Caleb J. Ross

THIS BOOK IS OMG awesome! ANYWAY... WARNING, I use the F-word four times (which I thought I was restraining myself) and ASS twice.. but I don't think one of them counts, and a couple of the FUCKS were wonderful alterations according to my friends.. so I am down with it! CARRY ON!

F is for a frightening experience (and the F-word)
This review rated M for mature as in Facebook said I swear more than 89% of all my friends. I am making sure I live up to their assessment in this review, and I promise, like Catch-22, it needs to be in here. I am still going "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot what did I just finish reading? WAIT not reading EXPERIENCING?!" Now, I am going to do something different, I am going to rate it first...


Five hundred million Bottles of Awesomesauce - there is nothing more, not even bacon at this point
If language offends you ... I really wanted to apologize ahead of time but I can't! I tried to write this straight, but I can't! I am still dealing with dropped jaw syndrome! So...*shrugging shoulders* this book would probably not be something you could handle if the occasional fuck bothered you anyway. It takes balls to take this book on! And I know a lot of you have them, so strap them on ladies and hitch them up, gentlemen and take it on, you will NOT be disappointed. Do not eat before you read, hug your children and be happy with your decision to breed and enter a world that extrapolates to the extreme 'WHAT IF" and, what the fuck! and most importantly? Be careful what you wish for, sometimes someone really can grant your wishes, even if you didn't mean it!
Ever read one of those books that sticks to you brain pan like duct tape on a shaved cats ass.. oh wait that may not mean something to all of you ummm OK that sticks like extra strength duct tape, let's leave it at that! It is the foundation for a myriad of messed up bad dreams and unsettled sleep for the last week. I am deeply and quite deliciously disturbed by this. It has darkness in it, it oozes and gushes epically awesome frightening darkness. All manner of messed up people live in this town where our protagonist Will now lives. And he is in charge of cleaning up behind their worthless lives.
He has a f-ed up but necessary job, he is a human remains removal expert. Car accidents, decomposing bodies stuck to their E-Z chairs... its.. fragrant and ripe with festive insanity. But the bodies are not there just what is left behind. We all wonder what kind of mark we will make in this world and I do not think any of you imagine it will be the puddle of decomp jelly where your fat ass fell asleep watching Jeopardy and stuffing Ho-hos in your gullet. Or spread across the scene that can be hosed away on the interstate. Give up your dreams and forget about clean underwear because it won't matter at this point.
NOTHING I have read can compare to this except maybe the Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille. Georges may have a 21th century brainchild in Caleb J. Ross and Georges is called the "metaphysician of evil," specializing in blasphemy, profanation, and horror."
Throughout all of this Will is dealing with a pregnant fiance whom he is trying to convince to be rid of the child of before term or if at term to give up. It is full deep imbibing metaphors to immerse your psyche in. It has dark, cruel comedy, he is pretty much a top-notch prick to his fiance and shes obsessed with the belief everything he does and comes in contact with is a health risk to the unborn child. The cleaning supplies he uses coats his clothes, the cigarettes he chain smokes, now outside for her. Well for him, because he does not want to deal with her complaining. I haven't read a book like this, ever!
Yet, just when I hate this guy, just when I start climbing on my fancy feminist fuck-off wagon? He does something showing heart. He feels bad.. he doesn't talk about what he has to do or what his cleanup will be. He convinces himself it is because he doesn't want to deal with her wrath but there is a part of him that is soft enough to remember why they are together. At least that is my warm fuzzy place I have to think about so when he lights a bird on fire and I am right back on the feminist fuck-off wagon I do not pull both guns.
My mouth is still hanging open when I think back on what I read. There is one scene that will forever be burnt into my soul, wait a lot more than one..but the first really horrific scene is a house which has a perfectly maintained lawn in a neighborhood of perfectly maintained lawns and houses, but this house? It is falling to pieces like a forgotten and neglected elderly family member. There was so many symbols seeping from pipes and filling up the basement. Melville would have had a field day with the symbolic iconography in just the kitchen alone. I.. I... I want to tell you so much but I am afraid if I do you would miss out on the shock, which like my swear words is necessary Oh Em Gee try it for yourself, seriously! *mouth hangs open, head shakes, looks at the cat and whispers..." Seriously Asrielle, maybe I better take the squirrel in residence some folks may come after me but then again some folks may be sending me pounds and pounds of bacon!"
Now, I have to leave you here. I probably could go on another 1ooo words because I have not even gone back over in my brain what happens a bit before you hit the halfway mark, or the playing catch with one of the short-bus kids and a decomposing racoon. (do not even go there, there is no way I can be politically correct while trying to explain this. Plus, the short-bus kid? He captures the heart of Will along with me!) Just trust me. Oh and I did not mention the twisted idea of a fairy godmother who leads all this merry mayhem. I would choose her as a fairy godmother mind you she is more like Satan's spawn of a godmother!

I recieved this book as part of a Novel Publicity Tour for a fair and honest review. I do not think it gets more honest than this... I then went and bought it for five of my friends and demanded under pain of death to read or I would send the ninja squirrel assassin, Fred, to their house..… (more)

I had read another book by this author and it really wasn't my thing. However he was nice enough to send me this book also so I thought "What the hell? What have I got to lose." WEll...

THANK YOU , CALEB ROSS !!
(screamed with sarcasm and eye rolling)

I have had nightmares all day and night from the story "Charactered Pieces". Oh My God !! At the end, when Lori sits down to paint Monicas toes, I thought I was going to die, from laughing so hard and yet being sooooo grossed out at the same time. Really, even thinking about it now makes me giggle yet my skin is crawling .

I believe that a good story brings out emotions. Good emotions and bad ones. So for that I say KUDOS to the author, because I feel like chuckling yet am completely replused by the scenario of the story. Seriously though, I tip my hat to you for that one.

The book on a whole just was not my thing, again. Everything was depressing and contained a lot of what I think must have been metaphoric stories. I'm just not that deep of a person, so alot of it was lost on me.… (more)