Between a Rock and a Hot Place: Why Fifty Is Not the New Thirty

Many parts of this book resonated with me, though some made me snort scornfully. The author, who was a screenwriter in Hollywood for most of her career, places far more value on looking youthful than do I. Reading about all the "work" she has had done of her face was certainly interesting, though. There's a lot of good stuff in this book- Jackson's contention that fifty is fifty and it's never going to be thirty rings true. Some of the chapters seemed relentlessly downbeat, though- when her eldest child left home it really was a personal tragedy for Jackson. Some of the chapters were hilarious, like the one about sex toys for the over-fifty set. I'd call it a well-balanced look at what fifty means for many women at this point in time. show more Recommended for crones like me. show less

I don't normally don't read 'self-help' books, but since I can see the age of 50 peeking around the corner, Tracey Jackson's Between a Rock and a Hot Place- Why Fifty is Not the New Thirty beckoned to me.

Jackson takes us on her own personal journey to the age of fifty. She takes on menopause and hormone replacement therapy, marriage, sex, online dating, work and cosmetic surgery.

She starts with her grandmother's generation, women who lived through the depression, and therefore turning fifty was not traumatic to them. Those women did not try to avoid getting older; they were grateful for it.

Jackson's mother was one of the first women in her age group to jump on the cosmetic surgery bandwagon. She watched her mother try every cream, new show more procedure, and even travel to Eastern Europe for treatments not yet available in the United States. (Who knew Eastern Europe was the Fountain of Youth?) It's interesting that she and her mother are now estranged.

Menopause is a big topic in the book, and Jackson describes her symptoms in graphic detail; it's like a horror movie for middle-aged women. She takes on the hormone replacement controversy head-on, and I liked that she told her own story, she didn't preach to us as to the ultimate answer for all women. It's up to us all to research, talk to our doctors and make our own decisions.

Speaking of doctors, she comments that
"When I was thirty, I had four doctors in my address book: a gynecologist, a dentist, a GP and a vet. At fifty, I have thirty-four."
Even though she admits to being a bit of a hypochondriac, she still has a point. Think about how many specialists we have to see now that we're older :gynecologist, radiologist, cardiologist, endocrinologist, dermatologist, gastoenterologist- you get the idea.

There is some humor in the book, and the scene she describes where she and her husband decide to spice up their love life by purchasing some adult toys is too funny. She has to get her reading glasses to see the tiny print on the instructions, and then a part of it rolls under the bed where the dog refuses to give it up. It's like an x-rated I Love Lucy episode.

Jackson also takes on some topics not usually mentioned in books about aging. She is a screenwriter, and she talks about the difficulties of a woman trying to find work after the age of fifty. Sexism/ageism is alive and well in her work arena, and I'm sure many women in other fields know her pain. Her frustration is painful to read, but her determination to find a way to work at something she loves is inspiring.

She also takes on the invisibility of women to men after a certain age. Once women are no longer young, men no longer look at them. Her honesty about this topic really speaks to women.

Jackson writes honestly about her life, and her thoughts on aging really gave me food for thought. Her writing style is concise, as one would expect from a screenwriter, so the book read quickly. Any woman heading towards menopause will do well to buy this book. show less

Although this book states some needed truths--i.e. that fifty is the new thirty is just a slogan, not a fact--the general tone is over-privileged and more than a little whiny and self centered. The phrase, "wouldn't be happy if she were hanged with a new rope" springs to mind as the author complains both that menopause has reduced her sex drive and that men ignore women over fifty. Would she rather have her younger self's sex drive while being ignored? Seems like mother nature is doing us a bit of a favor here.

I suppose this doesn't hit too far off the mark from what I should have expected, but I nonetheless found it very disappointing. I was hoping for either an Erma Bombeck-style good laugh (albeit at my own expense) or some decent intel. I found neither.
What this is, is a slightly humorous, confessional of a vain woman who never once acknowledges that the years and years of injections/procedures/surgeries she has had in order to look younger are
1) tellingly sad, and 2) financially way out of reach of the average woman. Am I a tad jealous that I can't afford, say, some teeth whitening and maybe a rx strength peel...perhaps, but still, balk at her central message, which appears to be "no one should want to look their actual age."

Between a Rock and a Hot Place by Tracey Jackson
Harper, 2011
Why? This is my first review for TLC Book Tours and because this book sounded just like me :)
What Now? I'll keep this one handy for the next 7 or so years...a chapter or two whenever I'm feeling down about getting older should do just fine :)

Golden Lines

***I marked so much of this book...so many golden lines to revisit again and again...but the one I chose here, I think, is a perfect example of Jackson's writing style and her humor in dealing with touchy areas :)

Here is the thing about these militant stands on certain, shall we say, aids or helpers: it's very easy to say, "I won't touch a hormone" until you find yourself in the corner sobbing for no reason, sweating profusely, show more unable to sleep, have sex, or even get through a conversation. I was one of the women who was not going to get an epidural when I had my kids, I was going to have my children naturally - a position that lasted for about two contractions, at which point I would have swallowed botulism toxin if they'd told me it would alleviate the pain. I love the women who say, "I want to experience the glory of the pain of childbirth." I say, "No you don't - there is not glory in the pain of a nine-pound human being ripping through your insides and shooting out of your vagina." There is glory in the pain of the lyrics to a Leonard Cohen song, but not in giving birth; giving birth is messy, painful, and miraculous especially if you get through it without drugs. In my next life I think I will start the epidural when the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Summary

Tracey Jackson takes a look at the whole idea of aging from a woman's viewpoint. She particularly takes to task the notion that for women today, turning 50 is really the new 30. Not so, says Jackson...and if we don't look at aging realistically, we're just deluding ourselves and setting ourselves up for disappointment. Growing old gracefully, however, does not necessarily involve sitting by and watching ourselves decay. Today's woman has a whole host of opportunities toward making herself look and feel younger. It's a conscious choice each woman makes, and Jackson encourages all women to pay attention to her body, self-image, outer appearance, financial matters, and her relationships in order to enjoy the 2nd half of their lives.

What I Liked

Humor - This book is funny. And, I don't mean just funny. Jackson is laugh out loud while you're reading till other people ask you what in the world is so funny. I read portion after portion of this book out loud to my co-workers both male and female...and they laughed out loud right with me.

The chapter on sex. I don't talk about sex with my friends...it gets mentioned from time to time but as far as specifics, my husband is the only one who has that conversation with me. But, there are things about a woman's life...changes taking place...that men don't know about and logically cannot be expected to understand. Let's be honest, ladies. They'd probably really rather not know about all our ins, outs and all abouts...unless, of course, it involves them. ;)
Jackson handles the subject of sex with startling (at times) clarity...there were times that I know my face turned red...I giggled a time or two and was asked, "What's so funny?" Then, I blushed more bc if the person asking only knew what I was really laughing about...
But, it's a chapter that needs to be written...and read. So many of us don't have that conversation...we all suffer the same symptoms but since no one wants to talk about it, we all think we're the only ones. Thanks, Tracey Jackson for opening up this conversation!

Tidbits of history - through her mother and grandmother, Jackson presents the history of nutrition, sunscreen, exercise, and facelifts in an entertaining way...through narrative tidbits about 2 previous generations of her own family and her intimate knowledge following their experiences...and Jackson equally considers the pros and cons of both the grandmother who was content to "let herself go" and the mother constantly fought to stay ahead of the aging process...even flying to Transylvania for some state of the art treatment.

Menopause or Menostop - besides the chapter on sex, this one is the chapter than really convinced me I'm not crazy. I've experienced some of the early symptoms in the last year or so, but it honestly seems like I woke up one day and lost my mind completely. Jackson describes the estrogen in a woman's body as a "chardonnay drip that allowed you to keep it together."
Oh. My. Goodness.
A woman can literally wake up one day and find that Mother Nature has removed the drip in her sleep...and woe to those who get in her way...and/or to the dishwasher that breaks and won't get itself fixed :p

HRT/Bio-identicals - I think at this point we are all scared to death of hormones thanks to all the media drama. Jackson presents a realistic look at both possible solutions to keeping the estrogen flowing...again, very effectively through her own mother, grandmother and her own experiences with both. Jackson doesn't lean one way or the other and constantly encourages women to make the best choice for themselves weighing all the realistic odds. At this point in my life I'm not interested in the synthetic meds, but am going to be scouting out some of the more natural hormone therapy solutions.

The Biggest Pink Slip - "A mother never clocks out"
"Nobody and nothing prepares a mother for what it is like when her children eventually leave home"
I think you can only understand this chapter if you've been through this stage in your life. As a mostly non-weepy person, I stunned myself by becoming weepy when my firstborn graduated from high school and then began packing to move into the dorm...on the campus where I work :/
I still have the big move ahead of me...when she actually moves out of the town in which we live...and the middle daughter will be right behind her...but I think I'm a little more prepared for the partially empty nest than I was this time last year.
Jackson was her most sentimental in this chapter...as only a mother can be :)

What I Didn't Like

***For this particular book the things I "didn't like" are simply things I liked less, not really a dislike.

The chapter on men. This chapter is for those who find themselves alone (by choice or not) at 50. I'm not alone although I realize that realistically the possibility is one that must be considered given that anything can happen to anybody. The experiment with Match.com was fascinating though and kudos to Jackson's husband Glenn for being secure enough with himself and their relationship to support his wife's research...even if that research includes her pretending to be single and looking for love online.

The chapter on money. If you know me at all, you know I am not a money manager. I've done better this past year than ever...and I am still learning. But, I still wish there was enough money not to have to worry about it. I appreciated Jackson's honesty...she's not a money manager either...and has a fancy for shoes and expensive coffee :) But, besides the obvious, Jackson talks about how difficult it is to manage money with children...

...if you have kids you know that they truly are ATM's in sneakers. They are constantly pushing your "withdraw cash" button.

THANK YOU, Tracey Jackson. Yes, I have a hard time managing my money...and yes, the answer is very simple: Spend less than you make and Save...BUT that very simple concept is difficult for even those of us who are not out blowing our nest egg on fancy shoes or diamonds...or any other "luxury" items. Kids are hell on the budget. Can I get an Amen?

Overall Recommendation

Women over 40 and/or those who have just begun to experience some of the symptoms of peri-menopause will hoot through this book just as I did...and finish it up feeling much better about themselves.
We are soooo not crazy!
:)

***I received a copy of Between a Rock and Hard Place free of charge in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own. show less

Much is written on young women, young mothers, and it is wonderful because it didn't used to be that way. Women muddled through it all on their own, afraid to speak of their struggles.

Then it was about turning forty, and "The Change". It was almost a shame or a curse, and again, women carried it on their own.

Now there is a book about and for women 50 and over. Tracey Jackson takes on aging with candid humour. She is both brave and honest in facing the realities of aging.

Tracey shows no fear in discussing health and sex as a woman enters her fifties. She talks about age in the workplace, and the effects of how that is perceived.

The proverbial empty nest, and the pros and cons of that stage of life are discussed with humour, candor and show more insight.

Tracey recalls how we got here, to age fifty, but also what to do now that we are here. She lays out fearless plans for a productive, full life going forward.

Both realistic and funny, Tracey gives thought to what it means to be fifty and the perceptions of aging.

Reading this book is like chatting with a girlfriend who totally gets what you are going through, at fifty and beyond. show less

MY THOUGHTS
LOVED IT

Tracey Jackson writes about what I suspected all along: all of this trying to act, be, look younger is not worth it and fifty is not the new thirty no matter how much "work" you do -- your insides are still a ticking timebomb. She gracefully delves into the aging dilemma that women my age (yes, fifty) are now being bombarded with in the media. Hormone replacement therapy, plastic surgery, keeping fit and eating right are all tackled in this book of essays all linked together by age. And then there is ageism which is more than apparent in Hollywood were she was a screen writer. There are parts of this memoir that are truly laugh out loud funny and others that are really poignant. Jackson goes back in her own family show more history relating how her grandmother didn't care about how she ate or looked while her mother was a health fanatic and plastic surgery devotee. That is a choice each of us has to make. Do we get work done? Do we take the hormones to feel normal? And will your heart explode even though you do everything right?

I didn't agree with all of her reasons for her actions, but Hollywood is indeed a strange place to live and work. Things that are not normal any place else are a given there and you are only as good as how you look or your age. This probably won't play well in Peoria but like Hot in Cleveland, no one in Hollywood can look good forever and you need to step away. I have friends that work in that industry and I used to be jealous of how good they look, but as Jackson concludes, everyone dies and no matter how good you look on the outside, your insides could be a complete mess. The best point she makes in the whole book is when she relates that the most fulfilling moment came when she was out of work and produced a documentary about her over privileged child volunteering in India. Overall, a good and quick read about getting older while being a bit neurotic. show less