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We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle (2004)

by Celia Rivenbark

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5151346,885 (3.44)5
Biography & Autobiography. Essays. Nonfiction. Humor (Nonfiction.) HTML:

"On the short drive to the preschool,
I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and
toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old.
Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself.
Studies have shown that it's very important
for familes to eat together. . . . "
Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes.
What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again.
What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on.
Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much.
What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart.
In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

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» See also 5 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 13 (next | show all)
I really enjoyed this book, it was hilarious! I read it in one night! ( )
  DBrigandi | Jul 3, 2017 |
I really enjoyed this book, it was hilarious! I read it in one night! ( )
  DBrigandi | Jul 3, 2017 |
Once again, Rivenbark delivers her brand of Southern wit to the everyday life of a wife and mother, living in Wilmington, North Carolina. In this book she examines the Southern Family, Kids, and Couples Therapy, Southern Style, the Southern Woman, and Gravy on Grits.

http://nicolewbrown.blogspot.com/2014/10/were-just-like-you-only-prettier.html

Is it a small wonder that hurricane season and wedding season are one and the same? As a former bridal-page editor, I can honestly say that I’ve seen some category 5 wedding disasters.
---Celia Rivenbark (We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle p 32)
The amicable divorce is an urban legend. You believe there’s such a thing? Then you also believe that some loser really did find an entire fried chicken head in his KFC snack pak.
------Celia Rivenbark (We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle p 35)
Women have long realized that the mere mention of their “females” can get them out of just about anything, the notable exception being a very insensitive North Carolina highway patrolman who once refused to believe I was speeding because “my uterus told me to”.
-----Celia Rivenbark (We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle p 126)
And my favorite, which wins points for creativity of expression, comes from the manual for my kid’s bike helmet: “Helmets can’t prevent damage from shaking, just as an egg can be completely scrambled inside its shell just by shaking it.”
-----Celia Rivenbark (We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle p 260) ( )
  nicolewbrown | Jul 31, 2016 |
started off funny but got a bit boring and repetitive after a while ( )
  micahmom2002 | Jan 25, 2016 |
started off funny but got a bit boring and repetitive after a while ( )
  micahmom2002 | Jan 25, 2016 |
Showing 1-5 of 13 (next | show all)
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Biography & Autobiography. Essays. Nonfiction. Humor (Nonfiction.) HTML:

"On the short drive to the preschool,
I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and
toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old.
Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself.
Studies have shown that it's very important
for familes to eat together. . . . "
Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes.
What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again.
What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on.
Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much.
What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart.
In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

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