Jill Murray (2)

One in three girls will be in a controlling, abusive dating relationship before she graduates from high school from verbal or emotional abuse to sexual abuse or physical battering. Is your daughter in danger?

Dr. Jill Murray speaks on the topic of dating violence at high schools around the country, reaching more than 10,000 students, teachers, and counselors each year. In every school she visits, she is approached by teenage girls in miserable relationships who, when confronted with the option of breaking up with the boy, exclaim, "But I love him!"

Many young women and their parents, aren't even aware of the indications of a potentially abusive relationship. What's most alarming is that these warning signs are also some of the behaviors that girls find most flattering:

A boy pages and calls a girl often but as a form of control, not affection.

He wants to spend all his time with her, but eventually won't allow her to spend time with her friends.

He says "I love you" very early in the relationship.

These behaviors can escalate into blaming, isolating, manipulating, threatening, humiliation, and sexual and physical abuse.

In But I Love Him, Dr. Murray identifies these controlling, abusive patterns of behavior and helps you get your daughter out of the relationship without alienating her. You will learn what draws her to this type of relationship, why she has a hard time talking to you about it, the special barriers teens face when breaking off a relationship, and what's going on in the mind of a teen abuser. Dr. Murray will help you show your teen what a respectful relationship looks like, and teach her the importance of respecting herself. Selected Reading Questionnaire.… (more)

Comments from social worker (paraphrased): It's good, there's no reason it can't be in our library. I didn't like 1. that the author asserts that every woman who has been in an abusive relationship was abused in her past/childhood, because that's not necessarily true, and 2. that the author uses her own experience, and women who have had similar experiences to her own, as a kind of "The Way" abuse works/happens, because other people have different experiences. So it's not my preferred book on the subject, but there are no problems serious enough to keep it out of the collection and there is some useful stuff in here too.… (more)