more from the Bulyer Lytton bad prose contest

this is cruel fun. But I'll read it! I tell myself these examples will improve my own prose, should I have these excerpts lurking in my mid-brain. I pray it may be so! ( )

A collection of entries from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest. Named in honour of the Victorian literary has-been Edward Bulwer-Lytton, this is the world-famous competition that seeks to find the most atrocious opening sentence to a hypothetical lousy novel. "Abounding in shameless sentences, this is a hilarious, even perversely instructive, collection of skilled ineptitude." - from the jacket notes.
Like eating potato chips, you can't read just one. Very good.
Samples:
"My story begins in the womb, where I was really getting bored of a steady diet of amniotic fluid, experiencing constant motion sickness, and my mother never letting me go anywhere."
"Although Sarah had a morbid fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
"He was, in a way, not unlike the car he drove: small, homely, and gutless; but like that car, an early-model Pinto, he had a latent tendency, when pushed too far or driven too hard, to explode." ( )