and how most of the harm done is to herself.
The narrator is not someone I'd enjoy knowing in real life, but I loved spending time with her in the pages of a book. I like characters who can't help but blow up their own lives and she was engaging, intelligent and always had something going on. The glimpses of life Palestinian life were fascinating. show less
The novels opens with an unsettling experience in Bethlehem, when the narrator is twelve. While walking around the old city, she is yelled at by a group of men for wearing shorts. The thing that throws her into turmoil isn't the men's reactions to her, but her mother's reactions. As the novel progresses, fear of her mother's reactions to her take up an out-sized part of the narrator's life, even when she's an adult, living and working in a different city. As the narrator watches herself sabotage her relationship with her girlfriend, she's forced to come to terms with the harmfulness of her behaviors, and how most of the harm done is to herself.
The narrator is not someone I'd enjoy knowing in real life, but I loved spending time with her in the pages of a book. I like characters who can't help but blow up their own lives and she was engaging, intelligent and always had something going on. The glimpses of life Palestinian life were fascinating. show less
The wonderful title of 'You Exist Too Much' was enough to convince me to read it. The book follows a young Palestianian-American woman through a series of disastrous romantic relationships with men and women. In an attempt to break the cycle, she attends a sort of love addiction rehab. Her difficult relationship with her mother looms over her throughout. Zaina Arafat's writing is beautiful and very affecting, which makes the novel rather depressing to read. I related very much to the show more protagonist's friend Renata, who attempts to be supportive and offer advice, while clearly wanting to say, "Oh honey, no. Not again." I was particularly of this view when Matias appeared; that relationship was clearly going to be a shitshow from the first moment. While a hopeful ending doesn't counterbalance the emotionally gruelling nature of everything else, the acute insight makes it a rewarding read. Arafat examines diaspora experiences, sexuality, family trauma, and mental illness with nuance:
Despite not generally being fond of novels centred upon romantic unhappiness, I really appreciated the thoughtful self-awareness of Arafat's protagonist. Her difficult love life is contextualised and analysed without reductiveness or cliché. show less
"I think I know who you remind me of," I said to Molly that afternoon. I so very much didn't want to admit it. "You remind me of me. Or the me that I might've been, if my mom didn't insist on whipping me into who she wanted me to be. I guess I miss that other version of myself, even though it sort of terrifies me."
A memory of standing barefoot on the cement balcony of my mother's apartment in mid-December pops into my head. She had banished me from her living room for coming home from school for winter break with unpedicured feet. "I'd rather you bring home F's than feet looking like that!" she called out as I stood hugging myself to keep warm, protesting that at least I'd got A's. "What man is going to look at you, with such feet?"
Later that same day we were shopping for formal dresses. I tried on a long Dolce & Gabbana gown that she's chosen and that neither of us could afford. It was silk and beaded and hung from me in a way that made me feel sexy and stupid, like I was playing the role of a girl who dould wear a silk and beaded designer dress that draped off her body. I stepped awkwardly out of the dressing room to show my mom, feeling completely foreign to myself. She stood up and walked over to me, then put her hand on my back and turned me around.
"Beyakhud el a'el," she said, stepping back and smiling. Her words reverberated through my mind. In that moment, the morning's pedicure incident no longer mattered - I'd gotten it right this time. The desire to hear her say that motivated me to get from moment to moment, day to day.
I continued as Molly stared at me. "And in a way, I'm glad she did and I hate that." I shrugged. "I guess I want to do the same to you, sometimes. You know." I said, making air quotes quotes, "for your own good."
Despite not generally being fond of novels centred upon romantic unhappiness, I really appreciated the thoughtful self-awareness of Arafat's protagonist. Her difficult love life is contextualised and analysed without reductiveness or cliché. show less
You Exist Too Much was a uniquely different read for me. I haven’t read much literature with Palestinian main characters, and not with characters who identify as bisexual. The story is intense, heartbreaking and powerful. It’s the type of read you can’t put down but can’t put your finger on as to why. I felt for this woman and the toxic relationship with her mother that has cast a shadow over so much of her life.
Told in the first person, the unnamed protagonist doesn’t hold show more anything back. The story goes back and forward in time, describing events in her past while going through the end of a relationship, a stay in rehab and moving on to a new city and degree. As the story moves through the US, Palestine, Jordan and Europe, we find out more about the protagonist and perhaps some reasons why she has been coined a ‘love addict’ and self-destructs her relationships through obsessions with generally unattainable people. It’s painful, heartbreaking and uncomfortable to read at times as the protagonist sees what she is doing, but does it anyway. Her relationship with her mother is revealed to be more and more complex as the novel goes on. Initially it seems to be that her mother can’t accept her sexuality, but later it goes into mental abuse, gaslighting and an awkward relationship that she can’t quite break free from.
What makes You Exist Too Much so compelling is that the main character is far from perfect, and admits it. Bad things happen to her, from the annoying to the major. She is capable of being unfaithful and telling the biting truth to those who don’t want to hear it. She makes numerous mistakes in her relationships. She ignores what her counsellors say. It’s not just one flaw, it’s many. In a twisted way, it’s refreshing and not as depressing to read as it might seem. The protagonist knows what she does is wrong and doesn’t make excuses (although she has plenty). She carries on, but is not oblivious to her outsider status in the US as a bisexual, Arab woman. I wouldn’t say that she embraces it, nor accepts it, but is aware of it. It’s a fascinating character study in a world where the character is never quite at home.
The writing is just right – intense at times with bitter, self-depreciating humour at others. Arafat knows just when the intensity is enough and smashes it. The back and forth in the narrative works well too; the jump is at a point where the reader doesn’t feel ripped out of one scene and into another. They seem to fit together nicely. It’s hard to believe that this a debut as it’s so self-assured. Great work from Zaina Arafat.
Thank you to Hachette for the copy of this novel. My review is honest.
http://samstillreading.wordpress.com show less
Told in the first person, the unnamed protagonist doesn’t hold show more anything back. The story goes back and forward in time, describing events in her past while going through the end of a relationship, a stay in rehab and moving on to a new city and degree. As the story moves through the US, Palestine, Jordan and Europe, we find out more about the protagonist and perhaps some reasons why she has been coined a ‘love addict’ and self-destructs her relationships through obsessions with generally unattainable people. It’s painful, heartbreaking and uncomfortable to read at times as the protagonist sees what she is doing, but does it anyway. Her relationship with her mother is revealed to be more and more complex as the novel goes on. Initially it seems to be that her mother can’t accept her sexuality, but later it goes into mental abuse, gaslighting and an awkward relationship that she can’t quite break free from.
What makes You Exist Too Much so compelling is that the main character is far from perfect, and admits it. Bad things happen to her, from the annoying to the major. She is capable of being unfaithful and telling the biting truth to those who don’t want to hear it. She makes numerous mistakes in her relationships. She ignores what her counsellors say. It’s not just one flaw, it’s many. In a twisted way, it’s refreshing and not as depressing to read as it might seem. The protagonist knows what she does is wrong and doesn’t make excuses (although she has plenty). She carries on, but is not oblivious to her outsider status in the US as a bisexual, Arab woman. I wouldn’t say that she embraces it, nor accepts it, but is aware of it. It’s a fascinating character study in a world where the character is never quite at home.
The writing is just right – intense at times with bitter, self-depreciating humour at others. Arafat knows just when the intensity is enough and smashes it. The back and forth in the narrative works well too; the jump is at a point where the reader doesn’t feel ripped out of one scene and into another. They seem to fit together nicely. It’s hard to believe that this a debut as it’s so self-assured. Great work from Zaina Arafat.
Thank you to Hachette for the copy of this novel. My review is honest.
http://samstillreading.wordpress.com show less
The novel is non linear, so passages set in the current will be sandwiched between flashbacks of the past. Our narrator describes her volatile relationship with her mother, and her struggles as a Palestinian American. She’s often reckless. She has the tendency to cling to dysfunctional relationships and even seeks treatment for it. I can see how others would find her unlikable, but I found myself wanting the narrator to overcome her demons and find love.
I fell into reading easily with show more this book. I loved the style of the prose and felt the flashbacks really helped you better understand the narrator and her behavior. As someone who hasn’t read many books featuring Arab characters (and I should be better about that) reading this book opened my eyes to parts of a culture that I knew nothing about. show less
I fell into reading easily with show more this book. I loved the style of the prose and felt the flashbacks really helped you better understand the narrator and her behavior. As someone who hasn’t read many books featuring Arab characters (and I should be better about that) reading this book opened my eyes to parts of a culture that I knew nothing about. show less
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