Marie Simas

Simas attacks this memoir with unapologetic strength. The humor, pain and personality comes through in the written word. I felt I got to know and connect with Marie. Sure, sympathizing is common with memoirs, but getting a reader to laugh while at the worst, well, that takes a special creative talent. Don't get me wrong, nothing is funny about the serious issues presented, but humor brings relief. The message is about surviving, overcoming, talking and ultimately, in the end to change. Yes, show more things happen to people, but what are we going to do with these experiences. It might be cliche to say, 'Turn the bad into good,' but taking control is the best revenge. Marie takes control of her past, which also allows her to control her future.

I wish it was longer. Some of the entries seemed too short or cut off. I tend to do this when I'm writing a particularly disturbing scene. At times, it is abrupt, like a slap in the face. However, it is consistent and the more I think about, it works with the overall voice of the book. Still, a little more vulnerability by slowing down at certain places would benefit the passages.

* mature content: marital rape, abuse and language. show less

I started reading it as soon as I got home and saw it in the mail, and finished it a little over two hours later. Overall, I liked the book. It was quirky, a bit gut-wrenching, disturbing, and hopeful all at the same time. Why the 3 stars then? Because I can't get over the title. It's an interesting title, a unique title, a title that is sure to make someone do a double take. Unfortunately, it's also, in my opinion, a horrible title for this book as it completely gives the wrong impression show more about what the book is about. This was not a memoir of a Catholic girl writing about weird questions she had to deal with. It was a memoir of a girl, who just happened to be Catholic (though religion isn't a big part of this book at all), writing about growing up with an extremely abusive and horrendous father and moving past that.

Simas tells a compelling story. I was a little thrown at first by the episodic nature of the book, but it becomes clear just why she chose that structure at the very last few pages of the book. She writes about some truly traumatic and horrific experiences defiantly, catharticly, and with a bit of tongue-in-cheek humor I admired. I don't know if I could have survived in her family and emerged half-way functioning.

Review copy courtesy of the author via Goodreads First Reads show less

From the very first page, Marie exudes brazen, blatant honesty. Do Tampons Take Your Virginity? starts off with an ass/face towel anecdote – I kid you not – and it only delves deeper from there. I applaud Marie for being audacious enough to publicly write about these stories. I’d personally be too afraid of who from my past would read the stories. Marie, however, exposes every raw moment of her childhood – from abuse, to rape, to sexual encounters. This memoir was so full of honesty show more that I was mildly surprised at first; it takes some getting used to (my jaw dropped at least 10 times while I was reading).

This memoir was a complete emotional roller coaster. There were times when I cried, there were times when I laughed. I personally guarantee you will laugh at the first page of this memoir. But despite the wit and humor present in Marie’s memoir, there was also her father present – an ever looming figure of fear. Every time a scene with her father came up, I wanted to personally run over to Marie and give her a big hug. However, she doesn’t let us linger in the sadness for long. She seamlessly provides sporadic comic relief throughout the entire novel so that the oppression her father brings isn’t too overwhelming.

Not only is she bold enough to “come out” with her story, but she’s strong enough to withstand her father’s oppressions and the hurts she’s suffered. She could have easily succumbed and taken her abuse silently, or even become depressed, but that never happened. Her head was still held high and she took her life into her own hands once she hit college. I was very impressed with the strength that she had.

And I have to mention her grandmother Amalia, who I fell in love with. Any old grandma that chases a perverted old uncle up the street, screaming obscenities in Portuguese, is definitely okay in my book. She was always a constant beacon of hope, at least from my perspective. Every time her grandma was mentioned, everything would get slightly better – not completely, but marginally.

Lastly, I love the fact that Marie tried to go back and reconcile with a few people from her past that she had wronged, such as Randall Johnson. I gained so much respect for her for writing an apology to him, and even more-so for Randall, for graciously forgiving her. show less

This book was not what I expected. My only clue as to what this book was about was via the blurb which gave the impression that it was a lighthearted look back at a Catholic girl’s life via statements like “...Surprisingly funny...”. “hilarious, uncomfortable situations”, “These stories will make you laugh out loud”.

To me, this book was not funny. It was brutal and raw and really pushed the boundaries of what I normally read. In fact, I almost stopped reading the book early on show more after I reached an incident involving worms.

However, I forced myself to persevere and digest the incidents narrated. It was difficult because it was so negative. Not only the content, but the tone. I lost count of the times something was described as “shitty” or someone was an “asshole” or a “bitch”. It was wave after wave of snarkiness and bitterness. I found myself torn between empathising with the author for what she endured and yet not liking her very much as she describes some of the ways she treats people as she grows older.

Whilst I would not read this sort of book again, I’m glad I made it to the end. The last few pages do throw perspective on the hard slog through the rest of the book. The ending makes you think of what happens between the incidents narrated. There are those of us who look back on the past as a golden age and miss out on living where we are now. Then there are those of us who don’t live in the now because we are too bitter with what has gone before. We tend to hone in on specific events to affirm a view and forget the fullness of emotion with which life usually comes.

Definitely not a book for the faint-hearted or those looking for a story with eloquent writing or likeable characters. It is a personal and real story as it would be told to a closest friend – with “unedited” thoughts, emotions and unrefined language. show less