Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women

I've read a lot of lesbian and queer literature before, but this collection really fills a niche that needed attention. Lots of books about queer people leave out sexual fluidity, and that sexual orientation might not be fixed for life - especially for women. I'm about as lesbian-y as they come, and I still enjoyed this book about women who ended up with women later in life. It gave me perspective on what some people have to go through in their lives that I previously hadn't thought of much.

The only thing I didn't like about this book was a lot of references to lesbian stereotypes. Maybe that's part of the coming out process for previously straight women ("I can't be a lesbian, I don't like softball and I'm not hideous.")?!? I found it show more pretty offensive. show less

This book had been on my wishlist for a while, and when the Kindle version was discounted to $0.99, I couldn't resist snapping this book up - and it was definitely worth the wait. Although the introduction was a little boring, the stories contained in the book were fascinating. The only thing that bugged me a little was the usage of the term "heterosexual privilege;" around half of the essays used that exact term, and yet I'd never even heard it before. It made me wonder if the stories were heavily edited or if I'm just missing some important buzzword in the lesbian community. Regardless, this is a fascinating book, and I'd recommend it.

As in any anthology, some of the essays in this collection are better than others. Some are so full of hateful language toward other lesbians (one author referred to "creatures" with hairy upper lips and "rhombus-shaped bodies") that I was put off. You'd think that people seeking acceptance and understanding from the world would not be so shallow and dismissive of others. Some of these essays really reek of what I can only describe as "femme privilege." Unsettling.

After grappling with my own sexuality, I found this book to be very insightful. At the heart of this book are stories from different women of all walks of life who describe their own experiences on discovering same-sex attraction.

Not all of the women are lesbians, and not all of the women fit into a single category, like "fence jumpers", etc. But the narratives do provide points of view that I would not have otherwise faced or encountered. While the narrators do mention a lot of stereotypes, this is because the stereotypes are still prevalent today and are still believed in general, not that the writers want to insult the GLBTQ population.
Lastly, the book itself brings to light many issues - some historical, like how we were told show more that's okay for men to be gay but not women or how gayness, lesbianism, etc. is something you can't talk about, to some that are still prevalent such as heterosexual privilege, where (for example) hetero couples can express actions of love, such as holding hands in public, but the GLBTQ community cannot because of potential abuse or backlash. I think this book brings a lot of material to the table for everyone to think about, straight or gay. show less

I'm not sure I was the right audience for this book. I thought the frequent references to stereotypical images of lesbians was damaging and unexpected.

Sexual fluidity FTW!

FYI Review - This book contains the following essays:
-Foreword by Dr. Lisa M. Diamond
-Introduction by Candace Walsh & Laura Andre
-Undoing Everything by Erin Mantz
-Running from the Paper Eye by Susan White
-The Right Fit by Suan White
-Wanting by Vanessa Fernando
-Watershed by Veronica Masen
-Over the Fence by Audrey Bilger
-Leap of Faith by Libbie Miller
-Awakenings: Navigating the Spaces between In and Out by Jeannette LeBlanc
-This Love Is Messy by Amanda V. Mead
-Walking a Tightrope in High Heels by Michelle Renae
-A Hushed Blue Underworld by Loris Horvitz
-Beyond Sexuality by Holly Edwards
-Love and Freedom by Aprille Cochrane
-Memoirs of a Wanton Prude by Sheila Smith
-I Knew What I Was Giving Up by Sara C. Ranch
-The Claim by Crystal show more Hooper
-Wedding Gown Closet by Katherine A.. Briccetti
-Clarity by Rachel Smith
-Credit in the Un-Straight World by Trish Bendix
-First Date with Ann by Meredith Grimland
-A Door Opening Out by Susan Grier
-We Don't Do Stereotypes by Sabrina Porterfield
-Counting Down from Ten by Candace Wash
-Marriage Mirage by Ruth Davies
-Falling for Leah by Amelia Sauter
-Mirror Image by Leigh Stuart
-Epilogue by Jennifer Baumgardner show less