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Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

by Donald Miller

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326480,214 (3.68)1
Family & Relationships. Christian Nonfiction. Religion & Spirituality. Nonfiction. HTML:

When it comes to authenticity, is being fully yourself always worth the risk? From the author of Blue Like Jazz comes New York Times bestseller Scary Close, Donald Miller's journey of uncovering the keys to a healthy relationship and discovering that they're also at the heart of building a healthy family, a successful career, and a trusted community of friends.

After decades of failed relationships and painful drama, Miller decided that he'd had enough. Trying to impress people wasn't helping him truly connect with anyoneâ??and neither was pretending to be someone he wasn't. He'd built himself a life of public isolation, but he dreamed of having a life defined by meaningful relationships instead. At 40-years-old, he made a scary decision: he was going to be his true self no matter what it might cost.

Scary Close tells the story of Miller's difficult choice to impress fewer people and connect with even more. It's about the importance of knocking down old walls to finally experience the freedom that comes when we stop playing a part and start being fully ourselves.

In Scary Close, Miller shares everything he's learned firsthand about how to:

  • Deconstruct the old habits that no longer serve us
  • Overcome the desire to please the people around us
  • Always tell the truth, even when it's hard
  • Find satisfaction in a daily portion of real love
  • Risk being fully known in order to deeply love and be loved
  • Apply these lessons to your everyday life
  • If you're ready to drop the act and find true, life-changing intimacy, it's time to get Scary Close.… (more)

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    Someone writing about their issues and how they are working through them is not always a big draw. What is the tone? How heavy-handed is the "you should do it too" element? Thankfully Don Miller finds a funny-painfully honest-trust the reader approach that makes his newest book work.

    Occasionally I had to put the book down and weep a bit as Miller's words spoke of things I know too well. And I had to read several passages aloud to Ken when I did weep so he'd understand what triggered the tears. But aside from time to process and read aloud, the pages kept turning with ease.

    After a long pause in writing myself, it was Miller who pointed out what was holding me back. I write about that here.

    Some lines worth remembering include:

    "Being afraid to love and being paralyzed at the keyboard both involve a fear of being know, a fear of making mistakes, a fear of being found out.”

    "…the fear of letting people down is one of the primary reasons people procrastinate.”

    "Is there anything more toxic than the fear of being judged? Judgment shuts us down and makes us hide. It keeps us from being ourselves, which keeps us from connecting with people.”

    "I couldn’t afford to be afraid to write and my soul needed to be known and it couldn’t be known in hiding.

    "So I wrote. I wrote as though God thought my voice mattered. I wrote because I believed a human story was beautiful, no matter how small the human was. I wrote because I didn’t make myself, God did. And I wrote like [God] invited me to share my true “self” with the world.” ( )
      rebwaring | Aug 14, 2023 |
    I listened to the author read this book and I enjoyed it. I have to admit I saw myself in some of the stories he told and it made me think . Am I trying to play a part, do I try to change people... I would recommend this book to anyone in a relationship, just ended a relationship or want to start a relationship. Another words anyone and everyone. ( )
      klrabbit58 | May 3, 2021 |
    Definitely worth reading. Beautiful stories. ( )
      nrt43 | Dec 29, 2020 |
    Fabulous. Don Miller's book Searching For For Knows What helped save my faith many years ago and his subsequent books have all challenged me in different ways. This book doesn't touch on much spiritually but really gets to some core things that hinder our ability to connect with people. I love that he counsels and shares thru story, his and others, and so he doesn't give a lecture or self improvement feel. ( )
      RebeccaWattier | Mar 22, 2016 |
    Showing 4 of 4
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    Family & Relationships. Christian Nonfiction. Religion & Spirituality. Nonfiction. HTML:

    When it comes to authenticity, is being fully yourself always worth the risk? From the author of Blue Like Jazz comes New York Times bestseller Scary Close, Donald Miller's journey of uncovering the keys to a healthy relationship and discovering that they're also at the heart of building a healthy family, a successful career, and a trusted community of friends.

    After decades of failed relationships and painful drama, Miller decided that he'd had enough. Trying to impress people wasn't helping him truly connect with anyoneâ??and neither was pretending to be someone he wasn't. He'd built himself a life of public isolation, but he dreamed of having a life defined by meaningful relationships instead. At 40-years-old, he made a scary decision: he was going to be his true self no matter what it might cost.

    Scary Close tells the story of Miller's difficult choice to impress fewer people and connect with even more. It's about the importance of knocking down old walls to finally experience the freedom that comes when we stop playing a part and start being fully ourselves.

    In Scary Close, Miller shares everything he's learned firsthand about how to:

    Deconstruct the old habits that no longer serve us Overcome the desire to please the people around us Always tell the truth, even when it's hard Find satisfaction in a daily portion of real love Risk being fully known in order to deeply love and be loved Apply these lessons to your everyday life

    If you're ready to drop the act and find true, life-changing intimacy, it's time to get Scary Close.

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