The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
by Robin Stern
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In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works, how you can decide which relationships can be saved and which you have to walk away from—and how to gasproof your life so you'll avoid gaslighting relationship.Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard show more time.
Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back, you wonder if your mother is right and figure that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.
If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from.
Are you being gaslighted? Check for these telltale signs:
1) Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?
2) When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?
3) Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?
4) Do you have trouble making simple decisions and constantly second guess yourself?
5) Do you frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to your family and friends?
6) Do you feel hopeless and joyless?
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This one was life-changing for me. Every previous thing I'd read about gaslighting, narcissists, sociopaths etc. ironically focused on them and their behavior. This one did as well, but it also had plenty to say about the gaslightee. It detailed the dance between the two and the personality traits of someone who remains in such a relationship. Somehow seeing myself on the page empowered me. I took action that removed that from my life.
The book isn't solely about romantic relationships either which is good. There are examples of gaslighting behavior by bosses, friends and parents as well.
Finally, I've read some reviews where the reader wasn't happy that there was advice for staying with a gaslighter given here. My position is that for show more whatever personal reasons they have, some people are going to stay. Given that reality, it is smart and good to give them tools for living as healthily as possible in that situation.
One of the big aha realizations as I read was the notion that when you are being gaslighted, your empathy, which is obviously a wonderful characteristic, is actually being used as a weapon against you. LIGHT BULB MOMENT!
If you or someone you know is involved with a manipulator and is at a loss, this is a great resource. show less
The book isn't solely about romantic relationships either which is good. There are examples of gaslighting behavior by bosses, friends and parents as well.
Finally, I've read some reviews where the reader wasn't happy that there was advice for staying with a gaslighter given here. My position is that for show more whatever personal reasons they have, some people are going to stay. Given that reality, it is smart and good to give them tools for living as healthily as possible in that situation.
One of the big aha realizations as I read was the notion that when you are being gaslighted, your empathy, which is obviously a wonderful characteristic, is actually being used as a weapon against you. LIGHT BULB MOMENT!
If you or someone you know is involved with a manipulator and is at a loss, this is a great resource. show less
If you’ve ever been in a situation with a partner, family member, or employer where something just didn’t seem right, you may have been the target of gaslighting. Robin Stern is the psychologist who recognized this manipulative ploy and gave it its name. Her book on the subject focuses on self-help and includes some good advice on getting and staying out of a gaslighter’s control. I have to admit I skimmed through the case histories as they went through the three levels of gaslighting because they seemed a little repetitive. But the book’s appendices were excellent and included domestic and emotional abuse resources as well as advice about exercise, sleep hygiene, and diet.
This is a detailed look at a con game played far too often by people with a passion for controlling others.
Gaslighting happens on the job, sure, but the most devastating effects come in our most intimate relationships.
I knew about this pattern before this book was written. I hadn't seen the movie. I saw this unfold in the life of a friend who was temporarily taken in.
I saw the movie, Gaslight, after reading about it in the book. I was amazed it was available for free!
Dr. Stern has done the world a service with this insightful, warm and helpful book.
Gaslighting happens on the job, sure, but the most devastating effects come in our most intimate relationships.
I knew about this pattern before this book was written. I hadn't seen the movie. I saw this unfold in the life of a friend who was temporarily taken in.
I saw the movie, Gaslight, after reading about it in the book. I was amazed it was available for free!
Dr. Stern has done the world a service with this insightful, warm and helpful book.
A nice read to finalize the nailed coffin after 30 years of trying to please. I get it now, really.
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