Kate Hardie

I can see why this book resonates with some readers, but it ultimately was not for me.

The novel is beautifully written in a lyrical, stream-of-consciousness style that immerses the reader completely in the protagonist's world. We experience her difficult pregnancy, her struggles with motherhood, her relationship with her child, and the guilt and frustration that accompany all of it. The writing is strong, atmospheric, and deeply personal. After reading the afterword and learning that the show more author lived through a similar experience, it is clear that this novel is trying to capture what that emotional reality feels like.

My problem is not that the protagonist is flawed. Flawed characters can be fascinating. My problem is that the novel remains almost entirely in a cycle of reflection. The protagonist thinks about her failures, her exhaustion, her pregnancy, her relationship with her child, and her regrets, but by the end I felt I understood those things long before the final chapter arrived.

The ending was particularly disappointing for me. It seems intended to suggest the beginning of change, but the change is so small that it is almost imperceptible. The protagonist once again reflects on her life and apologizes to her child, but I kept waiting for some small action that would show she was trying to move forward. Not a dramatic transformation, just a single step. Something as simple as choosing to do one thing differently would have given the ending a sense of movement.

I also found myself wishing for a chapter from the child's perspective. Throughout the novel we only see the child through the protagonist's interpretation. By the end, hearing the child's own thoughts, frustrations, or exhaustion might have provided a new perspective and a stronger sense of closure.

This is a novel interested in observation rather than resolution. It wants the reader to inhabit the protagonist's emotional state rather than watch her solve it. For many readers that will be powerful and authentic. For me, it felt circular. By the final page I did not feel that the story had reached a conclusion so much as returned to where it began.

I admire what the author was attempting and I think the novel succeeds on its own terms. Unfortunately, those terms did not align with what I want from fiction. I do not need characters to be happy, but I do want to see them tested, challenged, or changed by what they have experienced. Here, I felt like I spent 173 pages watching a character understand her problems without ever quite taking the first step toward addressing them. show less