Ivan E. Coyote

what a beauty this book is. and read by ivan, it's that much better. i know i would have loved this had i read a physical copy, but hearing all of this in their voice is incredible. they are such a powerful reader. i had chills from the writing and the reading, over and over again.

i don't know how i've never read anything by them before, but this is such an excellent introduction to their writing and work. it's maybe 20 exchanges between ivan and other people who wrote them a letter or an show more email, usually after seeing them give a reading or a talk, and then ivan's response. it's full of beautiful, thoughtful, compassionate understanding, and it lays bare the trans and nonbinary experience for people who may not see it at all. i don't see how, after hearing these stories, that you can't understand. this is powerful, beautiful, and unfortunately necessary. almost every exchange had me in tears and all of them but one required a big pause and deep breaths after. this is so powerful.

in ivan's own words, in the acknowledgements: "...this book; this beautiful back and forth conversation of souls and stories and struggle and joy and hope that has been collected in these pages." it's exactly this. and read by ivan it is that much more. i loved every second of this book.

"I'm crying now as I type. I have worked very hard for years to not feel ashamed of my tears. To allow myself to fully feel things, to describe them, to share them, to craft them into the shape of a story. This is what I know about stories: they can tear me up on their way out of me but they rarely leave a scar."

"Thank you for reminding me again of how powerful a story can be and how much of that power is found inside of the person who is listening. And that that power to transform is not only held or handled by the heart of the one who is doing the telling." show less

In this book, Coyote recounts some of their most memorable experiences as a youngster, teenager, young adult. The focus is on their trans-experience, but they also talk about moments common to all of us: growing up in a family with all its ups and downs. This is what makes Coyote's book so endearing: while there are scenes that a cis-gendered person could never understand (notably bathrooms and pronouns), there are others that are all too familiar. Coyote also alternates between pain, joy show more and moments of pure grace: it is sometimes disheartening to read about prejudice but also so uplifting to come across kindness, consideration and respect.
My favourite scene: the gender reveal party which is Coyote displaying their humour at its best.
A heartwarming, heartbreaking, instructive read. show less

This book is a collection of vignettes of how two people, largely apart but also together, went from believing they were failing at gender to realizing that gender was failing them. Both share somewhat rural Canadian backgrounds, met as adults, toured together as a "trans folk musician and a butch storyteller" in a show that they created with 'no specifically queer content at all."

After that show they began working on a new one, one that would explore all the parts of themselves they usually show more kept under wraps, their trans realities, a show that became Gender Failure. This book then grew out of that show.

There are stories, photographs, song lyrics, drawings, a Gender Identity Interview for adults seeking medical care for transition. There are startling/mundane incidents of ignorance/aggression. There are moments of clarity, of unexpected connection, of joy.

In Rae's introduction to the book, they say "There should be as many books like this as there are people constrained by the gender binary, and I hope in my lifetime to read as many of them as possible." This is part of why I loved this book, just the uniqueness of their stories how it is similar and still different to other trans and nonbinary memoirs I have read, but it isn't just these unique markers, Rural, Butch, Folk Musician, that give this value, but also their real skill as storytellers. Each chapter feels like a story that has been crafted before countless audiences, and probably was. show less

There is so much vitriol and hatred being bandied about by co-president Trump that I have recently often felt compelled to visit writers who convey decency and who prize honesty. It has been many years since I last read Ivan Coyote (well before this book even existed), but I knew they were the right writer to make me feel hope again. Don't get me wrong, I also feel their anger and frustration that rides sidesaddle with their hope. That is what makes Coyote's writing the balm I need. I have show more never liked most books called inspirational because they generally set forth as a goal the concept of getting over or working around things, of pushing down anger. I think that is a terrible thing to set as a goal. Use your anger and your humor. Those are humbling energy sources. That said,. you need to also hold on to your hope, you need to spread fact, you need to be the change, etc. etc. Coyote does all that with elegance and compassion and a laudable insistence that there is joy to be found and they will find it but that they will never ignore the pain and hate and ignorance and unfairness. Reading Rebent Sinner made me feel better without clouding my anger one bit, and I got to laugh a hair more often than I had to swallow down sadness or rage. Now is the perfect time to read this book and Coyote's others. show less