Aloha from Hell

I started reading Aloha From Hell on February 15th of this year. Here it is, September 20th, and I've just now finished it. What began as a read on my Kindle changed to the hardcover edition in July when I found it at the library. I made it to about page 100 before I had to take the book back so someone else could tear their fucking hair out. Finally, I downloaded the audio book, because MacLeod Andrews can make Cannibal Corpse lyrics sound like Catholic hymns. And whataya know? I actually finished this mother-humping book. Amen, and pass the maledictions!

Oh, how I loved the first two books in this series. The witty sarcasm, the foul-mouthed humor, action that explodes on the page... What in the name of Tom Cruise's bleached asshole show more happened here? Sure, Stark is just as sarcastic as ever, but the humor was like listening to an obese comedian tell his hundredth fat joke of the night. It was funny the first 99 times, but now it's just kinda sad. Doesn't he have any other material, for Cruise's sake?

Aloha From Hell drones on about religious bullshit and other godly mythos as Kadrey tries to figure out who God is and what purpose the deity will serve in his Sandman Slim urban fantasy series. As far as action is concerned, we get an anti-climactic exorcism, three or four gladius battles that seem ripped from the Sword Fighting Playbook of 1940, Stark driving a Ferrari Testarossa out of Hell and into a war with Heaven ( literally pause the audio because I was laughing so hard at the mid-life-crisis-fantasy-porn), and a finale on par with the ending of the Richard Donner's Superman. Other than that, we receive roughly two billion conversations. There's so much dialogue in this book, I though I was reading a script. And, for the most part, the cast are not talking about anything worth a fuck. No! We get page after page of hellions whining about why Hell sucks, bad guys spouting off exposition, and good guys complaining about having to be good guys. By the time I was done with this (and I never thought I'd say this, but...), I was chomping at the bit for some of Peter Straub or Stephen King's infamous walls of text, wherein we get paragraphs that last two or three pages without a single shred of dialogue. I was actually tired of hearing people talk. More than once I thought, "Shut the fuck up and get on with the goddamn story, you mouthy pricks!"

This book is packed full of filler. It's bursting at the seams, really. I mean, for fuck's sake, it takes Stark until the 54% mark to get to Hell. The book's story doesn't even really start until halfway through the goddamn book! All the bullshit before he goes to Hell is superfluous. Wanna know how I know? Because I forgot everything that happened during the first section of the book and was not even close to lost at the end. I got the full picture, and I can't even remember the first fifty percent!

Oh, and Jack the Ripper's appearance was pointless. So very cliched and pointless. What about H. H. Holmes or Albert Fish, or someone who hasn't popped up half a trillion times in books about Hell.

See also: Hell being a twisted version of Los Angeles... FUCKING GODDAMN SQUIRREL-MOLESTING MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A TAMPAX YACHT, KADREY, SHOW SOME ORIGINALITY!

(*takes a deep breath* Sorry, about that. Now back to our regularly scheduled review)

I almost rage-quit this pile of dumpster leavings five times since February, but friends kept telling me, "The fourth book is SOOOOO worth the trouble." You guys better be right, or I'm going to burn this book and use the flames to light your pubes on fire.

Now, with all this cussing and fussing, I bet you're asking yourself how in the name of Tom Cruise's waxed weasel hole did it garner three stars from me? Well, the answer is this: There are parts in this book that I liked quite a bit. All the emotional stuff was handled expertly, and I even teared when Alice tells Stark how she really died. I got another sentimental boner while Stark was ranting about how God was just another deadbeat dad in his life. Any scene that was designed to tug at my heartstrings worked like a bodybuilder bench pressing bags of cotton. And that's what I don't understand, Mr. Kadrey. This is urban fantasy, not literary fiction, so why the huge emphasis on emotional content here? Some of your prose herein is fucking gorgeous, but when it comes to action and plot progression, Aloha From Hell eats all the ass with pancake syrup and sprinkles on top. Had the fight sequences been up to par with the tear-jerking shit, and the dialogue edited down a couple dozen pages, I believe this would have been the best book in the series. Because, Kadrey,dude, you had some important shit to say, it's just that most of it got buried under a metric-fuck-tonne of bloated text.

In summation: I don't know if reading this volume was worth it yet, so I cannot recommend Aloha From Hell, nor can I tell you to stay the fuck away from it. I will tackle that after reading the next book in the series, which, strangely enough, is a novella. Devil in the Dollhouse (book 3.5) comes before Devil Said Bang (Book 4), so to the Dollhouse I turn. It best not suck, Kadrey. Best not!

Three balls sucked out of five. show less

This is the third in Richard Kadrey's ongoing Sandman Slim series. Kadrey may have named his anti-hero after the pseudonym that Donald E. Westlake employed in his Parker novels (i.e., Stark), and he may have used the name Parker itself for the murderer of the anti-hero's girlfriend. But for all his allegiance to his hardboiled antecedents, Kadrey with Aloha from Hell does one thing solidly, singularly, and essentially different: he doesn't repeat himself.

The Parker novels, like so many solid crime books, can almost be read in any sequence, and they largely follow a similar structure (at least through the 13th, Deadly Edge, which is where I'm at in my reading). But with this third book, Kadrey takes serious chances with changing a whole show more lot. I won't get into the details, because they're enjoyable to witness in the unfolding, but suffice to say that, per the title, the main character finally leaves the Los Angeles in which he'd grown all too comfortable during the first two books and finds his way back to Hell — and in the middle of a massive battle.

The mythologic aspects of the first two books blow up large, quite large, in this one. Kadrey goes to town with all the characters, all the categories of angelic activity, all the spells, and so on — not just in terms of taxonomy but the fluidity with which the material is handled. Its expansive and pulpy and constantly in motion. Very fun. And I'm looking forward to the next one, Devil Said Bang. show less

I'm on page 158 and very much enjoying 'Aloha from Hell', the 3rd installment in Richard Kadrey's 'Sandman Slim' series. Given my sensibilities, (borderline Nouveau Victorian) I really shouldn't like the Sandman Slim novels at all, but I love them. The books are told in the 1st person present tense. In the first novel, the hero, Stark has returned from the gladiatorial arenas of Hell to wreck vengeance on the former friend who sent him "Downtown" and murdered his girl through the arcane magics with which they'd all dabbled. The narrative is base, raw, brutal and profane, (in both the scatological and ecclesiastical sense); but the author, remembered something that another author (who's dreary werewolf novel I recently put aside), did show more not. Kadrey remembered to bring "The Funny." (The hero, snarks cleverly throughout), and the humanity, (He's brought some his troubles on himself, and knows it. But we can understand why a guy might be pissed enough to think about going autoclave on God, the angels and the entire planet) Stark's got the means and motive to crisp the universe. Instead he starts helping dive bar owners, picking fights with dead things, and generally being a reluctant, but stand-up-guy, kind of monster.

I won't go plot of the 2nd or 3rd books. I'll just suggest that if you've found my taste to be like your own on Good reads; pick up a copy of the first book, 'Sandman Slim' by Richard Kadrey. If you like that one, you'll find that number 2 in the series, Kill the dead, is more good stuff, and it's looking like number 3 is right there with them.

Have fun! show less

Like the first two, I enjoyed the hell out of this one. Unlike the first two, Kadrey happened to bump up against one of my many, many pet peeves in horror fiction, so the one less star rating for this one is much more due to personal preferences rather than anything wrong with the story.

Though, there were a couple of things with the story as well, but I'll get to that.

First and foremost, my pet peeve... I rarely enjoy any story that takes me to Hell, mainly because I find most of them just don't do Hell justice—or maybe it's more accurate to say that no one creates the kind of Hell I have in my head. Weirdly, the closest depiction of Hell that matches my idea is not literary, but sonic. Pink Floyd's "Echoes" from their album MEDDLE. show more When the song veers from the musical aspects to the strange soundscape? Yeah, that's my Hell.

Anyway, regardless, Sandman Slim Goes To Hell, and it's LA. Okay, I don't love it, but I went with it anyway.

Story-wise, I would have preferred a little less of the roaming-around-in-Hell scenes, and a little more of Stark interacting with the person who pretty much enforces the entire plot of this book, Alice. They got very little screen time together, after two previous books setting this eventual meet up.

Still, for all of that, I love that Kadrey has absolutely no qualms about messing with his lead character, fundamentally changing him.

I'm a little weirded out by how things were left—again, too much Hell for my liking—but I'm absolutely along for the ride. This truly is a series where anything goes. show less

I got an advanced reading copy of this book through the Amazon Vine Program. This is the third book in the Sandman Slim series by Kadrey. I have absolutely adored all of the Sandman Slim books; they have a grittiness to them that you don't find in many other books and are incredibly creative and interesting...not to mention absolutely hilarious at times.

Stark (Sandman Slim) is enjoying the peace that has come after he annihilated all of the zombies in the entire world (I know, Stark never does thing small does he?). Well of course things never remain calm for long. Stark is called to look in to a demonic possession of a boy. Crazy thing is that the demon that's possessed this boy seems to know Stark. Could this be a simple demon show more posession? Of course not, all roads lead to Hell and this little twist is no exception to the rule.

I absolutely love these books. I love Stark's witty, sarcastic, and absolutely hilarious comments. Yes, you need a dark sense of humor to laugh at this book...but if you have that there is so much to laugh at. It is all written in such a clever, sarcastic, and just absolutely wonderful way. As with previous books there is swearing, sex, violence, violence, and did I say violence? in spades...those with weak stomachs you may want to read elsewhere.

Stark is everything anyone could want in a half-angelic anti-hero. His angelic side is constantly trying to rope him into saving the innocent; which Stark can be talked into if it lines up with taking care of his own personal vendettas. Candy (the Jade) is in this story a lot more too, which is great. I missed her is the second book and she is exactly who Stark needs. Who better to back him up than a woman who can liquefy the men/demons who piss her off and eat them for dinner?

This whole book reads like something between a gritty Noire movie and a gory horror film. Everything everyone says is a bit over the top and you never know what you are going to run into next. At points the story reminds me of The Nightside series by Simon Green; you never know what deity, what devil, or what reality you are going to find yourself in next. The story always keeps you guessing and keeps you on your toes and is just absolutely wonderful.

So, yeah, I pretty much loved everything about this book. There were some parts when Stark is down in Hell that dragged a bit and we have a lot of Hellion Generals' names thrown at us which are a bit hard to keep track of. That being said, this is probably the weakest of the Sandman Slim books. Given how much I absolutely love these book though even the weakest book in this series is spades above most other books out there.

Overall I just loved it and gobbled it up and can't wait for more. This book isn't for everyone; it is full of violence, swearing, and Stark is offensive (yet oddly noble) in numerous ways. If you like your urban fantasy gritty, down-and-drity, full of craziness, with mind-blowing action, and surprising twists then this is the book for you. Don't start with this book though, go back and read the first two books first; Sandman Slim and Kill The Dead are just as awesome. If you are a Nightside fan, a Dresden Files fan, or a Spellbent fan come and check this series out! show less

Warning: These books are not for people averse to graphic violence, sex and language.

Richard Kadrey impresses me with his knowledge of mythology (especially the demonic sort) and how it's woven into the fabric of his Sandman Slim series. Aloha From Hell is the third book.

Jim Stark aka Sandman Slim is a nephilim, the product of a male angel and a human woman. To many of the supernatural world, especially some angels, this makes him an abomination to be gotten rid of.

Stark is also the only human who has escaped Hell and lived to tell the tale. In Aloha From Hell, he finds himself in the position of having to rescue both Heaven & Hell from a human interloper named Mason Faim, who wants to tear the entire universe down and start over.

Along show more the way, Stark tangles with demons, making deals with them to get back into Hell to rescue Alice, his dead love who was yanked out of Heaven unceremoniously and is being kept prisoner in Hell. Stark is a very angry nephilim who literally struggles with his angel while making his way through the Garden of Eden, Tartarus, and Pandemonium to convince the demonic generals to gather their troops and ride to war.

All through the book, Slim has this idea that he'll rescue Alice, stop Mason from tearing the universe apart and get back to Los Angeles in time to break more furniture with Candy. The twist, of course, changes all of that.

Aloha From Hell is tons of fun with interesting philosophical lamentations on the purpose of being and what it all means anyway. show less

James Stark (a/k/a Sandman Slim) is literally hell bent on killing Mason Faim, who he believes was responsible for killing his girlfriend and is now trying to organize the generals in hell to attack heaven. Entering hell to rescue his kidnapped dead girlfriend (Alice) via the Convergence (a sort of wasteland between earth and hell), Stark rescues a slave from Mammon only to find the slave is Jack the Ripper, who then betrays Stark. Stark then goes to Tartarus and mounts a daring rescue of the only general willing to oppose Stark and despite their differences align with the Kissi to attack Mason. Kadrey's witty lines are still fun, as is Stark's budding romance with Candy, a stone-cold killing Jade, where they literally wreck a hotel show more room having sex. show less