Elna Baker

While trying to digest what I've _The NY R M S H D_, I've read through quite a few of the preexisting reviews on GoodReads. Many of your points, both positive and negative, are well-taken and seconded.

While Baker is unapologetically self-centered for the 274 pages of her book, which can get a little hard to take, I feel she's pretty justified in doing so: this is a memoir, and of basically her early-to-late 20s. And seeing as how she probably has 30 to 50+ more years on this planet, I think show more she's been pretty brave to put it all out there for a bunch of strangers to read.

At times I felt very empathetic to her struggles, as they had that "we've all been there" feel to them. At other times, I had little relation to her experiences, but she explained it so well that I felt I was getting the full perspective of another human being. And as someone who herself has come out of a Fundamentalist background, I can say the struggles she's having, much less putting them on display "for God and everybody" aren't easy at all. If nothing else- even if you *hated* the book, admit that Miss Baker's got chutzpah.

I don't know if it's because I have already heard so many of her stories on This American Life and The Moth, or the fact that the book is 274 pages long, but it did seem to drag a bit to me, and I had wished for a skilled editor who could have removed just a bit of the bulk without changing the spirit, voice, intent of the writing.

There are passages that seem like they are revelations to the author like, "It wasn't just a break-up. It was an existential crisis". (Aren't they all?) And other long portions are the relation of hysterically funny or basically mundane or plot propelling details. But in between those, the reader is invited into an incredibly intimate world: desires, fears, beliefs, worldview. And there are sublime yet simple passages like:
I am made up of skin, and muscles and fat, my body began. I have a heart that pumps blood and a foundation of bones that are as vulnerable as paper because they too can become ash. But I move, and I can jump, and I feel, and I can do all of these incredible things...but you don't love me. When are you going to realize-- this is your only chance.

I think that's what I like best about Elna Baker's book. Besides the fact that I was raised my Fundamentalists and it's hard for me to find literature that speaks to that aspect of my life (which this book does extremely successfully), what I like best is that the author is not trying to impress anyone. Too many words in her book? Too bad. Think being a virgin at 26 is funny? Fuck off. Think pounds and pounds of extra skin is too gross to write about? Your loss. Want a more cohesive, persuasive, neat story with a bow on top? Sorry, that wouldn't be honest. And she does all this with candor and humor, and without a confrontational attitude.

(Incidentally, if anyone knows of an online "chat with the author" event, please let me know via my Goodreads e-mail. Thanks!) show less

Okay, how could you not wonder what was hiding in the pages of a book with a title like The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance?

More like who? Elna Baker that's who. Baker is a young twenty something practicing Mormon and self professed 'big girl' who moves to the big city - New York - to pursue her education and career.

When she decides to lose a large amount of weight, she is suddenly attractive to men. Elna's memoir is a engaging narrative detailing her attempts to reconcile show more all the facets of her life - food, family, friends, God, sex and more. Baker also does stand up comedy and her sense of humour is present in her writing as well. I found myself laughing out loud at many of the situations she finds herself in. Her choice of costume for the Mormon Halloween dance had me in tears. She dressed up as a fortune cookie - picture it...when she arrives at the dance, it is only then she realizes she her costume resembles female genitalia.

The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance is a (very) funny, open, honest, informative and sometimes heartbreaking chronicle of a young woman's attempt to find herself. Baker's zest for life is infectious and it shines through in her storytelling and writing. A great read. show less

This is one of those books that people either seem to love or hate. And most of the hate seems to either come from people within the LDS Church who think that Elna Baker's depiction of being in a Singles Ward and a member of the Church are somehow lies or just exaggerations. And, of course, there are the people who say that she is being narcissistic and self-centered by writing this book because she only talks about how things pertain to her, but that's kind of the point since this is a show more memoir. Then there are the people who are easily offended by the content, which could be a problem for some for more conservative backgrounds (i.e. many Mormons) and who are more comfortable with G and PG books and movies. Personally, though, I think this book is easy to relate to, humorous, and nowhere near as "obscene" as some folks claim.

Baker's position in her own family is as the Funny One, which totally makes sense because this book is very funny. She has a quirky sense of humor. Her wit kept me laughing through much of the story. The only times where it didn't were when she was very open about her struggles with weight loss and with finding love, which is especially difficult for her since she is an atypical (meaning liberal) Mormon struggling to find her place in the world, as well as in a church she grew up in. It is extremely easy to empathize with her awkwardness and her sadness. And I completely understand what it feels like to want, from youth, to be beautiful and to feel attractive. Her explanation, especially in the part where she lets her body talk, made me sob...a lot. It is just so poignant and raw and real.

Her writing makes it easy to realize that some people that she's met in her life are rather horrid individuals, among them Jeff, the white women who purchased dolls at FAO Schwarz, and her almost fiance. Jeff's taking advantage of her, convincing her to let him touch her breasts under her bra (though she only was comfortable with his hands being over her bra), then telling her to keep that event between the two of them--as though he was ashamed of what he did with her. The white women who were so obviously racist because they were so closed-minded that they couldn't imagine letting their precious daughters play with a doll that looks like it is a minority. And her almost fiance who would talk down to her and seemed to like to "put her in her place" so that he could act like he was better than her. They were just absolutely pathetic.

This book wasn't perfect, but it was still great. There were some minor editing issues with it--nothing too awful. Overall, I think it was one of the best memoirs that I've read in a while. show less

Elna Baker's memoir of being a Mormon in New York City is funny, touching, and at times frustrating. On the one hand, I totally get Elna's overarching dilemma: how do you try to live in two worlds at once? Should you try to "fit in" to a community, or remain complex and questioning? As a devoted Mormon, Elna does not drink, do drugs, or have sex. But as a fairly liberal and cultured New Yorker, she is certainly not that sheltered. And she constantly questions what it means to be Mormon and show more what it means to be secular.

I have read reviews of this book that are harshly critical. You get Mormons who read it and accuse Elna of being confused and misinformed about her religion...or of not being pious or Mormon enough. You get secular folks who say that Elna should just "give up" her virginity and grow up already. I wonder--don't these people realize that being confused or questioning of one's religion is pretty common? Isn't it hypocritical to pretend you've got it all figured out? And to the secular critics--why should Elna have to prove her maturity by having sex or drinking? It's her body, right? She can do (or not do) what she wants with it.

So I am touched that Elna never "chooses" strict Mormonism or strict secularism. She continues to straddle two running horses simultaneously (as she describes it in the book). There's a scene where Elna talks to a guy she works with that grew up around the mafia and was asked to join a life of organized crime. He told her "I'm too smart and I ask too many questions" and you can't question a crime boss, right? Likewise, he tells Elna "You're too smart and you ask too many questions". Perhaps this is why she has trouble with guys and with her religion--she questions everything. I think that's the mark of a deep thinker. Someone who just can't accept things without actually thinking about them...

...However, Elna frustratingly DOES accept some things blindly and naively. The thing that got me was that Elna is constantly looking for a "sign" rather than thinking about what feels good and right to her. For example, when she is engaged to be married to a good Mormon man (which she thought she always wanted) and begins to have doubts, she goes to the temple and directly asks God if she should marry the guy. She hears/feels a response: "YES. Yes, yes, yes." But it still doesn't feel right, and eventually the guy dumps her. The thing is, this kind of "directly asking God for a very specific and immediate sign" kind of thing strikes me as a bit childish. It reminds me of that joke about the faithful Christian man who is caught on his roof during a flood and asks God to save him. A boat and a helicopter both come by to rescue him, but he turns them down saying that God will save him. When he finally drowns and goes to Heaven, he asks God "why didn't you answer my prayer?" God replies "Didn't you see the boat and helicopter I sent you?"

I think that Elna kept thinking God would answer her prayers in a concrete, literal way...but in the end, Elna didn't need God to bonk her on the head. She was able to learn from experience. And maybe that is what God intends all along.

I think I enjoyed this memoir because Elna reminds me a little of myself. Not a lot, just a little. The fact that Elna questions everything and tries to be open minded (but occasionally fails) hit home. I liked that Elna refused to be boxed in. Kudos to her and I hope she keeps defining herself and not letting others define her. show less