Thomas Erikson (1)

Rating: 3.5* of five

The Publisher Says: Part of the bestselling Surrounded by Idiots series!

Internationally bestselling author Thomas Erikson shares the secrets of dealing with everyday narcissists.

Are the narcissists in your life making you miserable? Are you worn out by their constant demands for attention, their absolute conviction they are right (even when they’re clearly not), their determination to do whatever they want (regardless of the impact), and their baffling need to control show more everyone and everything around them?

In this thought-provoking, sanity-saving book, Thomas Erikson helps you understand what makes narcissists tick and, crucially, how to handle them without wearing yourself out in the process. With the help of the simple, four-color behavioral model made famous in Surrounded by Idiots, Erikson provides all the tools you need to manage not just the narcissists around you but everyday narcissistic behaviors as well–something that is becoming more widespread in the age of social media.

Engaging and practical, Surrounded by Narcissists will help you free yourself from the thrall of others' toxic agendas so you can pursue a happier, more fulfilling and successful life.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: US society, it seems, is a narcissism-generating machine. Largely dealt with in silence, the harm narcissistic people cause in public and private spheres impacts all of us. In any relationship, a narcissist uses very specific strategies to control you, and the conversation about them, so they appear brilliant at all times. A recent scandal involving a specific Hollywood star's behavior towards another person is understandable more completely in this light. Doubtless you can see many traits in the stories the author uses to explain narcissism that adhere to lots of folks you know...but never knew why you had trouble warming up to them.

A word of caution: Don't think you're suddenly a mental-health professional and run around diagnosing others. They won't like it, and it will bite you hard. The author is careful, unsurprisingly since his brand is as a communicator, to state that he is synthesizing research and presenting conclusions based on data, not on his mental-health expertise. show less

Thomas Erikson is a behavioural expert, who has spent most than 20 years providing leadership training to major companies (e.g. Ikea, Microsoft, Coca Cola...) so, this read is clearly about how to handle other people on a workplace than in daily life; although, of course, features overlap in both environments... What about it?

Well, maybe it all make sense from a corporate perspective, boxing people under broad yet restricting labels, and with all their gung ho seminars and trainings and what show more not. From a personal one, though, I wasn't impressed. To be clear: I do believe in psychometry and most personality tests, that we all fall under general patterns of mindset and behaviours. The problem here is that, such patterns are way too broad! In fact, the author outlines only four rough types of personalities, that he labels under different colours. If it sounds as limiting as the four humours which were first outlined by Hippocrates, that's because, well, of course, it is!

Is it useful? Somehow.

Personally, I found it interesting only when it comes to my types of behaviours (I am a red, with some hints of blue). It points to my strengths, but, also, to my weaknesses, and, most importantly, to how other people might perceive me (smart, reliable, workaholic, stoic, but prone to arrogance, impatience, coldness/ insensitivity, opiniated, and strictly judgmental -I can live with that). The question is: would I apply it to how I handle other people around me?...

...Nope! Not because it's useless (it sheds light on my own flaws!) but because it feels like boxing people in under too strict a label, and I believe that there are other tools, out there, far more useful because far wider and taking into consideration other settings than the workplace (e.g. the Myers and Briggs type indicator). To be fair, the author is aware of such flaws, insisting that people fall under different colours:

'only about 5 percent of the population has just one color that shows in their behavior. Around 80 percent have two, and the rest have three. No one has four...'

Ha! But, isn't that diluting the types in question, and so reckoning with the limitations of each, let alone the whole system!?

Use it for yourself, then, to see how others might perceive you. Otherwise, beware of its reductionism. show less

NOTE: I am a librarian and I received an ARC of this book in MOBI format from NetGalley.

"You're such a narcissist!"
It seems like this phrase is thrown around everywhere one goes. But what does narcissism really mean? Are there really more narcissists than ever before? How are we to deal with the narcissists in our lives?

Thomas Erikson attempts to answer these questions in his latest book, "Surrounded by Narcissists." In doing so, he postures individual narcissism as a symptom of a show more status-obsessed, often antagonistic society. The sociological framework Erikson works with is a rather divergent approach that helps the reader look at the problem of narcissism in new ways. Erikson explores the dark sides of the ubiquitous features of contemporary life, including social media, to illustrate how the modern world provides fuel for cultural narcissism.

Erikson also details the different manifestations of narcissism amongst individuals and explains how personality differences impact this phenomenon. He incorporates the DISC model of behavior analysis (a system that assigns an individual a color-red, yellow, green, or blue-based upon personality traits) that he has used in his other books and its relationship to narcissism as the basis of much of his argument. However, without additional background on the DISC model or the inclusion of an assessment for the reader to determine their own "color," Erikson leaves his uninitiated readers behind.

The book is somewhat lacking in practical solutions for dealing with narcissistic individuals in one's own life. The key recommendations are to avoid or cut off ties with the narcissist, and to reduce or eliminate one's use of social media. Advice for specific situations is outside the scope of the book. Still, a work like "Surrounded by Narcissists" is a necessary point of reference for anyone interested in creating a less hostile society. show less

This was superfun. Erikson has a lot of examples, really funny ones and he delivers them perfectly.

I also like the interviews at the end that totally show the different personality types.

What's more: this book is quite actionable. With a lot of other books, you're left wondering "what do I do with this now?". Not so here. You really get a good sense of easy-to-implement steps to improve your everyday interactions with other people. It might not be easy, as often you will have to guesstimate show more the personality types of other people, but it should work pretty well. show less