Can someone make me smile?

O, i just got in a fight with my sisters. And now I'm down in the dumps. Can someone make me smile again?

Sure I can!

I just need a couple of paper clips, some duct tape and some string. I'll have you smiling in no time.

:) thanks, MEM. I still need some more funny juice. It was a pretty big fight. :(((

What did one wall say to the other?

I don't know...what?

Stay away from the funny juice, you're far too young.

Don't worry too much puppet, sister fights happen. It'll be over before you know it.

PICO! Whats the answer?

>#7: I'll meet you at the corner!

nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Oh man! I shoulda seen that coming!

MrA!!!!!You just ruined it. I was supposed to say the answer! Oh well, I guess the whole point of a joke is for someone else to say the answer.

We're going for groaners? OK then...

Why does 6 hate 7?

because its always one ahead?

Nope!

Because 7 8 9.

:o)

This guy pulls into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure his dog had fresh air. The dog was stretched out in the back seat, and the guy wanted to impress upon he that he must remain there. The guy walked to the curb backward, pointing his finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!” The driver of a nearby car gave the guy a startled look “I don’t know about you, man,” he said incredulously. “But I usually just put my car in park.”

Two monkeys were sitting in a tree and two lions were sleeping below them. One monkey said to the other monkey "I dare you to go down there and kick one of those lions in the rear end." The other monkey said o.k. I'll go down there and kick him in the rear end as hard as I can. So he goes down the tree and kicks the lion as hard as he can and takes off swinging through the trees. The lion starts to chase him. He keeps getting closer, and closer until the monkeys thinks "Man I better do something quick or that lion is going to eat me for lunch. So he keeps swinging until the lion is pretty far behind him and he sees a newspaper lying on the ground. So he picks it up and starts to read it. All of a sudden the lion catches up to him and says, "Did you see a monkey run by here?" The monkey goes, "You mean the one that kicked that lion in the rear end?" And the lion says,"Dang it was in the paper already?"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Thanks puppetmaster101 for letting me drink some of your funny juice...I needed it today too!

sure.

#6: Yea... maybe some funny apple juice box! ( ok not that young...but i still like juice boxes! Dosent everybody?)

THANKS EVERYBODY! IM HAPPY AGAIN!

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
~Tim Allen

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
~Groucho Marx

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
~Steven Wright

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
~Ogden Nash

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
~Paula Poundstone

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
~Dave Barry

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
~Bill Cosby

PIANO!

Here are a couple more funny quotes:

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it’s you.
~Rita Rudner

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
~Lily Tomlin

When I need something to smile about and we have hot dogs, I cut one up and make a frowning face on my plate. I end up laughing while being teased for making my usual smiley face hot dog plate a frowny one instead. (Yes, I 'play with' my food. Sometimes. :)

These jokes and one liners really help when your chest is congested!

"this sight helps fight cancer, and makes kitty's litter box smell fresh and clean

"this sight helps fight cancer, and makes kitty's litter box smell fresh and clean

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

or just didn't get the joke...

...or wasn't listening...

Huh?

If you can keep your head while all those about you are losing theirs...
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...you will be the tallest person in the room.

*snort!*

im confussed.
Oh! i have something for u people to watch!
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Opps! Nothing to watch!

#35 puppet:
I'd like to share a poem with you. If you're confused about post #33 the first line is from "If" by Rudyard Kipling. MrA changed the meaning a bit. Read the poem on the link and you will see.

o. thanks Kerian!

You're welcome.

>#36: Which is often confused with the book It by Stephen King. The quote from that one goes:

"If you can keep your head while all those about you are losing theirs...
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...RUN! There's an evil clown in the room!"

#33 -- For some of us, that's still not the case.

KIK! I can't say that I've read It. ;)

Foggi, my father is about 5'3" and my mother says he always stuck a pack of cards in his shoes to make himself taller. ;)

Foggi, are you an angry elf?

Do I sound angry to you?

No, ma'am

LOL

43> I love that movie!!!

see more puppies

This one's for you Mr A.

AAAAAH! THE GIANT POINTING FINGER! RUN!

wat the heck is the bottem picture for?

That's the Onion Goggle Gang. It's MrA's secret superhero team.

Ahh... thanks JP!

Alas, only one of them survived the gas party.

#54: Thanks for ruining the movie for me, kirby! I haven't seen it...Just kidding I have seen it many times :P

Orange Mocha Frappuccinos!

For anyone that isn't familiar with it, the bottom image in #49 is from the movie Zoolander (as is my quote). The other day, MsD and i saw four guys in a convertible being idiots on the road, and it was so much like that scene from the movie that we both burst out laughing.

#56: Were they singing "Wake me up, before you go go" too?

interseting... :)