J. P. Barnaby

Another brilliant and sensitively handled story about Brian and Jamie. This story - the second in the series - focuses on Brian, who has been left behind to face the music after his relationship with Jamie was discovered. From the beginning, Brian is attacked for his sexuality, culminating in serious injuries and shocks that take his life in a direction he didn't expect. It's brilliantly written, with the hammer blows to Brian coming one after the other but in a realistic rather than show more 'playing for drama'way. And the ending made my heart race. Thank goodness I purchased the entire series after I finished the first book and I don't have to wait to find out what happens next. show less

A typhoon. Heartbreak and hope, teary eyes and warm hearts, fears and smiles; from the symbolism of the perfect cover (daddy bear holding the bandaged little bear) to the perfect mixture of happiness and sadness within its pages, this story will stay with me. It is one of those unique and distinct ones that burrows deep, deep into your heart and brain, thinking of the what-ifs, the catharsis you achieve through reading, and the hurt you feel while you simultaneously enjoy the experience.

This show more is most definitely a romance, but it is also about the unconditional love between the family you are born with and the family you choose, shown through Julian's family. Simon's family was the foil to that with his mother's very conditional love and acceptance. But the main parts of the book were between Julian, Robbie, and Simon, and it warmed my heart before it hurt it time and again.

Gorgeous, although a challenging story to get through, I definitely recommend it very highly to anyone who can take an emotionally trying story. show less

So I read "Anthony," the fourth book in the series, and it was so good that I just had to dive into the last book (more like novella) in the series - and I really wish I hadn't. I wish that I had allowed myself the time to process "Anthony," but I was so full of hope, and "Sophie" is the last book in the series, so obviously it's going to be a happy book with Aaron and Spencer establishing lives for themselves and etc, right?

Not exactly.

The rest of the review will be under a spoiler cut show more because I plan on using a lot of spoilers and doing a lot of ranting. So, since the last book, Spencer's aunt Nell has had a little girl, Sophie, who is three years old. Nell is a single parent, and not much is learned about this until much later in the book. Nell abruptly and quite unexpectedly dies from a brain aneurysm, which leaves Sophie in Spencer's hands. Aaron is less than thrilled about this; he doesn't really want children, and he doesn't deal well with them, even his own nephew whom he sees regularly. I am not sure if he has ever seen Sophie besides Skype chats.

One of the first things that I dislike is the fact that Aaron is told that he needs to "man up" and take care of Sophie. No one seems to care that he doesn't particularly want children. I understand that it is a thing that happened and was a family tragedy for Spencer, etc, but I also understand where Aaron is coming from - and I don't think he should have been forced to feel bad because he wasn't thrilled with the prospect of raising a child. Some people just don't want to be parents, and that is okay! Especially with Aaron's limitations, which he fully acknowledges, and his anxiety disorder, which only makes him think about all of the things that could go wrong with Sophie. I don't think this makes him less of a man, but that is how he is portrayed - in fact, if anything, I think it makes him more responsible because he is acknowledging his feelings.

Also, this is not so much a book as it is a novella, and it feels really rushed and just slopped together. I understand that the author wanted to give Aaron and Spencer a HEA, but 1) it doesn't have to involve kids and 2) Aaron yo-yos from one extreme to the next. In one chapter he doesn't want to marry Spencer just yet, he is unsure about his feelings for raising Sophie, and he doesn't want to buy a house either. In the next chapter, all of his anxieties went away without an explanation. All of the sudden he is totally gung-ho on the house, he has no qualms (beyond pre-wedding jitters) about marrying Spencer, and he is saying that Sophie is his world. WTF? I'd understand if he gradually changed his mind, but he did a complete 180 without any explanation.

But all of this was...okay. Not great, and not what I was wanting in this story, but I was still waffling between a two and three star rating.

And then there was Jane.

Jane first makes her appearance in the hospital where Nell is in a coma. She is playing with Sophie and says that she wants "her" daughter, which is weird, because we have no idea who she is. It is then related to the reader that Jane was Nell's partner when Sophie was conceived, but she has been missing from the picture for quite some time now. There is no explanation for her absence, either, so of course I started thinking that she was a scumbag or something of the sort.

Except Jane has bipolar disorder and has been hospitalized for an extended period of time. She is currently trying to stay on her meds (a difficult thing - more on that later) and she wants to play an active role in Sophie's life.

And this is where things started to fall apart for me in a spectacular way.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 2), and it is one hell of a bitch to deal with on most days. I'm also a rapid cycler, which means that I have more than four discrete episodes of depression or hypomania a year (it's more like 8-10 for me). I'm free about it online, because it's easier to talk about it, but at work? No one knows. I can't even tell my current doctor, because she also works for the same company that I work for, and if she should let it slip, I could be in serious shit.

Mental illness is so misunderstood in America. I've literally had a job before make me sign a paper stating that I have never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder (of course I lied and signed it - I needed the job). And so few understand what bipolar disorder is really like.

In Jane's case, it is pretty bad. She had hallucinations and was committed to psychiatric care for an unknown length of time.

So Jane is trying to get at least some type of custody of Sophie, and Spencer and Aaron discover that she is bipolar (thanks to Nell's journals) and are totally prepared to throw her under the bus due to it. They do contact her lawyer before doing so in open court, but it's still awful. Because she has been diagnosed with and treated for bipolar disorder, she is automatically ruled out as being a viable parent or caregiver. It is made abundantly clear that Spencer and Aaron are being "nice guys" by ALLOWING her to visit Sophie on their terms - she has to be on meds and all visits have to be at their house (halfway across the country) and be supervised by them. And if they don't like something? It's also abundantly clear that she'll never be able to see Sophie again, because people with bipolar disorder cannot be trusted and are dangerous.

Look, you know someone with bipolar disorder. You likely know several people with bipolar disorder. And before you disagree with me - most of us are not dangerous psychopaths, like we are so often portrayed. Most of us have jobs, families, friends, hobbies, etc. And we don't talk about the fact that we have bipolar disorder. Why? Because we are viewed exactly as Jane is by so many people. Because if people find out that we have bipolar disorder, all of the sudden they look at us differently. We aren't the friends or coworkers they "thought" they knew. All of the sudden, we're scary. We're people who don't deserve to be in children's lives, to have a family, to be trusted.

I get that Jane has had some scary moments - but she clearly states that she is on her medications and she really, really wants to get involved in Sophie's life. Even Aaron thinks this is a bit of a dick move on Spencer's part - and with good reason, because Aaron has PTSD. But all of his issues are fine because, uhh, reasons that are never explained - it's the scary bipolar woman who is the problem.

They also act like Jane just has to take some magical pill and everything will be controlled and perfect. Yeah, not so much. I've been on multiple medications, and they either 1) don't work well, 2) sap all energy and creativity from you to the point that you feel dead inside (been there, done that, would not recommend - this is why it is often hard to keep taking your medications because, no matter what, I feel so fucking ALIVE when I am hypomanic, and dead on so many other medications - I can't see spending the rest of my life feeling like a shell of a person), or 3) treat some symptoms but not all of them.

But what REALLY ground my gears (and my teeth) was how Spencer treated Jane because she's not Sophie's biological mother. He tells her that because she is not biologically related to Sophie and he is, HE is more fit to raise Sophie than she is (this is before he knows that Jane has bipolar disorder). Oh good god, no. Because how many times has this argument been used against queer families in the past and is still going on today? How many queer families have been broken apart because of this bullshit? I do NOT want the "blood trumps your relationship with the mother and child" card in a queer romance, and I DEFINITELY do not want to read how the "good guy" Spencer is using that against another queer character. Biological is not always best (I can also testify to this), and to see that being used to further the plot - no. Epic levels of do not want.

I really wish that I had just ended with "Anthony" and skipped this novella entirely, because I would have been so much happier with the series. show less

I went into this book knowing that I probably wouldn't like it. In fact, I tried to read it once before, when I started the Survivor Stories series last year, and I just could not power through it (I think I stopped at about 16%). But...angst! Drama! More about Aaron and Spencer? (The last one didn't happen, actually; this can totally be read as a stand alone book. Neither Aaron nor Spencer make an appearance here.) But it did deliver on the first two things...I guess.

BDSM isn't my thing. It show more is so not my thing. It's great that it is some people's thing, and as long as all involved parties are consenting adults, I literally do not care what they do. But it doesn't interest me at all, and considering that a big chunk of this book was focused on BDSM and fetishes, well, meh.

First off, Ben is using BDSM as a total crutch. He apparently wasn't interested in it at all until his younger sister, Juliette, was raped and murdered (there is more about this event in Aaron's book, but nothing that is necessary to know is left out of this book). And now, he tried one shrink or something, didn't like the results, and decides to deal with his pain through BDSM. Great, if that's working for him. Except it isn't. He's like an addict, and considering that his mother was a crack addict (he's adopted, as was Juliette), that...is not good. He can't sleep without a session. He can't function without a session. And he won't see another psychiatrist to see if he can deal with the issues without needing to get beaten on a regular basis.

Like I said, consenting adults, etc, etc, but...I really feel like Ben is using BDSM to self-regulate, and it's not doing its job, and it looks, at least to me, like this is a HUGE FUCKING DISASTER waiting to happen.

And it'd be different if Ben was the only one suffering here. But he's not. Oh no, he has to drag his friend and roommate, Jude, into the mess. Jude is, of course, madly in love with Ben. But Ben NEEDS to be dominated. So what does Ben do? He wheedles and manipulates Jude into giving him what he wants (physical pain), even though Jude is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE with this on multiple levels at multiple instances. And it's pretty clear that if Jude resists for a long period of time - which can be a normal reaction too; he doesn't WANT to beat the man he loves black and blue, and that is OKAY - that Ben is going to find someone else to give him what he "needs." So he pretty much twists Jude into thinking that he is, indeed, a Dom. Except I don't buy that at all. Jude never seems to feel particularly comfortable in the role; even at the last chapter (before the epilogue), he's having some major issues about being involved into this lifestyle. But if Jude wants Ben, and he so does, he's just going to have to go along for the ride. That isn't a healthy relationship.

Ben doesn't come across as a very likable guy anyway, and not just because of that. He's constantly wallowing in self-pity, and it really got annoying. Look, I love me some angst, but I want the angst to come from a genuine, real place. Yes, his sister was raped and murdered. That is a tragedy. Of course he would grieve. But he puts himself into the position of being able to have stopped it, if only he hadn't been getting high.

Except he couldn't have. Because Aaron and Juliette were kidnapped off the street and taken to an abandoned building where Ben NEVER would have known where to find them! It's not like she tried to call him that night and he didn't answer because he was high or something like that. He literally could not have impacted the events that led to her murder in any way, unless he'd offered to drive her from debate practice (there was no mention that this was a regular thing - Aaron and Juliette usually walked home afterwards, because they didn't have their licenses - debate practice ended later than usual that night because they were recruiting people to join the team). So...why does Ben blame himself, except in some abstract way in that he was his brother and he "should" have known (although there is no way he COULD have known)? I just don't understand it.

It made him come across as rather whiny. And coupled with his complete disregard for Jude's feelings and emotional health, I didn't like him. At. All.

Also, for having a serious brain injury and being told that he might not make it, he recovered super quickly. And Ben is a serious acrobat, considering his leg was in a brace and part of his arm was casted, considering some of the positions he managed to get himself into for sexy times. They were pretty much impossible, actually.

Meh. I wouldn't recommend this book. It's definitely not essential to the Survivor Stories series, and I feel like not only does it add nothing to the series, but it actually detracts from it. show less