David Thornton-Wakeford

Jesus repeated and reinforced the teaching of Genesis 2 and 3. Marriage brings together two individuals to become one couple.
‘“And the two shall become one flesh.” So they are no longer two but one flesh.’ (Matthew 10:5-6)
Local author and priest, David Thornton-Wakeford, seems to have followed this Biblical principle in his book for newly-married couples. The book usefully fills a gap experienced by many clergy. Couples preparing for their weddings are flooded with information about how to make their “special day” expensively memorable. However, there is a dearth of literature to encourage them to turn their wedding day into a long life of marriage.

However you read current statistics, two trends are certain: more people are getting married in Australia, and more are getting divorced. Something is wrong. Archdeacon Wakeford begins his book by analysing some of the causes of marriage breakdown. He argues that three things promote false expectations: unstated social ‘rules’, human pride, and failure to put in the hard work to build solid relationships.

In the second part of the book, the Biblical understanding of love is explored as a necessary resource for building relationships.

Following the principle of “two becoming one”, David Wakeford successfully marries a readable style with solid substance. After the Wedding is a book you could give to wedding couples and be reasonably confident that they would read it. Its style appeals to their immediate interests, and opens up important issues in relationship building with anecdotes, poems, and quotes from well-known, and sometimes unexpected figures: from Charles Court to Francis de Sales to Og Mandino.

After the Wedding also marries a text of immediate readable advice to a source of long-term information. Much effort has gone into providing accurate detail, for example, of approved marriage educators and counsellors in all States, New Zealand and Britain. It’s a book for couples to read now, and place on their shelves for future reference – even until the death of one of the partners.

I think the greatest strength of After the Wedding is its marriage of solid Biblical teaching with a realistic awareness of contemporary society. Fr Thornton-Wakeford constructs a solid bridge between the rich world of Biblical teaching and the real world of 1996 in which most couples would recognise as home.

I found the beginning of the book excessively negative. Most marriage educators speak of the pleasant romantic glow which surrounds the months immediately before and after the wedding: the subjective experience that most couples call “being in love”. During this time, before the more realistic and enduring marriage love begins to be developed, it may be difficult to hear what is wrong with marriages in our society. But that’s how the book begins: a brave move, which doesn’t quite succeed.

I also found some of the colloquialisms David uses unhelpfully ambiguous. One coy phrase in particular reinforced for me the stereotype of a naïve clergyman who wants to talk about sex but doesn’t really want to be heard doing so: He uses the phrase “getting physical” at least twice. I think he means sex with an aggressive element, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he meant a husband physically attacking his wife, and in the context, the difference is significant. I know David as a person does not fit the stereotype of a naïve vicar, but some of his writing does.

These weaknesses are certainly not sufficient to spoil this excellent resource. I plan to have copies on hand to give to wedding couples. The book adds usefully to the serious ministry which can be offered to young people when they request a Church wedding.… (more)