Joan Z Rough

I usually don't read a lot of memoirs but when offered this one, it struck a chord in me. My life was very similar to the authors, the only difference is that I did not have my mother live with me in her last days, one of my siblings did that. Living with an alcoholic is difficult. Mine was but only in my high school years. She had not done a lot of drinking in my younger years but she was still very verbally abusive.

Like the the author, I also had resentment and anger towards my mother. show more But the only way I was to overcome mine was with a loving husband and children who reminded me that I was not to blame for my mother's behavior.

Scattering Ashes is a very poignant, no holds barred story of a woman who eventually comes to terms with her feelings and is finally able to move on. Told with an honesty that will have you feeling the emotions that Ms.Rough goes through during and after the time her mother lives with her. A person in this situation like Joan, goes through anger, guilt and sometimes humor, then forgiveness. Forgiveness not only for herself but for her mother also, because that is the only way you can go on from a situation like this. Fortunately for me, I have four children that I have a great relationship with. I enjoyed reading this book. show less

Scattering Ashes is an engaging and heartfelt story of a daughter who powers her way through her mother’s lifelong abuses to find love and forgiveness. Once I started reading this, I couldn’t put it down.

Rough’s portrayal of the challenges and stressors of taking her aging, ailing mother into her home will resonate with anyone who faces the decline of a parent and is forced to make such a decision. That Rough has suffered a life of abuse by her mother adds to the tension and complexity show more of the story. Even though my mother was and still is a loving mother, I can relate to the dilemma of watching a mother fail and feeling the obligation to do as much as possible to ease her transition.

Rough’s writing is raw and honest and her subtle sense of humor helped lighten the load of an oppressive situation while also highlighting the author’s resilience and openness to make the best of a difficult circumstance. Her characters are believable and realistic and come alive on the page. Through her descriptions and scenic details, I have a very clear picture of her mother, her brothers, her sister -in-law and her husband as living, breathing human beings with flaws and gifts. Her honest self-reflections also add a dimension of authenticity to her character.

She leads the reader through the deep and complex terrain of a mother –daughter relationship at the end of life and shows us how she found love and forgiveness for the woman who caused her so much pain. It is a story of triumph against incredible odds. When she sees the woman behind the abuse, she transforms the life story she carried around like a burden for years into one of peace and healing. She shows us how there is life after abuse.

A truly inspirational memoir with a universal message about the power of a mother’s love, the complexities of the mother –daughter relationship and the power of the human spirit to heal and move on from abuse.

I highly recommend this memoir. show less

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