Celia Rivenbark

The essays in You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl leave no stone unturned as they poke fun at everything and everyone from snuggies to crazed science fair parents to all the "Loonies on the Learning Channel" to society's weird obsession with cuteness that threatens to put Rivenbark's trademark snark out of business while everyone tunes into the latest YouTube viral video. In just a few pages each, Rivenbark's essays can have readers laughing out loud at a variety of topics as we try to keep show more up with Rivenbark's stream-of-consciousness rantings that swing rapidly from Oprah to the art of writing discipline with the sort of lengthy attention span that only a gnat could envy. Rivenbark never lingers too long on harpooning any one subject, which is refreshing.

You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl is the perfect antidote for too much deep, dark reading. Rivenbark's writing is compulsively readable, entertaining, and, at times, downright laugh out loud funny. If you've got a bitter sarcastic streak, a cynical eye for some (most?) of the clowns on TV these days, or you just need a breather from books that take themselves too seriously, definitely pick up a copy of You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl! show less

Fun book written with the Southern woman's point of view. The first section is devoted to motherhood and all of the things she said she would never do. Giving her child soda pop or French fries. The horror of not getting the proper toy in the happy meal. Then there's a section devoted to south. She talks about how a number of things that were supposed to be bad actually aren't, eggs and butter come to mind. How she helps out a redneck woman who's having car trouble only to be led on a wild show more goose chase for the woman's ex-boyfriend. Then the last section is everywhere else. this part is kind of all over, from cold and flu medicine to buying a greeting card to Subarus. Funny quick read. show less

In this book of hilarious essays, Rivenbark, a Wilmington, NC native who used to write a syndicated column, writes about the joys of yoga, Twitter for Southerners, dropping off children in Nebraska, the Learning Channel, the Snuggie, Chinese bachelors, Menopause, and other topics.

Rivenbark signs up for yoga just to have an hour where no one is asking her do something, like clean the house, cook meals, or help with homework. However, she discovers an interesting study from Denmark "that women show more who have skinny thighs have twice the risk for heart disease as us normal women." This study came out at about the same time as a "Time magazine cover story on "The Myth of Exercise" in which a very learned scholar wrote that, while it's good for you, exercise won't make you lose weight. If fact...exercise can actually lead to weight gain because of the notion that you're entitled to wolf down a platter of nachos the size of a hubcap at On the Boarder after a half hour workout on the Spawn of Satan, I mean, elliptical machine."

As a Southerner, Rivenbark, has had a lot of trouble in the land of Twitter. "Because everyone knows that Southerners lean toward being a bit long-winded, verbose, wordy, overwrought, and dense when it comes to written communication." How do you confine yourself not to 140 words, but 140 characters? She compares tweeting to trying to write haiku "the Japanese art of hair weaving in thirteen words." She also talks about how she once had fashion model Kathy Ireland as a tweet follower, until something she said upset her.

For a while, in Nebraska, you could drop off your child, of any age, to a designated area, such as a hospital, and leave them for others to take care of. This became a problem when people from as far away as Florida began dropping off their surly teens off and the system became overwhelmed. She suggests using this as a threat for your kids when they act up, because what is there in Nebraska, but lots of corn?

In the Learning Channel essay, she talks about Octomom looking for a show for her and her brood. "Ok, she's got fourteen kids, no job, and no husband, but she's going to council others? This is like getting relationship advise from Chris Brown." They would fit right in with some of the other crazy things they show, like the Duggers, where the sex advise is "sex is a lot like Legos", My Monkey Baby, and I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. "TLC, which used to stand for The Learning Channel but now stands for Titillating Losers for Cash."

The South doesn't take the cold very well. They'll close school for one threat of a snowflake or delay it if its too cold outside. "We Southerners aren't built to endure cold. We are gently creatures that look best in sundresses and skin that is dewy with humidity." Also, there's like only one guy with a truck to shovel the snow from the streets, which is why when it snows everything comes to a standstill. When she receives a Snuggie for a gift, she scoffs, until she tries it on and realizes how warm it makes her feel in the coldest of winter days.

In China, the one child per household, set up to lower birthrates in a country that is overpopulated, has now backfired. "...in about ten years, there will be approximately twenty-four million Chinese men who won't be able to find a wife." Also, Chinese elderly population will explode. The Chinese women must be loving this, because now they hold all the cards. So, Rivenbark suggests that Chinese men up their game and follow in the footsteps of Barack Obama who on date night, takes his wife out to dinner and the opera. Even on his night out with the guys when he's going to go to an NBA game, he still takes Michelle out for a very fancy dinner out.

Today, the church is crossing a line and telling parishioners to make love with their spouses every night. "Now I totally get you'd do that in Kansas, because once basketball season winds down, really what else is there to do?...But Florida? Did they shut down Disney and nobody told me." But the church isn't the only ones dealing with sex. The CIA is dealing Viagra to Arab Princes for information on the Taliban. The Princes, with all of their wives to satisfy, eat it up.

Rivenbark, in peri-menopause, says that "many women in my situation try to learn as much as they can about this stage of life. Some even embrace and try to celebrate this phase, which can include insomnia, memory loss, night sweats, fatigue, and memory loss (ha). I like to call these women crazy."

This book, as all are her books, is funny as hell in a very Southern way. She touches on subjects that everyone can relate to, even if they don't admit it. I still have one Celia Rivenbark book to read and I can't wait. I hope she writes more, since her she quit writing columns to write books. She is a true Southern Belle. show less

I had a lot of issues with You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl (which I received at no cost from the publisher via the Goodreads First Reads program). First, Mrs. Rivenbark doesn't appear to be terribly bright. At one point she goes on about how she became anemic, which she apparently thinks means that she has hardly any blood. Some of her ignorant statements made me cringe but some of them she was clearly just proud of. For example:

"I got news for the New Yorker: I don't even get half those show more black-and-white cartoons you're so proud of."

Congratulations. I'm not sure you should be bragging about that, though.

She's also a huge fan of racially profiling Muslims at the airport. At one point she defended her stance with some kind of dog/tiger metaphor, which didn't make much sense.

"Hey I know that the overwhelming majority of Muslims in this world are kind, decent folk who only want to work hard, worship peacefully and raise happy, healthy families. Everybody knows that. But look at it this way: you're walking down the street and you see a tiger on one side and a dog on the other. OK, it can be Mickey Rourke's Chihuahua for the sake of illustration. Which side do you want to walk on? I'll give you a hint: It ain't the tiger's."

Yes, I would certainly rather pass a dog on the street than a tiger. But what the hell do tigers have to do with Muslims?

She further explains her enlightened stance thusly:

"But what of the trampling of individual rights, you ask? Hey, like Gandhi or somebody said, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. And if those eggs happen to be stamped U.S. CONSTITUTION, well, that was written way before air travel so it's not all that relevant."

In general, I just didn't find her jokes to be funny. She calls her husband 'Duh-Hubby' and her daughter "The Princess." She thinks a t-shirt that says: "Ask Me About My Explosive Diarrhea" is super hilarious. There were a ton of pop culture references and a lot of her trying to use slang that just felt kind of gross considering she's, well, not a teenager. I'm a fan of snarky commentary but this went well beyond the point of being snarky and was just mean, plus not funny - which is a really bad combination.

Overall, I was extremely disappointed in this book and would not recommend it to anyone. show less