Jay Cooper

Ah, the idyllic English country village. So calm and peaceful. So drenched with blood. Maureen Johnson provides a slyly humorous guide to staying alive in the typical English cozy mystery town and Jay Cooper's illustrations are the perfect complement. Most of the guide will at least make you smile, very few tidbits are duds, and Johnson's pacing and tone make other tips about these deadly locations laugh-out-loud funny. If you've read any English cozies or watched any British murder show more mysteries, this guide will hit a funny bone. show less

A weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring the faded glories of a country manor, and pints in the pub. How charming is that? Well...That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an "English Murder Village", where danger lurks around each cobblestoned corner and your next sip of tea might be your last. If you insist on taking this journey, then you will need to bring along a copy of this little "guide". It just may keep you on the "right side of the dirt"
This little gem is show more exactly what it claims to be...a guide... a bit questionable, but still a guide. In a very funny manner, it will give you everything that you could possibly need to know as an unsuspecting tourist. You can now tour those little English villages and successfully manage to not get murdered.

It's not a very long book, but I believe that it was one of the funniest "little treasures" that I have ever had the pleasure to read.

Think about your trip...You might spend a weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring a country manor, and of course, sampling pints in the local country pub. I understand that England is full to the brim of those country pubs....you might not ever see any more of the country:) How charming is that? But...you...the unsuspecting tourist, may have the misfortune of finding yourself in an "English Murder Village", where danger lurks around each cobblestoned corner and every sip of tea, though delicious...may be your last. If you still insist on traveling in spite of being warned of the dangers, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive. Plus...its’ also one of the funniest books you'll ever read.

Aimed at the lovers of classic manor house and/or English village mysteries...your local library is full of them, maybe your home library also. Think of the books that have been written by the "Queens of Crime", Georgette Heyer, Francis Duncan, Patricia Wentworth...the list goes on and on and on... This book takes those well-written characters, the architecture, and all the events and happenings that are found on those pages...the pages of all our favorite mysteries, and gives them irreverent, hilarious descriptions. Makes you wonder if there might also be a grain of truth in that description since there are so many readers of those books.

At the end you'll find a quiz that tests your intelligence to survive a night in said "murder village". I will admit that I didn't do very well. Actually, this may be my last review as I am "deader than a doornail":) I will now need to go haunt paranormal literature.

What is even more fun, is how many of the people, places, and things Maureen Johnson describes in "Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered" that you will recognize from either reading them or watching those crime solvers in TV shows. You know who they are...Father Brown, Death in Paradise, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries and several more.

I would recommend this book to anyone who loves murder mysteries of any kind, as well as having an excellent sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself. A big thank you to my friends on various LibraryThing group sites for this recommendation. show less

I live in an eponymous “quaint English village”. Well, a small country town, but it is quaint and has all the hallmarks of an “English Murder Village”, which is why it has been the location for a Miss Marple film and episodes of Midsomer Murders, Hammer House of Horror, and Morse, among others.

I’ve not murdered anyone (yet), and obviously I’ve not been murdered (yet), but as a lifelong local, I know the signs. You, dear reader, may not. Forewarned is forearmed.

This short show more stocking-filler illustrates the clichés of the English murder mystery genre in delightful and recognisable ways. It’s based on a blog post that went viral nearly two years ago, now published with lots of illustrations, slightly reminiscent of Edward Gorey.

It’s written by a USican, ostensibly for US readers, but as a Brit, living in such a place, it was a very enjoyable frippery, though it took almost as long to assemble this review as to read it. Like Hot Fuzz, it lovingly, ludicrously, and humorously satirises the predictable implausibility of cozy mysteries. The only obvious omission is a famous, fictional Belgian.

Image: Stairs are the “xylophones of death”

This book gives advice about how to spot and avoid such deadly dangers. It's vital information and impossible to guess if you don't know:
“You will not know you are in a Murder Village, as they look like all other villages.”

The book describes and illustrates the main features of Murder Villages (pub, church, vats, fancy antique shop that’s never open), the people who live there (newest and oldest residents, “anyone who looks out windows”, the constable), and the associated manor (hounds, library, maze, attic, as well as the family, guests, and staff), highlighting the hidden perils of each. Explanations range from two words to half a page, and there are two short quizzes.

Image: “Statuary: They look so real, don't they? So very real. Almost as if they're made of actual people.”

Quotes

• “The village shop: It sells cheese, stamps, tea, and death.”

• “The highest trophy in the cricketing world is literally an urn full of ashes, so you can’t pretend you weren’t warned.”

• “The gun room: Strangely, it’s safer than the study.”

• “You have no choice. You must kill [x]. Sometimes the murderer is you.”

• “Chimneys: Orphan storage.”

• “The aristocracy have three passions: inbreeding, collecting stolen artifacts, and engaging in recreational violence… Beware of any events in progress, especially a dynastic inheritance struggle.”

Image: The village fete is more dangerous than The Hunger Games show less

Maureen Johnson's quirky sense of humour comes out in full force for this satirical guide to avoid getting murdered when one visits a small English village. As she outlines all the many locations, events, and village characters who are likely to be responsible for your untimely demise, Jay Cooper's spare black and white illustrations (with splashes of red) add to the charm. A quick and very funny read that will have fans of cozy mysteries set in small English villages laughing uproariously.